| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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How do I earn her trust back?
Q. My girlfriend and i broke up a few months ago. I betrayed her trust and went through her phone because i suspected she was cheating. I told her what I had done, because i didn't want anything between us. Since her and my breakup I've told her how ...
A. 12 June 2012: O K
I have to say that from your original post I was afraid that there were enough problems in the relationship that it was irreparable. I do hope that you realize that she did not leave you because you looked in her phone. She left because ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about marrying her because she doesn't want sex anymore!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 18 months, and we have been living together for six months. When we started the relationship, sex was very good and quite regular at least one or two times a week but over the last five months i...
A. 12 June 2012: Forgot about medications, very well could be the case.
FA... (read in full...)
Will he ever change and commit to a one-on-one relationship?
Q. i am having a hard time with my bf of 6 years we have two kids together i have been feeling so much resentment towards him because we always break up n make up but during those times we break up he often hooks up with other girls and a few times he ...
A. 11 June 2012: I don't want to lay the blame at your door, when clearly he is guilty. You asked will he change. People rarely make significant changes without some outside force compelling them.
yes he will get older, and with that may come some mellowin... (read in full...)
Finally fell for my FWB, but only after she'd given up on me
Q. I've been single for 4 yrs now, I met this woman bout a year ago. We both we single for the same amount of time and decided to friends with benifits. We spend time together. We knew what we wanted which wasn't a relationship. As time go on we ...
A. 11 June 2012: Thanks for sharing.
This is a good cautionary tale that points out what many will ignore at their own peril. Intimacy is intimacy. Sexual, emotional, friendly, financial. Intimacy pulls people together and leads to more intimacy.
It is s... (read in full...)
I'm worried about marrying her because she doesn't want sex anymore!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 18 months, and we have been living together for six months. When we started the relationship, sex was very good and quite regular at least one or two times a week but over the last five months i...
A. 11 June 2012: It is interesting that the drop off in sex coincides with the moving in together. That could point to some triggers. Her words are telling us a different story. I think it would be beneficial to look at this from both directions.
Livin... (read in full...)
How do I earn her trust back?
Q. My girlfriend and i broke up a few months ago. I betrayed her trust and went through her phone because i suspected she was cheating. I told her what I had done, because i didn't want anything between us. Since her and my breakup I've told her how ...
A. 11 June 2012: I'm not entirely sure that you are asking the right question. But the question is good and worthy of discussion.
Real trust is built over years of good performance. Or in other words Trust is the reward for meeting expectations. So over tim... (read in full...)
Dating 4 years, no sex in 14 months..I know he's cheating!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. In the last 14 months we have not been sexually intimate with each other. He stopped coming around and spending quality time with me. All we do is talk on the phone. I've talked to him about my ...
A. 6 June 2012: Sidestepping the infallible intuition issue, There are medical reasons for his behavior that he may be too embarrassed to talk to you about. On the other hand, you have been incredibly patient to wait this long. It is certainly time for a talk.
... (read in full...)
I asked for a chance to win her back ....
Q. I have just come back from visiting my ex-girlfriend. We broke up around last november because she had to concentrate on school, but we have managed to stay friends. She had just graduated and I went to visit her at her home town because she was ...
A. 4 June 2012: Well Anonymous guy, I've been there. Fortunately for me my ex girlfriend was more willing to give me the whole story. Your ex is either trying to spare your feelings or is making the modern mistake of trying to keep an attachment to you. Either ... (read in full...)
What did my boss at the restaurant mean when he said "Clean the shaft too"? Was he hitting on me?
Q. Maybe it's just wishful thinking but I think my boss was coming on to me a couple of days ago. I work at a restaurant. I'm still kind of new to the place, only a few months in. I was cleaning near the latte machine and one of the spoons was dirty...
A. 28 May 2012: Do I think it was innocent? No, the combination of wrong word choice, your newness at the job, his physical closeness, all say watch out. The best way to handle this is to pretend that it was innocent and meant nothing. But to be wary in your ... (read in full...)
Can I get my medical records changed/updated?
Q. I went to the doctor's office for an Ingrown toe nail. This is my forth or fifth time there. The problem is when I look at the computer screen, I notice they listed "mild retardation" under my "ongoing medical problem". I am not retarded in ...
