A
male
age
26-29,
*nd man
writes:what does it take to get a gf? im honest, nice, smart and above average looking. i am 16 but it seems that guys who are jerks usually attract girls attention. How do i do that? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Philosopher Stone +, writes (1 February 2014):
Out of all available women, a certain subset is clearly attracted to some kind of "jerk" type behavior in men! The only real question is just how large that segment really is! The problem with genuine nice guys lies in the element of caring! True nice guys care a great deal about the feelings of others! This often works against them! You cannot improve on a person who truly cares about others! Such people are indeed humanity's finest! And yet many truly caring men are unwanted by many women! These rejected men are as pearls before unthinking swine!
These sterling men do not need to be improved to become more acceptable to women! They need to be DEGRADED to become more acceptable to women! YES DEGRADED! To be more acceptable to women, these men must give up some part of the beautiful, precious element of caring that sets them apart from jerks! To an extent, modesty and concern for others must be traded for arrogance and disregard for others! Lack of caring is the very essence of being a jerk!
This is necessary because a deeply caring man would be hurt by all the rejections he'd have to face from spoiled women who only know automatic unearned acceptance by men! For better or worse, many women see callous disregard and disrespect as manly strength! By giving up the element of caring, a man can approach HUNDREDS or even THOUSANDS of women like an uncaring con man criminal searching for victims to exploit!
After all, success with women is a numbers game! After many approaches and interactions, a man becomes practiced and smooth! Many women don't seem to realize that a man who expends vast effort into becoming a successful womanizer isn't likely to be satisfied with only 1 woman! And without the element of caring, any woman can be dumped like yesterday's garbage! And the jerk just moves on to the next!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Doc H
Jerks get ahead ONLY because
1- they relax
2- they ask, and don't worry about rejection
3- they are confident and assertive in what they want, not meek and submissive
I do these without being a jerk, and I'm a giant nerd and it works so perfectly that:
1- nice girls (and girls in general actually) are more interested in me these days
2- these awful "had my fun and want to settle" types have now stopped approaching me completely (I'd get one a year before then)
In other words, its a chick magnet and a bitch repellant all in one!
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A
female
reader, whatarewegonnado_withthemboys +, writes (10 April 2012):
 hii, there...
PLEASE don't become a jerk!!! because eventually, those girls who are fawning over the jerky guys grow up and start realizing what they REALLY want/need...which is a sweetheart guy who isn't going to play jerky mind games with them all the time and all of the other stuff that jerks do. for some reason, the jerks ARE usually really attractive when you're in high school...buuut if they're anything like me, those girls are going to change their minds as they get older. soo, just keep on being your non-jerky self...and wait for the girl who is going to love every single part of it. ")
good luck, and God bless,
~sarsar~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): hello,
please, please dont go down that road. the world doesnt need anymore jerks in it!
i promise you there are girls out there who would love a guy like you, trust me im one of them.
just be who you are, just build up your confidence a bit, socialise and work hard. your only 16, and girls who are at that age dont know what guy is best so they always miss the good guy. but dont worry theres some good ones out there, just give it time.
sometimes the best thing to do is stop looking, thats usually when the thing you wanted jumps out!
good luck!
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A
female
reader, bOy CrAzY;} +, writes (10 April 2012):
Okay take it from me. Girls like confident strong guys. Don't be overly jerky and be a total asswhole. But don't be a pussy either. Don't back down. Don't be pushy but be demanding. Girls like someone who is going to be strong and firm with them except for all of the weird sensitive girls. Get muscles and confidence and know what you want and you will get it if you want it enough:)
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 I've always ended up dating total jerks and making excuses for them because of what I think is Stockholm Syndrome. But in the end, even women realise when a man is a jerk and there is only so much that they will take. Yes, many jerks have a lot more girlfriends than the nice guys but they usually don't end up in long, stable, loving relationships. Women ultimately value stability and loyalty over biceps or 'mean guy' vibes. Be who you are, retain your basic decency and you'll find love. You're only 16...you have your whole life ahead of you.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (10 April 2012):
I feel you bro. when i was 16 I felt the exact same way. I didnt have any one to teach me or talk to so i started hanging out with the popular group at school. I wouldnt say do that because its hard too join that group. But i played sports and just blended into it. First start working out. get bigger. Girls at your age like older bigger guys. at 16 i was 150. going into my senior year I was 210 pounds. I was the 3rd strongest kid at my school. I worked out everyday and I committed to changing myself. I literally took all my clothes and bought new clothes. Clothes I would have normally not bought but I did and changed my image.
Over summer come back to school and be a new person. Hangout with different groups. Meet new people, party... also I through crazy partys over spring break that are still being talked about a year later... Did i get int trouble with the parents? Yes!!! was it worth it? YES!!
