| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 6 March 2012: Hi Nick,
I'm glad to hear that things are going well. A successful Long Distance Relationship is a good indicator of a long term stability for the relationship. You still have a long way to go, be Safe.
FA... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 15 August 2011: Case Closed? You are just weeks away from the challenging part. Write back after homecoming, or better yet after your finals.
Call me skeptical.
FA... (read in full...)
My partner is addicted to online gaming and he has no interest of putting any effort into our relationship.
Q. Hi, My partner who i live with, is addicted to online gaming. Not only that, but when he does deign to spend any time with me, it's generally him wanting to "get it on", he cannot seem to understand why his behaviour and attitude towards me and t...
A. 12 July 2011: Halo,
Thanks for the follow up. I understand better now some of the things you wrote originally. It seems your relationship is a bit of a running battle. I do see some manipulation on his part. Your behavior is also part of the problem ... (read in full...)
Does this mean that all the passion there was before is now gone?
Q. My husband and I have been married for just over a year, we have been together for over 3 years. I have noticed over the last 4 months that he doesn't kiss, touch, or look at me like he used to. I have asked him about it and he says that he just ...
A. 7 July 2011: LilCheer,
That's a lot to have gone through by 21. Perhaps I overstated the urgency of getting to the bottom of this. Perhaps I overestimated your ability to resolve this without counseling.
FA... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Hi again Nick,
As a parent who is sending two kids to University this year I have some personal non relationship advice for you. It sounds like you went to a small high school like I did. You got along great with your teachers and they enjoyed ... (read in full...)
Does this mean that all the passion there was before is now gone?
Q. My husband and I have been married for just over a year, we have been together for over 3 years. I have noticed over the last 4 months that he doesn't kiss, touch, or look at me like he used to. I have asked him about it and he says that he just ...
A. 7 July 2011: LilCheer,
Thanks for following up. The talking points I gave you are from a book called "the sex starved marriage". Especially the one about how can he expect you to feel loved when he ignores your expressed needs, and the one about how he s... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to get the gifts he bought his ex back so he can sell them, should I be worried about this?
Q. Ok I know this may sound strange, but my new boyfriend is still in touch with his ex- she is much much older than him and has no family etc so he feels sometimes obliged to keep in-touch and make sure she is ok ( they were together for 8 years) This ...
A. 7 July 2011: I do understand his emotional attachment to the shoes, but it is too much. It is not a good sign that he can not freely give. He also seems to want too much control. I would be worried about those personality traits. Your feelings of confusion ... (read in full...)
Does this mean that all the passion there was before is now gone?
Q. My husband and I have been married for just over a year, we have been together for over 3 years. I have noticed over the last 4 months that he doesn't kiss, touch, or look at me like he used to. I have asked him about it and he says that he just ...
A. 7 July 2011: LilCheer,
No, based on what you have said the passion is still there, he is still attracted and you are still loved. The problem is you don't feel loved.
I would guess that he is under a lot of stress right now. He seems to be worried about... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Nick, I'll admit that my first answer was pretty flip. With what you've written, I think you deserve a real answer. The trouble is my experience leads me to think along the same lines as her father. You are going to have to prove to him that... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Let's see, you're over 18, she's under 16, Dad likes to hunt. Based on that I'd wear something bullet proof.
FA... (read in full...)
Do people without a conscience who use others get away with it?
Q. What happens to people who do not have a conscience and go through life using other people and manipulating them? Do they end up ahead? I know somebody like this who keeps using people but is so sweet about it they get fooled. Goes from man to man. ...
A. 6 July 2011: Are you kidding, She's going to be a M.P. (congresswoman for Americans)
But seriously, When I see these questions I feel that you are asking because you have been affected by her misbehavior. You are hoping that someone will tell you that in ... (read in full...)
Would you date him?
Q. would you date a guy that over all is a very nice guy just a few issues, he has a nice body but he isn't the most attractive person in the face, he can not get an erection because he has diabetes, seems to adore me and has a great personality. i am ...
A. 6 July 2011: Where is the love,
With such encouragement from Red I guess We should go a little further. I have been diabetic for about 10 years now and I am in your age range. High blood sugar caused damage to the capillaries. Early and good control ... (read in full...)