A. 28 May 2012: Chase,
I wish I knew the answer to that in the United States. Most Doctors / medical staff won't even let you see your records. It is a bit like your permanent school records.
The term "retarded" is legally loaded here and just using it ca... (read in full...)
How do I get my girlfriend to eat healthy and lose weight?
Q. Hello guys. I need some advice on talking to my girlfriend about her weight. I will first start off by saying i DO lover her and i will NOT leave her over this because she is just too special to me. I do however, think that she is not eating healthy ...
A. 23 May 2012: My experience supports the other comments. Doing things with her is going to help the most. I know that at the same time of life I packed on a bunch of weight. her new freedom has encouraged her to make some unhealthy lifestyle changes. The ... (read in full...)
How can I know is my husband cheating on me?
Q. How can I know is my husband cheating on me? Some advices, hints? I don't have money for a private investigator, though that would be the only thing that could pacify me. I feel something is going on, but he is too clever to leave the 'proofs'. What ...
A. 21 May 2012: To be honest It sounds more like stress and low testosterone than cheating. Of course having an affair is stressful. Any way it is good to hear that he is behaving better now. I would see a Dr. if I were him.
FA... (read in full...)
What are the pro's and con's of having a fake relationship with my gay friend to trick his mom?
Q. So, I've been really close friends with this guy since 6th grade, we're both now in 9th, and he's gay. He recently told his mother about himself. She was very angry about it and yelled at him about how he's never even experienced with a girl and ...
A. 17 May 2012: Trinity Hunter,
As a parent you can guess that the first thing I'm going to say is that you will get caught. Chances are that within six months either his parents or your parents will catch on to the lie / con. Then you will damage your relation... (read in full...)
How do I get a girlfriend?
Q. Since my satirical article on how to get a boyfriend (With the real advice on the bottom) seemed to be well liked, I thought I'd write one for the opposite gender! Like the last one, please don't read the first half and then leave. The first...
A. 15 May 2012: Myau,
To quote the song, "if she knew what she wanted he'd be giving it to her."
Many women have a lot of romantic ideas about what they want. Unfortunately they they tend to pick exciting over dependable. Often picking guys in opposition to... (read in full...)
How can I know is my husband cheating on me?
Q. How can I know is my husband cheating on me? Some advices, hints? I don't have money for a private investigator, though that would be the only thing that could pacify me. I feel something is going on, but he is too clever to leave the 'proofs'. What ...
A. 14 May 2012: logically there is no such thing as negative proof. You cant prove that nothing happened at any time. you can only prove that nothing happened during certain discrete blocks of time. Even a private investigator can only clear certain areas of his ... (read in full...)
Should I dress up and a nurse? or french maid?
Q. Hi I have been with my boyfriend for a year and I am trying to spice it up a bit I am planning on dressing up for him and surprising him but I was wondering what is a guys favourite a nurse french maid? Any answers would be greatly appreciated thank ...
A. 3 May 2012: Interesting question, it points out that there is some missing understanding in your relationship. I fond it interesting that your two choices are nurse, and Maid. You see the nurse is an authority figure, and the maid is subservient. I'm ... (read in full...)
I can't imagine that something as simple as remembering my birthday is so difficult for my boyfriend!
Q. My boyfriend has forgotton my birthday twice. Which is every time, since we've only been together for two years. My bday is right in between Christmas and New Year. We always spend a wonderful Christmas together and a few days later, he gets the ...
A. 3 May 2012: I have the same problem. I wonder if having your birthday so close to the holidays makes it harder. My wifes birthday is close to Independence day. I forgot the first few years. My advice to him is to shop early and put reminders in his phone. ... (read in full...)
He cheated, prom is only a week away and the dress is paid for. What to do?
Q. Help! I just found out my my boyfriend of 7 months has cheated on me. He kissed another girl while he was wasted at a party....and Prom is a week away. We already have tickets and i bought a $500 dress. My family is super excired to see us go. Im ...
A. 30 April 2012: As a Dad, I'm a lot less worried about the kiss than I am about the Substance Abuse. It is very sad, but if you cant trust him to make good decisions about kissing then can you trust him to make good decisions about driving? and Money? and ... (read in full...)
How do I get out of this shy slump?
