| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Men: Would you chose a nature program on tv or sex with your girlfriend?
Q. If you were 45 years old and had your 21 year old girlfriend ask you to bed for a blow job and sex would you choose a nature programme (that could be recorded) or your girlfriend. i would appreciate your comments ...
A. 28 July 2012: As a man in the neighborhood of 45 years old. I'm marginally qualified to answer this question. I, and apparently every other guy who has read this in the last hour, believe that there is a lot more to this than a hypothetical question. We are ... (read in full...)
My husband addict masturbating instead having sex with me and he always rejecting me when I tried made move or touch him.
Q. I just wanna to swear . I'm miserable wife. People kept saying I'm young cus i will be 28 next month. My husband always having masturbating himself since before married me and still now. We already married for nearly 9 years and this has to stop ...
A. 25 July 2012: Alekin24,
I want to throw in a few points on top of what has already been posted.
There is an old saying, A relationship with sex and no marriage will outlast a marriage without sex. There are exceptions to the rule, but it is a good genera... (read in full...)
I want a boyfriend.....
Q. Hey, I'm 15, and I want a boyfriend. I don't want any of that "you're too young" sh*t. Just give me nice answers :). Ok, so I'm home-schooled, and I only know 3-4 guys, one's Wayy too young (he's like 10), one likes me but just as a friend (which I...
A. 19 July 2012: OK I'll Bite.
Tashxx,
First off I'll give you nice answers when you write a nice question. Sorry just had to be said.
You have asked two important questions that deserve good answers. First how can you meet more people. You have receiv... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend to look "girly" during sex
Q. okay here goes! I want my boyfriend to wear black eyeliner (around the entire eye) and have sex with me. just once. maybe very occasionally since it's very weird but it's a fantasy i want fufilled! i don't know how he's going to feel about this, ...
A. 19 July 2012: Serpico,
Your reply points out so well exactly what might happen when she brings up this request. I suspect the percentage of guys who would echo you response would be in the 80's.
I got a nice chuckle from your parting line as well. I beli... (read in full...)
I am pretty sure my baby's father is the man I cheated on my husband with, and he wants access to the baby but wont do it properly because he cant afford to pay maintenance!
Q. I am married, and have a child whom I conceived before getting married. I had issues with my hubby, (then boyfriend) and cheated on him. There is a high possibility that the baby is for the man I cheated with (still cant figure out why I sunk so ...
A. 19 July 2012: Original poster asks "Am I being selfish?"
Selfishness is defined as looking out only for your own benefit. You have made your decisions to give your child the best possible family life. That is not selfish, That is looking out for the benefit ... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can change to get a boyfriend?
Q. Hi everyone I'm 17 and have never really had a real boyfriend, boys tell me I'm pretty, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful, cute... They've called me everything you can imagine, but I'm still single. I've never been inlove, I just wanna know how it's fe...
A. 19 July 2012: izzygurl,
I'd like to post an opposing point of view.
Relationships don't "just happen". You have to at least put up the open sign before people will visit your store. I'm not saying that you need to be loose or provocative. I'... (read in full...)
I'm having to chose between the gym to keep my body or my girlfriend!
Q. Here' s the thing. My girlfriend has been complaining of lately that I don't spend enough time with her. I can totally understand her argument because I simply have too much going on to devote a large majority of my time to her. I work full time, ...
A. 19 July 2012: Original poster asks "My real question is, do women want the athletic guy even though his clock can't revolve around her or do they prefer an avergae joe who can spare more personal time with her?"
What women want is a relationship. This is a gen... (read in full...)
My parents are superstituous and want me to wear a necklace, but I don't share their views and I don't want to wear it! What should I do?
Q. I have a strange situation on my hands and I'm not sure how to deal with it. My parents are... very, very supersitious for lack of a better way to put it. My dad has ordered this pendant for me to wear around my neck; he has his reasons for beli...
A. 19 July 2012: It is too bad that at your age you are not able to be out on your own. I do understand, my daughter is in the same boat.
I was surprised at your use of the word "hideous". At first I thought you were talking about a standard religious symbol. ... (read in full...)
