A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband went to luncheon with some female clients and when they asked him to bring me for lunch one day, he replied that I'm not fun like them. He told me this when he came home and realized his mistake when I was offended. He tried to correct himself by saying he meant I didn't drink like them and...(didn't finish his sentence or I don't recall) then said he told them I was a nice girl, quiet and mellow which just seems to sound worse to me. He has had 3-5 hour lunches with these clients and have told me on numerous times they're fun to be with. I am so hurt by his admission that I'm not fun and wonder why he's with me if that's how he feels. It's not like he ever takes me to lunch or dinner for 3 hours. Forget about the intimacy part of the relationship, it's non--existent. He only hugs me sometimes. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 straighten out the situation by saying i want to be with you like we are a couple. I want to have sex. I want to do stuff with you that makes me more than a friend.
If he doesn't fix himself divorce him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): yes Father is right. 2 categories of women men love to have. the faithful, boring, demure, wife taking care of household and kids. And then the party loving, sex filled, naughty " mistress" for him to have his evil way with. most men want decent , faithful wives, dressing somewhat conservatively. anything else will be scadalous. and then the "mistress" type, revealing, showy and full of it. someone to cater to their fun sexual side, bringing out the animal in them. one such man : my good family man brother. on one hand respectable wife, religious , family oriented. then the other, the mistress, funloving, revealing clothes, barbie doll , just perfect woman, just ready to roll in the sh!t with him. my brother does not mix these two types. in his mind they are 2 seperate people and in fact they are.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 January 2010):
 This is the classic Freudian slip. He said what was in the back of his mind when he intended to say something else. It appears that your husband is one of those men who have a double standard. There is one kind of girl that is fun to date and another kind that is for marrying. It's not that he doesn't appreciate you for what you are. He likes that you are constant and faithful. The problem is that in his mind there is a great division between the two. Because he sees you as in one group He can't see you as in the other. What he doesn't understand is that as you get older your attitudes change. You are now interested in things you weren't interested in. You now want to be a fun girl. You still want to be faithful but if he doesn't change his attitude towards you, your desire to get out more will overcome your basic faithful nature. You two need to communicate more. It may be helpful to get a counselor involved. It's still early in the process ther is time to make changes.
FA
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 January 2010):
Oops. He thought something and didn't really know how to say it so just said it and now has hurt you. I know your hurt by this, but try to look at this as the moment for you and him to kick start your marriage again. It sounds like you've both become a bit stuck. You say there is lack of intimacy, and clearly he has become a little stuck himself. So now is the time to really get it all going again. Go out with him, talk to him about the lack of intimacy and listen to him, and maybe go away on a weekend together. He has come to you because he is hoping that you will come out with him. Sadly he's also a male, so he said the wrong way. Also, maybe go out with your own friends a bit more. Make him work for your attention a bit more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): well you nice, quiet, mellow girl i think it is time you came out of your shell, don't you. after all why must hubby get all the fun , with the fun loving lot? can you imagine what him and his female clients talk about for this 3/5 hour lunch/dinner sessions. how about some sex talk, some girlie talk, some manly talk, some innocent flirting, some babe talk, some "wish my wife would understand me talk, the list goes on. how do i know this? i have been to sooooo many of these similar lunches. he seemed embarred of you, didn't he. like you were not equal to him and his girlies. well darling he just opened pandora's box. i am not telling you to go jump the first man who shows you some interest. i am telling you to go out there and discover yourself. so what if you are quiet, unassuming. you are his wife and he should be proud of you and being seen with you. BTW, NO INTIMACY FROM HIM, no laughs, no leisurely lunches/dinner, what about sex? something is not right here. so go have a haircut, different style please. buy new clothes, a tad bit fashionable. makeup and start slowly. read so that you can hold a conversation. "educate" yourself so that when lunch companions blow off hot air you know what they are talking about. you do not have to be loud or crass but fun loving and jovial. good luck girl, show that husband just how much of fun you can have....without him. Oh, and while you are at it, look out for some talent (lol)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): Oooops! That was an open mouth....insert foot moment! And it wasnt very nice of him. Atleast the women were being sisterly and invited you to join them, even if your husband doesnnt want you there! I also agree with Angzw 100% and have done that myself. It works! I didnt want a full blown drama just a little attention in a tired relationship. So i shed a few pounds. Got my daughter to help me apply make up! Introduced myself to push up bras (wow) and a decent wardrobe. Im afraid it didnt do much for the `tired` relationship but i now have a gorgeous partner 15 years my junior, who DOES think im fun to be around. Im sure you dont want anything as drastic as that but do start thinking about yourself a little more x
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (19 January 2010):
I agree with Angzw, go out and have fun yourself and show him what's up!
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (19 January 2010):
He is acting like a real loser. But instead of sitting around listening to his tales of fun, why don't you create a social life for yourself. Find some friends that you meet once or twice every week. Dress up, look good and go out and have some fun. He is taking you for granted because you are always around waiting on him. Wake him up with a new hairstyle, manicured nails, something slightly shorter or tighter that you would otherwise wear and take yourself to that movie he would never take you to. Don't be spiteful about it or make threats. Just happily leave and come back home after him with a glow. You deserve better for yourself than to take his rubbish.
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