Q. i have this problem with girls. i am 16 and last year at this time this girl and i liked each other. well...... it was the end of the school year and i had many opportunites to ask her out but i wimped out. i havent seen her at all this year accept ...
A. 28 April 2012: Shy Guy,
I'm so glad that Susie answered this first. It shows you what many girls expect of us, and will respect in us when we do it. They want us to be confident enough in ourselves to ask. It also points out that they will still respect ... (read in full...)
Am I just worried over nothing? Her love and appreciation only happens on line
Q. I've been with my girl friend for a while and i get texts, emails, messages on facebook, all telling me how great i am. What a nice kind guy I am. And a true gentleman. She tells me she enjoys it when i come over and spend time with her and her ...
A. 28 April 2012: thirteenthsoar,
You are worried over something that could make your relationship difficult. To put it bluntly you two have restricted communication. Many people find communicating online / via text easier than say Phone communication or face to ... (read in full...)
I want to do things differently and ask her out with a letter. Any ideas on what to say please?
Q. Can someone please give me a sample of a letter to send the girl I wish to ask to be my girlfriend? I do believe she is ready for the next step, as I know I am. She's 17, I'm 19. We've been talking for almost a year, and we both know we like each ...
A. 28 April 2012: Jazzed up,
3 possible answers to your question. All of them Old Fashioned.
1) the direct answer to your question. To see some samples, Read Alexandre Dumas, or William Shakespeare. Both full of hopelessly romantic men wooing women in ... (read in full...)
I feel like my guy friend is trying to make me his FWB!
Q. I have a really close guy friend for about 2 years now, we have a lot in common and we talk just about everything. I treat him just as a close friend and I have always been open to him about any topic, when he needs someone to talk to, I'd be the ...
A. 26 April 2012: Thanks for the followup (unconfirmed). Some of the new facts really change the picture. I had thought I understood the reason for your pain. Now I wonder if you are contemplating an affair with a man married to your friend.
This way lurks di... (read in full...)
How do I get my parents to let me stay at my boyfriend's apartment?
Q. I live with my parents and I'm 18 about to be 19 and I was hoping to sleep over at my boyfriend's apartment tomorrow the problem is my parents won't let me even out of the house some days. I don't know what to do?...
A. 25 April 2012: Show your Parents your level of maturity and responsibility by your actions. Show them that you are capable of making good , safe , thinking ahead kind of decisions. Don't expect your parents to be happy when you make decisions that may lead to ... (read in full...)
Am I having an affair?
Q. Am I having an affair? I am a married women, I have been with my husband for the past 15 years. We are best friends, we do everything together and enjoy each other's company very much. I met a men 3 years ago, we don't work together but do ...
A. 25 April 2012: I'm going to put my foot in it, mostly to confirm what YouWish has said so well.
You are not having a physical affair, you are having an emotional affair, which can be just as damaging. You show all the signs of a growing emotional attachme... (read in full...)
I feel like my guy friend is trying to make me his FWB!
Q. I have a really close guy friend for about 2 years now, we have a lot in common and we talk just about everything. I treat him just as a close friend and I have always been open to him about any topic, when he needs someone to talk to, I'd be the ...
A. 25 April 2012: Way back in mt teen years I had a situation like this. My friends girl friend was way to flirty / touchy with me. I felt compromised because of her actions. Like I was betraying my friend whenever she did something inappropriate. I'll never know ... (read in full...)
How do I cope with my sexless marriage?
Q. Alright, since my last question turned into a "what are you doing?" response page...I'll add more to my question. My wife and I have two sets of twins (11 yo girls, 7 yo boys) and we nearly have a sexless mariagge. She and I met when I was ...
A. 18 April 2012: Sorry I mentioned it.... (read in full...)
How do I get a girlfriend?
Q. Since my satirical article on how to get a boyfriend (With the real advice on the bottom) seemed to be well liked, I thought I'd write one for the opposite gender! Like the last one, please don't read the first half and then leave. The first...
A. 18 April 2012: No, actually the same is true for men. We all seem to have a huge blind spot when we try to see ourselves from the other side.
FA... (read in full...)
How do I get a girlfriend?
Q. Since my satirical article on how to get a boyfriend (With the real advice on the bottom) seemed to be well liked, I thought I'd write one for the opposite gender! Like the last one, please don't read the first half and then leave. The first...