Questions about dating, religion and kissing.....
Q. Ok here we go, first of all ive met this guy but the problem is im totally in love with him but i cant be with him even though i want to... this is because i am christian and in our religion we only date others in our religion? anyway i really ...
A. 6 July 2011: Hi Rose,
I hope you don't mind hearing from an old guy. Many religions teach against interfaith dating and especially inter faith marriage. After all dating leads to marriage. It is also good to have friends who share your beliefs. I'm sure... (read in full...)
Would you date him?
Q. would you date a guy that over all is a very nice guy just a few issues, he has a nice body but he isn't the most attractive person in the face, he can not get an erection because he has diabetes, seems to adore me and has a great personality. i am ...
A. 6 July 2011: Where is the love,
As a Diabetic man with Erectile Dysfunction, I would say get that man into a doctor. Apparently you have talked about sex. If he is closing off options without due consideration it is a very bad sign. If he is looking ... (read in full...)
Sex with a high class prostitute
Q. Is that less reprehensible? It is interesting to see how people judge prostitutes very harshly and yet someone who has lots of casual sex, one night stands and has a very high number is not considered trashy, just living their life. I guess wh...
A. 6 July 2011: Red,
I see a few direct questions in there.
"is that less reprehensible?"
"is that less wrong?"
So what are we comparing it to. Compared to average prostitutes. Or compared to people who casually (without emotional attachment)ha... (read in full...)
What am I trying to convince myself of?
Q. I need some advice really quick, because i am seeing this guy tomorrow and i think i made a drunken mistake last week! I want to sort out what to do, I don't know whether i should stop things before they go further! Basically he has liked me for...
A. 6 July 2011: That's a tough one. Ann Amy Mouse,
Part of me wants to say "in Vino Verities" go for it. (BTW Wine makes you stupid and less inhibited) The other part wants to say You're too shallow, don't go hurting him.
The reasons you like him are the... (read in full...)
Can I dedicate a song to my fiance that my ex once dedicated to me?
Q. I want to use a song that my X boyfriend dedicated to me for our fist song my fiancee doesn't know and honestly when my X dedicated that song to me I didn't feel anything and it only makes me thing about my true love now who is my fiancee.... Would ...
A. 29 June 2011: I wouldn't go there Songs are full of emotion.
FA... (read in full...)
Second-rate sex life, caused by my new found self esteem issues, or is it him? What to do?
Q. Hey Aunts, I'm currently with a guy who is almost perfect. Caring, respectful, extremely nice, cute... just one problem. We've been together almost two years and aren't very sexual. Some of it comes from me, because we were friends first and while ...
A. 29 June 2011: Get him to a gym. He needs to be working out regularly. He needs to Man Up. That will help your attraction to him. He simply isn't manly / aggressive enough for you. Working out will boost his testosterone levels. That will help a lot with the ... (read in full...)
Is Oral, sex ?
Q. Here it goes.. I was saving myself until I got married for the right man. I was making out with my boyfriend and I ended up giving him oral sex. Does that make me a non virgin anymore?...
A. 27 June 2011: Hi Laugh,
We sure get this question a lot. You will get all kinds of answers. Some will even question whether or not virginity is important or wise.
In the end, what matters is you own personal set of beliefs. If you don't have a set of st... (read in full...)
My partner is addicted to online gaming and he has no interest of putting any effort into our relationship.
Q. Hi, My partner who i live with, is addicted to online gaming. Not only that, but when he does deign to spend any time with me, it's generally him wanting to "get it on", he cannot seem to understand why his behaviour and attitude towards me and t...
A. 27 June 2011: Halo, Thanks for being so kind in replying to everyone. I agree With Chi that 2 hours is a pretty good goal. Remember that the first step of any 12 step addiction program is to admit that you have a problem. When he can do that things will move... (read in full...)
My partner is addicted to online gaming and he has no interest of putting any effort into our relationship.
Q. Hi, My partner who i live with, is addicted to online gaming. Not only that, but when he does deign to spend any time with me, it's generally him wanting to "get it on", he cannot seem to understand why his behaviour and attitude towards me and t...