I am pretty sure my baby's father is the man I cheated on my husband with, and he wants access to the baby but wont do it properly because he cant afford to pay maintenance!
Q. I am married, and have a child whom I conceived before getting married. I had issues with my hubby, (then boyfriend) and cheated on him. There is a high possibility that the baby is for the man I cheated with (still cant figure out why I sunk so ...
A. 19 July 2012: That is such a sad story. I'd like to add my advice to you. Working on the marriage and keeping your daughter away from a drug user are signs that you have the right priorities now. Keep on doing the things that are best for your child. Your ... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend to look "girly" during sex
Q. okay here goes! I want my boyfriend to wear black eyeliner (around the entire eye) and have sex with me. just once. maybe very occasionally since it's very weird but it's a fantasy i want fufilled! i don't know how he's going to feel about this, ...
A. 19 July 2012: Certainly eyeliner, would be easier than asking him to be "girly". There are many more difficult sexual fantasies out there.
I would like to sound a word of caution. Some fantasies should stay in your mind. For example my wife has a prostitu... (read in full...)
Why do women insist on pursuing a man knowing that he's in a relationship?
Q. This question is primarily for females. Why is it when u meet someone new or connect with someone from ur past and one of u are in a relationship with someone else, WHY DO WOMEN PERSIST ON SEDUCING THE PERSON KNOWING THEIR IN A RELATIONSHIP? Is it ...
A. 12 July 2012: So Very,
Nicely said. I enjoyed your description of a stable relationship. It feels very right to me.
About the power thing, I brought it up as an answer a friend had given me. I am certain that it doesn't fit in all cases. She is a... (read in full...)
Why do women insist on pursuing a man knowing that he's in a relationship?
Q. This question is primarily for females. Why is it when u meet someone new or connect with someone from ur past and one of u are in a relationship with someone else, WHY DO WOMEN PERSIST ON SEDUCING THE PERSON KNOWING THEIR IN A RELATIONSHIP? Is it ...
A. 11 July 2012: I see that this is a general question based on your observations here. I once asked a woman a very similar question. I asked Why a younger woman would pursue an older married man. From my point of view there was little to gain. Old guys with ... (read in full...)
Do men over 40 really not want to have sex?
Q. I am very concerned about the amount of sex or lack of with my boyfriend of 1.5 appx. he recently moved back home his mom is sick, but I am her caretaker..we dont live together and he didnt really want to move back home he likes his privacy. we ...
A. 9 July 2012: Stress, lack of privacy, or another girl. They all sound likely.
To answer your question directly, I'm over 40 under 50 and three times a week would be great.
FA... (read in full...)
How do I know if I still love my wife after 20 years?
Q. My wife and I will be married for 20 years this August. One thing I am struggling with is whether I am still in love with her or not. Certainly, I do not feel the same way about her I did 15 years ago in terms of the fluttery feeling of the earl...
A. 7 July 2012: nicely phrased Anon. O P
This seems to be a fairly common question lately. The lines are getting more and more blurred. Personal entitlement seems to be a factor, as does a sense of freedom that (relatively) easy divorce offers.
First you ask... (read in full...)
Fathers in the delivery room: who should have the final say?
Q. I had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend earlier about fathers in the delivery room. I'd like to find out what others make of the issue! My boyfriend said he'd rather not be in present, but if the mother wanted him there he'd compl...
A. 6 July 2012: How about old guys thoughts?
The old cliche' of the father sitting in the waiting room smoking, is long dead. I'm hearing some waves from the very young about things they would rather not remember seeing. and in between was my generati... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is jealous of something that didn't happen
Q. Okay so my boyfriend and I started "talking" in February and we recently started dating like 2 weeks ago. I'm 16 and he's 19. He's always been reallyyyyy sensative, and sometimes its really annoying and other times its cute. Like when we first ...
A. 5 July 2012: an anonymous male reader asks; "How is the boyfriend being insecure?"
The OP stated: "bf asks me tons of questions like why did he spend the night, did yall do anything sexual, etc and I said no."
O K at this point, I could see him not bein... (read in full...)
Money and an inheritance is tearing my family apart. How can this be stopped? People are turning on each other in my family.
