A
female
age
36-40,
*peedy121
writes:so heres my question im 18 iv been goin out with my boyfriend for 18 months, i love him i really do, he wants to get married hes 19, i do want to marry him but at the same time i dont i really dont know what to say to my parents even if i did say yes, any advice would be helpfull thanks x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, speedy121 +, writes (10 January 2010):
speedy121 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsory i didnt make that clear enough yes i dont mean get married straight away i just mean get engaged i dont want 2 get married until i have done all of those things and yes my age is wrong on this sory:)
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 January 2010):
 There are some experiences you need before you are ready to get married. I think that living with roommates is vital to the success of a marriage. Here is why. Sharing the same small space with another person takes give and take. It takes getting to know another persons weaknesses and accepting them despite those. It takes picking up their unmentionables when they are in a hurry and you need the place clean now. It is a growing experience. And IMHO best done with someone who starts as a complete stranger. So many young couples are so anxious to move in right now. They end up wrecking a good relationship because thy don't know how to live with someone who comes from a different household. If you live in the US and out side of Utah, the norm for getting marries is after 22 and before 30. Usually this means leaving your family and living at a university for a few years. This gives you background in paying the bills, which has already been mentioned. Now if University isn't your thing I would suggest at least getting your own job, moving away from mom and dad, and sharing an apartment with another girl. Keep dating your guy, but he should be doing the same thing. and you should not be hanging out every night, that defeats the purpose of getting to know the world.
I know this may seem way off the point but that is my take on why you should wait.
About talking to your parents, just tell them. They want to know what is going on in your life. Most parents aren't controlling monsters. at your age they can still give you advice that you should at least consider as much as you would consider ours.
FA
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 January 2010):
As a former teen bride myself (19 at the time) I just have to say that you have to make sure you have a career. Right now its nice and romantic because you guys are not paying your own rent. Even if you you contribute something at home (I used to give my parents $200), think about if you were paying for everything: the electric, the water, gas AND rent. What about the furniture and car payments? Then the costs of having a baby? My ex husband and I just decided that the love we had for each other was enough and we ignored the rest of these important things. However, reality set in and it was very tough as we had our first 2 kids in quick succession even though we had birth control but surprises do happen. We eventually split because he was cheating on me because we had married young ad he felt he had not had time to have his fun. But at he same time, I know how it feels to be in love. So I would encourage you to have a long engagement and promise yourselves that when you have earned a college degree/ vocational diploma and a well paying job each first then you will get married. As for telling your parents it will give them time to adjust if you tell them you are getting engaged. Trust me, there is no rush and if you really love each other, you have the rest of your lives to do this. You will still be a young bride at 24 but you maybe will have a college degree as back up. All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): I agree, you need to slow down here and do some more work on your life before getting married. I know a year and a half seems like a long time, but you are so young and don't even know who you are yet. Give yourself time to finish growing up, find yourself, and get a good start on life before adding anyone else in.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (10 January 2010):
 If you are 18 your info states that you are older. These days not many 18 year olds get married. If they do it rarely works. What you both should be concentrating on is building up a future for yourselves.
Get a profession, go to college. Get a stable job. Save some money. Buy a house. Buy a car.
Then you think about marriage and children. If you have not got some of the above in place, you will feel worthless, there will be money problems and the arguments start.
Marriage looks all so glamorous but the reality is its not. Its hard work and you successful marriages are normally those where both parties have a life of their own and do not just exist for each other.
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