A. 27 June 2011: hi Halo,
I just noticed that you are in the same age bracket as me. I guess that I just expect online gaming to be a young mans addiction. While it seems easy to just say you are being mistreated, move out. It may not be the answer you want. I... (read in full...)
He said he was going away for a few weeks, now it has been 4 months! Should I wait or move on?
Q. Help me! my boyfriend has been away on a so called business trip for four months now(South America).When he left,he said it will only be three weeks.We have a child together( eleven months old)he hasnt sent any help finacialy since he left,he phones ...
A. 24 June 2011: Swampfire,
Your post indicates that you don't believe 100% the things that this boyfriend is telling you. Lets look at the evidence.
A three week trip extends into 4 months with no word of when he will return. He makes regular phone ca... (read in full...)
I want to kiss this girl but can't seem to lead up to it. Any advice?
Q. What do you talk about to build some tension before kissing a girl you just started dating? I have gone out with this girl like 5 times, but I find myself thinking that the date was not so romantic as to build up a scene to kiss her. I'm not ve...
A. 24 June 2011: Sorry I don't recognize your flag, So I don't have a clue what is culturally accepted where you live. Here not kissing by the 5th date would have her wondering if something was wrong. Whatever the case is Where you live you are old enough to know ... (read in full...)
On our second date, I almost had an accident while driving her home. Did that scare her off or am I overreacting?
Q. I started talking to this girl online and after a couple of weeks she gave me her number and wanted me to add her on facebook. For a little while after that we texted just about everyday and started talking about making plans to hang out. We finally ...
A. 23 June 2011: Hey,
on reflection I sound pretty harsh in my original reply. I'd just like to add that I know they were accidents or done with the best intentions. I really hope you can take this in the best way and improve your approach.
FA... (read in full...)
On our second date, I almost had an accident while driving her home. Did that scare her off or am I overreacting?
Q. I started talking to this girl online and after a couple of weeks she gave me her number and wanted me to add her on facebook. For a little while after that we texted just about everyday and started talking about making plans to hang out. We finally ...
A. 22 June 2011: Sensativeguy,
Your name says it all. You made several mistakes and she is not taking you seriously. You may be able to win her back. You can certainly learn from the experience, and improve your chances next time.
While every girl will ... (read in full...)
He expects me to wait until he is back from the pub to cook his dinner!
Q. My boyfriend has recently started to go to the pub every Friday after work with his new work colleagues. I wait until he gets home from work all week before I start cooking dinner. He can get home after 6pm and he likes to chill out for a bit before ...
A. 22 June 2011: I think it has all been said. My mom didn't cook for me on my schedule. My wife doesn't cook for me on my schedule. My roommates cooked for whoever was home. feeding yourself on occasion is not an undue burden.
Having said that, is there mo... (read in full...)
Can anyone translate this dream?
Q. Ok, before I tell you my dream, just know that recently my friends and I dropped two friends who kept causing drama and were really dorky. Don't judge. Also I am going into high school. So i was talking to my best friend (lets call her A) and ...
A. 22 June 2011: I have more belief in dreams. I actually enjoy looking up symbols and trying to piece together a meaning that may be helpful to you. Psychoanalysts say that dreams are your subconscious trying to help you solve problems in your life. Generally if ... (read in full...)
Someone told me I coudn't grieve about my miscarriage!
Q. I had a miscarriage several months ago. It was an early miscarriage, I didn't know I was pregnant till it happened. I'm still young, only 18 nearly 19, and although I've been with my boyfriend a few years I would probably have had an abortion as ...
A. 21 June 2011: Never let someone else tell you what your feelings are. No, I don't agree with this other person. Not only are you grieving now, you will need to continue and go through all the steps. Many women who do decide to terminate a pregnancy grieve. ... (read in full...)
He won't go out with me because we'll be in different schools next year
Q. Okay here it goes... I'm in love with my best friend and I don't know what to do... So there's a rollerskating place near my home that all the kids and teens go to nowadays. One time I went about 2 months ago, my friend had brought her neighbor...
A. 21 June 2011: Well, this looks way to familiar. My son, (just out of 7th grade 13 years old), has attracted the attention of an older girl (just out of 8th grade starting High school next year).
I'm wondering if your guy is getting the same kind of advice I... (read in full...)
I regret breaking up with my ex....what should I do?