A. 18 April 2012: Hi Shadowrose,
Good to see you around. I followed your link to this. I like your take on how to get a girlfriend, but I still believe Clark Devlin's advice to never get advice about women from women.
FA... (read in full...)
How do I cope with my sexless marriage?
Q. Alright, since my last question turned into a "what are you doing?" response page...I'll add more to my question. My wife and I have two sets of twins (11 yo girls, 7 yo boys) and we nearly have a sexless mariagge. She and I met when I was ...
A. 17 April 2012: Person 12345
Thanks for replying. I will further clarify. It is not doing housework that is unmanly. I am in favor of men doing Housework, especially the gross chores like scrubbing toilets. There are some other chores that are traditio... (read in full...)
How do I cope with my sexless marriage?
Q. Alright, since my last question turned into a "what are you doing?" response page...I'll add more to my question. My wife and I have two sets of twins (11 yo girls, 7 yo boys) and we nearly have a sexless mariagge. She and I met when I was ...
A. 17 April 2012: El Bubba,
I agree that the typical "help around the house answer is misguided advice. Women often say that the reason for lack of interest is seated in frustration with domestic chores. While that is true, experience has taught us that changing... (read in full...)
Will having only one testicle affect my sex life?
Q. t have one testicle . would it affect my sexual life. I am 23 years old and virgin guy....
A. 11 April 2012: Low Testosterone is a likely outcome. I have a friend in the same boat. Low testosterone has a lot of side effects that could make a relationship more difficult but it is not something that can not be worked around. Hormone therapy is available. ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend has a thing for his ex, who happens to be my best friend! What should I do?
Q. I think my boyfriend still has a thing for his ex, which is my best friend.. When ever I talk to him or text him he always mentions his ex! I try and change the subject but he just goes back to it. We have been together 4 day's but we have liked ...
A. 10 April 2012: Hey OP,
Aside from everything else, you need to read this.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/remember-the-code-respect-girl-code-and-.html
Going with your best friends ex is an absolute minefield. The most likely outcome is the loss of y... (read in full...)
Can it be harmful to have sex during a period?
Q. So..me and my girlfriend had sex while she was on her period. ( please don't judge) I was wondering if this was bad in any kind of way? Like can it harm our bodies and stuff like that. Thank You...
A. 10 April 2012: And from a guy, Yes you should not be judged for that. Yes it is safe. Yes be a responsible partner and practice safe sex. Oh and make sure you clean up, and don't embarrass her about it. Soak in cold water to remove any stains.
FA... (read in full...)
How do I become a jerk to attract girls?
Q. what does it take to get a gf? im honest, nice, smart and above average looking. i am 16 but it seems that guys who are jerks usually attract girls attention. How do i do that?...
A. 9 April 2012: There is a book for that.
But I don't recommend it as a lifestyle choice.
There is a better way. What you have stumbled on is the nice guys finish last syndrome. It's counter-intuitive but nonetheless happens frequently. The good news is... (read in full...)
What should I do with my hands during foreplay?
Q. During foreplay, what are some things I can do with my hands? I feel like I always just run my hands through his hair lol, and not much else. What are some ways I can touch a guy that will drive him crazy?...
A. 9 April 2012: So very,
The question was easy until your interpretation. The more I think about it the harder it is to answer. But, I guess she would like some answers from guys so I'll put in a few ideas that have worked. (disclaimer: Passionate people c... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's mum came home while we were having sex!
Q. Hey aunts and uncles! I have a quick question for the mums out there or anyone really that can help! Long story short me and my boyfriend were over heard having sex today in his house. We are both 21 so not kids! We didn't know she was hom...
A. 5 April 2012: Well, I did ask my daughter to try not to get caught by her younger siblings.
FA... (read in full...)
My mom still treats me like I'm a 5 year old!
Q. I'm not really sure what to do and I need some help. I have no real relationship with anybody in my family due to the fact that when I was 12, I was basically abandoned by them. Yes, I still live with them and and had basic necessities, but I was ...
A. 5 April 2012: I do not believe that you will ever have the relationship with your parent that you believe you should have. Parents naturally want to guide and protect their children. They do not offer unconditional support of every decision. They are whole ... (read in full...)