Q. I have a large family of brothers and sisters and both parents. Everyone outside thinks we are really close and get along but we dont. Lately a relation passed away they left all their possessions to half my family who only went to see them whe...
A. 2 July 2012: And the wise woman said I'm going to spend down to my last quarter, and when I Die, I'll swallow that too.
Ive seen much worse than your families problems. Even when there is no money. I've seen hurt feelings of a set of salt shakers. I've see... (read in full...)
Can a marriage work with different hobbies/interests?
Q. Can a marriage work with different hobbies/interests? I just feel so lonely that all we do together is watch tv. Have talked and tried to arrange more things together but he just not interested. We agreed to a walk on the beach recently but it ...
A. 2 July 2012: Oh yes, this is not just hobbies.
The relationship is young and mistakes are being made.
But the subject of diverse hobbies is a good question. I've seen some things and done some things so I have a bit of experience to share on the top... (read in full...)
I want to be sexy for my guy but don't have the money for new clothes
Q. Hey! Im gonna be spending some intimate time with my boyfriend. We've been together for a year and almost 2 months (yay!) Well im looking for some lingerie ideas but i cant really go out and buy anything so im trying to use some clothes that I a...
A. 2 July 2012: Hi OP,
Just a note from the guys side.
Your idea sounds hot to me. And what Person said about his shirt is also very nice to see.
Amongst older guys like me, we have a joke about lingerie. No need to try it on, if it looks good on the ha... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is jealous of something that didn't happen
Q. Okay so my boyfriend and I started "talking" in February and we recently started dating like 2 weeks ago. I'm 16 and he's 19. He's always been reallyyyyy sensative, and sometimes its really annoying and other times its cute. Like when we first ...
A. 1 July 2012: You really aren't that happy with him. You are mostly with him because breaking up would be difficult. At your age, 15 or 16, you have a lot of time to make mistakes and have relationships. This guy was probably a mistake.
If I was advising... (read in full...)
She goes weeks without touching me but promises me we'll have plenty of sex once married
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for a 1.5 years and we are compatible in almost every way. Both of us are in our early 30's. My sex drive is still very high and I always want some no matter how tired or overworked I am. I am agnostic and she...
A. 30 June 2012: Dear original poster,
Thanks for the follow up. You do seem more committed to her than the trust level in your first post would indicate. You are struggling, not so much with whether or not she is a good choice as with whether or not you are ... (read in full...)
How can a single mom get a boyfriend?
Q. How can a single mom get a boyfriend? Im pretty active, I go to school and work 24 hours a week. I have a beautiful 16 month old son. The dad and me are still ok but he lives 4 hours away. It seems like the only guys I can attract now are guys who...
A. 29 June 2012: Sounds like you have kids and no "real" money. A bit pushy to demand of others what you don't have yourself. On the other hand I do think you should look for manliness. That should be findable. A guy willing to "date" at your age is going to be ... (read in full...)
Is it fair for my partner to blame me for looking at his emails when I found out he's cheating again?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two and a half years. We have an 8 month old daughter together. We were starting new and moved recently to a new state because of a job opportunity for him. A few months ago I noticed him acting a ...
A. 29 June 2012: I just don't understand this relatively new idea that people in committed relationships aren't automatically allowed access to all areas of their partners life. I can't believe that a partner should feel guilty for looking in the phone or e-mail. ... (read in full...)
I've been told that I'm good looking, easy going, genuine and have a sense of humor. I thought these were desirable qualities. So why do I get zero interest from women other than wanting to just be friends?
Q. I really don’t know what to do anymore and I’d really appreciate any advice I can get. I’m 26 years old and have never been in a romantic relationship or had a serious girlfriend. I’m really beginning to wonder if there will ever be a woman ...
A. 29 June 2012: Nice original post. I like the title a lot. My first thought was that you are the typical nice guy, who finish's last. I thought that what you would be missing was that sense of excitement / danger / mystery that most women crave. After reading ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend accuses me of cheating every day!
Q. My boyfriend accusses me of cheating everday,ive never and wld never cheat but really he is ruining what we have. I love him but im tired of defending myself it is making me physically sick! What do i do?...