Q. So 2 days ago i had a really vivid dream that i loved .....about my ex, every time i woke up i would keep going back to sleep hoping it would never end and i was really sad when it did. In the dream I was like 22 or something and I was really ...
A. 20 June 2011: A note about dreams and a direct answer to what you should do.
Dear Rocker grl 96,
Dreams are more symbolic than prophetic. Most often when we dream about being with an ex it is comparing where we are now with where we were with them. Some... (read in full...)
Why does he always invite our friends everytime I ask him to hang out with me?
Q. I met a guy about 6 months ago, and from the very first conversation we had, our chemistry was great and we got along wonderfully. For a long time, we would see each other maybe once every couple of weeks (in group settings), but the connection was ...
A. 2 June 2011: Thanks so much, for following up.
I want to remind you that keeping what you have is sending a message, that what you have is acceptable. Since what you have is not acceptable to you, that is also dishonest.
About talking about "relations... (read in full...)
Why does he always invite our friends everytime I ask him to hang out with me?
Q. I met a guy about 6 months ago, and from the very first conversation we had, our chemistry was great and we got along wonderfully. For a long time, we would see each other maybe once every couple of weeks (in group settings), but the connection was ...
A. 1 June 2011: He is ducking commitment. You tested, He failed.
I don't personally understand why a young man would turn down an opportunity to go on a date with a girl whose company he enjoys. The concept is foreign to my "old Man" way of thinking. But, I ... (read in full...)
When you rim someone, can you taste anything?
Q. I was wondering, when you rim someone, does it taste of, err, anything? Or should it be fairly tasteless? Is it normal if it tasted of "anything" or would that mean someone has bad hygiene? Thanks x...
A. 17 May 2011: I was just about to post a rant about my determination to never answer an anonymous question.
Thank you, for following up! We really do appreciate knowing you bothered to check back.
FA... (read in full...)
When you rim someone, can you taste anything?
Q. I was wondering, when you rim someone, does it taste of, err, anything? Or should it be fairly tasteless? Is it normal if it tasted of "anything" or would that mean someone has bad hygiene? Thanks x...
A. 15 May 2011: As often as I have heard someone say, "this tastes like ****", I have never had the nerve to ask them how they knew what **** tastes like. I do often think that.
Different bodily fluids taste differently, If you are going to play in that are... (read in full...)
Do you think you can tell what a person is like by their photo?
Q. I am just curious: do you think you can tell what a person is like by looking at their photo? I do a lot of online dating and sometimes contact a girl by their profile photo...but I am thinking this might be a silly approach, since often you ...
A. 9 May 2011: What you can learn from a persons photo is how good their cosmetologist is, and how good their photographer is. Or how good they are a swiping photos.
While a picture may be worth a thousand words. Now days a picture can lie as easily as the w... (read in full...)
Is my plan to propose to her...a bit too cheesy? What do you all think?
Q. Hi all. I just wanted some input on this plan I have. My girlfriend and I have been together for two years (I was 17, she was 14 when we met seven years ago) and she's graduating from her community college to be an RN the day that I come back from...
A. 9 May 2011: That's not Cheesy. Even if it was, Gals love cheesy. She will even forgive you for hiding your early return once she figures out that you were planing such a wonderful surprise.
With the exception of proposals Most women like a little time to ... (read in full...)
We sleep over each other's houses. Is what I am doing wrong?
Q. I need advice from parents with older kids. I'm 19 years old, have a job, keep a 3.9 GPA in college. I also have a boyfriend. I'm a nice kid, I do what my parents ask most of the time and I don't do drugs, don't drink, I'm quite responsi...
A. 7 April 2011: O K, I'll answer as a parent of daughters your age. There are two factors involved in this. One, what is best for you. and Two, What effect it will have on the parents home and the other children.
Quite frankly I'd rather my girls are at home.... (read in full...)
Stepmom instigated Dad and older brother to beat up my BF.
Q. me + my bf(15) have been dating 4, 5 months (the only thing we do is kiss cus we decided 2 wait.) my step-mom hates me so last nite we were sitting their watching t.v. (my step mom was home the whole time) so she told my dad + big bro he was "on top ...