When you talk to girls. be interested in what they have to say. even if it isnt interesting. For example I was talking to this girl a coupe days ago at lunch about school and she brought up her schools spirt rally s and how they had hay stalking lol. I thought it was really interesting and asked more and made jokes that i bet everyone drives tractors to school.. and they do lol! just be interested and things click. smile laugh make eye contact.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 I beg to disagree with Person12345 who says women don't like jerks. All it takes it to realize that there is such a huge number of abused, battered women who just can't leave the man they adore. And the even higher number of women who say "he's good at heart, but I had to leave him". Et cetera. You'd get the impression poster has.
NOW, I don't think being a jerk is a good thing. You know, there's more to your life than getting a girl. If you have to turn into bad ass just so you can get a few kisses, then something is wrong with your priorities.
Be a good man and someone will come your way.
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (10 April 2012):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-i-get-a-girlfriend.html
I think you should read my article on how to get a girlfriend. It's a follow-up from my other article, How to get a Boyfriend, and I think it might help you.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Hmmm I've DUMPED many jerks, rejected many jerks, only dated one. For 5 weeks. Then I dumped him. Because of the obvious, he was a jerk. Women don't like jerks. Women like guys who are nice to them and talk to them. Jerks just seem to get more women because they are more confident and actually go up and talk to women and ask them out. You don't need to be a jerk, you just need more confidence to approach women.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 April 2012):
 There is a book for that.
But I don't recommend it as a lifestyle choice.
There is a better way. What you have stumbled on is the nice guys finish last syndrome. It's counter-intuitive but nonetheless happens frequently. The good news is that as you get older it drops off some. The bad news is that by then you may be so beaten down by it that you will have lost all confidence. So here is the background info and some suggestions on what to do to be attractive without being a "jerk".
Women are biologically programmed to seek out strong males as mates. Or if you don't believe that they like exciting guys. Either reason explains what is going on in your world. Eventually they mature enough to see that stability is a very strong trait in men. Or they get tired of living on the edge, or worst case they get tired of being beaten and go looking for a nice , but strong stable guy.
Now, women like men are not slaves to their biological programing, after all we are thinking beings. The trick is to show them that you can be strong and exciting without being a "jerk". There are two keys to this, confidence, and manliness.
Confidence means that you don't rely on any other person (especially any prospective girlfriend) for you self worth. You have to know that you are a great guy regardless of what they think. While the jerks are clowning to get attention, you are standing by watching because you don't have any thing to prove. Also be mysterious. Don't tell them everything the first time. You are strong, you don't need to brag because they already know why you are great. Don't commit to one girl. A strong man plays by his own rules. When he is ready to settle down (get engaged) he will let them know. Don't hesitate to ask girls out on dates. Hanging out is wish-washy. Dating shows the girl that you are willing to commit a whole evening to her. They like that.
Manliness, is an elusive and yet attractive quality. There is more than one way to achieve it. Some of the important ingredients are fitness, self sufficiency, poise, and of course confidence. Most people will recommend that you be involved in a sport. It doesn't matter whether it is golf or rugby, but outdoor sports are recommended because a nice tan is attractive. The sport should also help you maintain a healthy level of fitness. The trick at your age is to not look too boyish while at the same time not looking like a boy dressed in mans clothes. There is a ton of stuff you can read online at a site called the art of manliness. You won't agree with everything. Part of being confident is the ability to choose for yourself the look you present to the world and to feel comfortable in it.
Also look up Frank B Kermit on this site and read what he has written on maintaining power in a relationship. I believe he understands this better than any of us.
There it is in a nutshell. Don't be a jerk. Be strong by being confident. Be exciting by being mysterious. Be exciting by being manly. Be attractive by being unique. That is the better path.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 April 2012):
 Don't try and be a jerk. Be who you are. The jerks might get a girl now, but down the road, they can't hold on to them for long.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 April 2012):
 Grow up. That's what it takes. I mean it literally. Boys at 16 don't land girls simply because girls at 16 don't really have a clue about what they want. And I can near guarantee you that you probably have 2-3 girls your age looking at you wishing they could be with you. But they have no idea how to go about it, just like you don't have a clue on how to go about getting a girl.
But being a jerk wont help you. Experience, and growing older, is what it takes.
To get experience you need to start out by asking girls out. You will get rejected. But in time, you will learn what girls you have a better shot at, and sooner or later someone will say yes. Then you go out on a date, and maybe if you go along well you'll be together as a couple.
To simply get attention all you need to do is TALK to the girls and SMILE to them. That's all it takes to get attention.
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A
female
reader, heart245 +, writes (9 April 2012):
Okay do not try to become a jerk. Thats too over-rated. Not all girls like jerks usually the ones who do like nice guys are the nice ones. You have to examine what type of girl you are looking for. Then you can find out what is keeping you from getting a girl whether it be a sense of humor or that you arent athletic what ever it is that can be changed. Hang in there you will get a girlfriend you'll see. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, 2nd man +, writes (9 April 2012):
2nd man is verified as being by the original poster of the question sorry the question posted wrong. i dont want to be a jerk, just want to know how to attract girls.
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