A. 29 June 2012: Great answers, Not sure I know why I feel the need to chime in here.
Constant accusations are a form of verbal / emotional abuse. He is doing it to keep you off balance and submissive. Nasty and insidious method of playing the victim while in... (read in full...)
She goes weeks without touching me but promises me we'll have plenty of sex once married
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for a 1.5 years and we are compatible in almost every way. Both of us are in our early 30's. My sex drive is still very high and I always want some no matter how tired or overworked I am. I am agnostic and she...
A. 29 June 2012: "we are compatible in almost every way."
Except, you don't trust her.
The idea that you would accept an open sexual relationship and she would find it repulsive is also a major incompatibility.
I would advise against further involvement.
... (read in full...)
Shattered that it could happen to me twice.
Q. I'm new here. I'm 51 and divorced. This is really for the more mature crowd. I would really like to figure out how this could have happened to me, twice now. My background is I married at 36 and my husband left me, for another woman after 16 y...
A. 29 June 2012: Yes Bond girl. excellent ideas, service to turn your self out ward. Being aware of internet relationships. and people at my age and the Original Posters age know what a real date is. That would be so much better.
Sorry I couldn't say it a... (read in full...)
I just want sex from him, so he cut me off. What can I do?
Q. Hello. I'm in a really tough situation. I have been in a committed relationship for 4 years, but there has been no sexual chemistry for a year due to health problems. I finally got tired of not being satisfied so 2 months ago things got pretty ...
A. 28 June 2012: If a man had written this post he would be tied to the post and horsewhipped by now. Not that I'm making any excuse, heck I'll bring the rope. This is not the way to resolve a sexual difficulty in a "committed relationship"
Intimacy is intimacy... (read in full...)
Shattered that it could happen to me twice.
Q. I'm new here. I'm 51 and divorced. This is really for the more mature crowd. I would really like to figure out how this could have happened to me, twice now. My background is I married at 36 and my husband left me, for another woman after 16 y...
A. 28 June 2012: So men are all a bunch of liars. I can live with that blunt generalization. There are enough bad examples of it out there. But I have as question. What are you bringing to the table? I can see what you want, and I like that, I agree that those ... (read in full...)
Would it be rude to ask for gift cards instead of gifts?
Q. This is not a relationship question but I am curious. My daughters first birthday is next month and we plan on keeping it simple inviting family and a few close family friends. Now I know usually people buy clothes or toys for gifts and I'm wonderin...
A. 28 June 2012: Interesting question, on one hand it unburdens the guests from shopping. On the other hand it deprives them of expressing their personality. When it comes to small children, opening is more important than what the gift is. I remember my toddlers ... (read in full...)
My older friend targets younger girls. Should I talk to him about it?
Q. Hello all, I know this opinion may be controversial, but here it goes. My friend just graduated from high school. He's a really cool guy and all but he always goes after girls who are 13 or 14. This is weird to me. I don't mind age differen...
A. 28 June 2012: He is not "cool". He is a week, manipulative, #@%$! I used to be that age. You should hear how these guys who date younger girls talk about them. They prefer young girls because they are "trainable". They deliberately use them. And they do ... (read in full...)
New boyfriend admitted he can't get an erection because of my weight and I'm devastated....Help!?
Q. I have an incredible new boyfriend I really like, but he has trouble getting and keeping an erection, and the reason is.....my weight. We are incredibly drawn to each other on so many levels- intellectually, emotionally, etc. He says he finds my ...
A. 22 June 2012: So he suffers an erectile failure and his solution to this is to make you feel like Quasi Modo? What a pig.
#1 he is attracted to you.
#2 He is not 25 any more either.
#3 he needs to talk to a Dr. and not his buddies at the gym / wor... (read in full...)
Sex for the first time, but worried what my boyfriend will think of me naked!
Q. Hi everyone :) Me and my boyfriend are going to have sex for the first time this weekend, and im completely ready in every way except that im really insecure about my body. Im a bit chubby and im worried he'll be totally repulsed my me and not want ...
A. 21 June 2012: My opinion has been, and will continue to be:
If you don't already know what he is going to think, say, do, then you do not trust him enough to share that intimate act with him.
FA... (read in full...)
Is it really possible for him to change after everything he has done? How do I learn to trust him?