Should I set a proposal timeline? Or just wait and see what happens?
Q. I have posted to this forum a few times before and here I am again. I am back with my boyfriend and we are in couples therapy together (his idea ) to work on our communication issues and work towards our common goal of marriage ( he tells me that ...
A. 5 April 2012: So after a re-reading and updating It occurs to me that I never answered the original question. This is the the point and pretty much everything else is decided.
What you (confused) want to know is what is a reasonable timeline for the journey ... (read in full...)
Should I set a proposal timeline? Or just wait and see what happens?
Q. I have posted to this forum a few times before and here I am again. I am back with my boyfriend and we are in couples therapy together (his idea ) to work on our communication issues and work towards our common goal of marriage ( he tells me that ...
A. 4 April 2012: Dear Confused,
Everyone is telling you that marriage won't make a difference, when you are telling us that to you it does. I think your guy is getting that. I believe he understands. I believe that he is afraid of his ability. I don't know how... (read in full...)
Should I set a proposal timeline? Or just wait and see what happens?
Q. I have posted to this forum a few times before and here I am again. I am back with my boyfriend and we are in couples therapy together (his idea ) to work on our communication issues and work towards our common goal of marriage ( he tells me that ...
A. 3 April 2012: I like your followup a lot more than your original message you seem to have your head on straight. Yes selling your home would not be a good idea. Yes working out things is part of being married.
The problem is that you are dealing with a c... (read in full...)
Should I set a proposal timeline? Or just wait and see what happens?
Q. I have posted to this forum a few times before and here I am again. I am back with my boyfriend and we are in couples therapy together (his idea ) to work on our communication issues and work towards our common goal of marriage ( he tells me that ...
A. 3 April 2012: Don't declare an ultimatum that you are unable to enforce. In other words if you tell him that if you are not engaged by June 1st, you will start dating other men, then you had better be prepared to start dating other men. If in fact you are not ... (read in full...)
How can people compare porn to a romance novel?
Q. How can people compare porn to a romance novel? A romance novel is harmless words on a page, porn is a picture of a real person with no clothes on who exists who can easily be compared. Same with a vibrator it's a piece of plastic....
A. 23 March 2012: For your information and not to claim that it is entirely accurate: I use the etymological definition of porn. Porn = Prostitute Graph = writing. Writing of prostitutes.
Come to think of it that isn't the definition I use. Material that is ... (read in full...)
How can people compare porn to a romance novel?
Q. How can people compare porn to a romance novel? A romance novel is harmless words on a page, porn is a picture of a real person with no clothes on who exists who can easily be compared. Same with a vibrator it's a piece of plastic....
A. 22 March 2012: MiaMine,
Oh I do agree that my view is unpopular. I don't expect it to be accepted by any majority. But I feel it is my responsibility to push society in what I believe is a helpful direction. Thanks for reading my opinion.
FA... (read in full...)
How can people compare porn to a romance novel?
Q. How can people compare porn to a romance novel? A romance novel is harmless words on a page, porn is a picture of a real person with no clothes on who exists who can easily be compared. Same with a vibrator it's a piece of plastic....
A. 21 March 2012: I'm pretty sure the topic was not which gender is more privileged. I've also noticed that the original anonymous poster has not returned any comment. I've pretty much concluded that every one is going to defend their favorite sexual hobby by ... (read in full...)
How can people compare porn to a romance novel?
Q. How can people compare porn to a romance novel? A romance novel is harmless words on a page, porn is a picture of a real person with no clothes on who exists who can easily be compared. Same with a vibrator it's a piece of plastic....
A. 19 March 2012: Person thank you for the red herring point. I must agree that the argument against romance novels is most often used this way. I also firmly believe that the excessive use of romance novels is harmful to the user and the relationship. I've been ... (read in full...)
How can people compare porn to a romance novel?
Q. How can people compare porn to a romance novel? A romance novel is harmless words on a page, porn is a picture of a real person with no clothes on who exists who can easily be compared. Same with a vibrator it's a piece of plastic....
A. 19 March 2012: Well I believe that the comparison has to do with the difference in the way men and women become aroused. This is not true in every case but is a fair approximation. Men are stimulated visually. Women are stimulated emotionally. Just looking at ... (read in full...)
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