Q. Hey, I'd love some perspectives on whether people who betray the trust of others ever regret it or change? Basically, I've been with my bf nearly 2 years and we're looking for a place to move into together, as suggested by him. At 7 months, ...
A. 21 June 2012: Often I think that a question needs a mans viewpoint. This one has been covered so well that I hesitate to throw my 2 cents in.
The question isn't his problem. You know that and if you don't Bond Girl has clued you in. The question is your pro... (read in full...)
My ex is already in a new relationship a few weeks after we broke up! We were together 4.5 years! Rebound? What is this?
Q. We were together 4.5 years, he loved me so much and even wanted to marry me. I broke up with him at uni due to lies on his part and the fact we were always arguing. He always said he couldn't live without me, would never let me go, etc. But he ...
A. 14 June 2012: So very confused says it so nicely. The signs are all there. There were more lies than you thought. It appears that he is not as stable and steady as you thought. It is also plain that he can't handle a long distance relationship.
The best thi... (read in full...)
Is there any way I can change the way she feels about me?
Q. Me and this girl started dating about September and we had real good compatibility. I loved her and she loved me but recently she broke up with me said to me that she doesn't feel the same way about me that she used to. One reasons she said why she ...
A. 14 June 2012: Can I help you change the way she feels? no. Can I help you learn from your mistake? Yes.
Poor listening is a common problem for men of all ages. One of the difficulties is that we hate to stop thinking about what we were thinking about wh... (read in full...)
A guy told me the other day . If I really love him, I must reduce my weight ? Why would someone say like that ??
Q. A guy told me the other day . If i really love him, I must reduce my weight ? Why would someone say like that ??...
A. 13 June 2012: 30 is not young but could still be inexperienced. Or, it could be spoiled.
FA... (read in full...)
A guy told me the other day . If I really love him, I must reduce my weight ? Why would someone say like that ??
Q. A guy told me the other day . If i really love him, I must reduce my weight ? Why would someone say like that ??...
A. 13 June 2012: BearN,
Some people, when they are young, get the foolish notion that if they love someone enough, the other person will change for them. They will stop smoking, stop drinking, stop cheating, lose weight, change religions, or any number of thing... (read in full...)
How do I earn her trust back?
Q. My girlfriend and i broke up a few months ago. I betrayed her trust and went through her phone because i suspected she was cheating. I told her what I had done, because i didn't want anything between us. Since her and my breakup I've told her how ...
A. 12 June 2012: O K
I have to say that from your original post I was afraid that there were enough problems in the relationship that it was irreparable. I do hope that you realize that she did not leave you because you looked in her phone. She left because ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about marrying her because she doesn't want sex anymore!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 18 months, and we have been living together for six months. When we started the relationship, sex was very good and quite regular at least one or two times a week but over the last five months i...
A. 12 June 2012: Forgot about medications, very well could be the case.
FA... (read in full...)
Will he ever change and commit to a one-on-one relationship?
Q. i am having a hard time with my bf of 6 years we have two kids together i have been feeling so much resentment towards him because we always break up n make up but during those times we break up he often hooks up with other girls and a few times he ...
A. 11 June 2012: I don't want to lay the blame at your door, when clearly he is guilty. You asked will he change. People rarely make significant changes without some outside force compelling them.
yes he will get older, and with that may come some mellowin... (read in full...)
I'm worried about marrying her because she doesn't want sex anymore!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going out for about 18 months, and we have been living together for six months. When we started the relationship, sex was very good and quite regular at least one or two times a week but over the last five months i...
A. 11 June 2012: It is interesting that the drop off in sex coincides with the moving in together. That could point to some triggers. Her words are telling us a different story. I think it would be beneficial to look at this from both directions.
Livin... (read in full...)
How do I earn her trust back?
Q. My girlfriend and i broke up a few months ago. I betrayed her trust and went through her phone because i suspected she was cheating. I told her what I had done, because i didn't want anything between us. Since her and my breakup I've told her how ...
A. 11 June 2012: I'm not entirely sure that you are asking the right question. But the question is good and worthy of discussion.
Real trust is built over years of good performance. Or in other words Trust is the reward for meeting expectations. So over tim... (read in full...)
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