A. 7 April 2011: I am glad to see that you have secured your physical safety. I am also somewhat glad that authorities are involved. This kind of situation is never good.
I promised we could get back to forgiving. I am always in favor of forgiving. Forgivin... (read in full...)
Do temptations make you a cheater even if you don't give into them?
Q. Do temptations make you a cheater even if you don't give into them? I am very in love with my girlfriend and we have been together since the beginning of 2010. A few months prior when we were "dating" I put myself in a very bad situation. We all ...
A. 7 April 2011: Anonymous original poster,
The question of whether to confess or not comes up quite often here. Many people would agree with you, that confessing would hurt her and not be good for the relationship. I disagree, especially in your case, and, Tha... (read in full...)
Men, do you like to kiss the vulva during foreplay?
Q. Are there any men here that like to kiss the vulva during foreplay? If yes, you get a lot of pleasure out of it? When you do, do you give short quick pecks, or longer ones?...
A. 6 April 2011: yes, yes, both. It is better received if I get a close shave before.
FA... (read in full...)
Do temptations make you a cheater even if you don't give into them?
Q. Do temptations make you a cheater even if you don't give into them? I am very in love with my girlfriend and we have been together since the beginning of 2010. A few months prior when we were "dating" I put myself in a very bad situation. We all ...
A. 6 April 2011: What exactly is it that you are guilty of? Are you planing on doing it again? You came to your senses, you left the bad situation, you have determined not to do it again. If you have discussed this with the person who would be hurt by your ... (read in full...)
Stepmom instigated Dad and older brother to beat up my BF.
Q. me + my bf(15) have been dating 4, 5 months (the only thing we do is kiss cus we decided 2 wait.) my step-mom hates me so last nite we were sitting their watching t.v. (my step mom was home the whole time) so she told my dad + big bro he was "on top ...
A. 6 April 2011: Now what I am trying to figure out is how you Dad isn't in Jail. I mean If I deliberately beat up a minor, and sent him to the hospital, I would certainly expect a long interview with some very serious police men, social workers, and a judge. ... (read in full...)
I always get bored. It's happening again. Why and what should I do?
Q. I am 21 years old and i think of myself as a mature adult, i want to have that long term commitment with someone but my problem i have is that i become bored in a relationship very quickly. I am usually loud and very out going, and i enjoy the ...
A. 6 April 2011: I disagree,
Long term relationships don't "just happen".
You like the chase because you are hooked on the thrill.
If you want a long term relationship you better get committed in your mind. Make a careful choice, then stick to it with al... (read in full...)
Men what is the right number of times to call?
Q. Men how often would you like for a woman, or your partner, to call you in a day or a week where you would not get aggravated when you two don't live in the same house. Thanks...
A. 6 April 2011: I actually am getting to like this kind of poll Question. I'm a bit standoffish, so I would need less contact than average. For a Committed Partner not living together, I would say three to seven times a week, No more than once a day.
Now I... (read in full...)
First Date & A mysterious Call
Q. So today I went on a really good *first* date with this guy I met recently. While walking together,around 10 PM, someone called him ..he said sorry to me then responded with "I cant talk now" (i dont remember what else he said but it was short),he ...
A. 31 March 2011: So this guy has good manners. He puts off other business to focus on you. And What does he get in return? Clingy suspicion.
FA... (read in full...)
Embarrassing birthmarks.....
Q. does anyone happen to have a birthmark at certain part of their body where they wouldn't want it to be? i have a strawberry red birthmark on my upper chest, bit lower the neck, and people always mistook it as a hickey. because of the location, it's ...
A. 30 March 2011: Hi Jen,
Interestingly my Daughter has a similar mark. She never tried to hide it. Perhaps she is just naturally confident. I wonder if your attempts to hide are just drawing more attention to it. People get used to it pretty quick, then the... (read in full...)
Would this be called cheating the new Gf? If I just asked my ex to strip while we were on webcam.
Q. Is it cheating if? Let's say you have a girlfriend. And you know your ex still loves you and you still have feelings for her, but you don't want to be in a relationship with her, but you drunk call her telling her you love her, and miss her, et...
A. 22 March 2011: Yes it is cheating when you have a girlfriend and you still have feelings for your ex. Aside from that any sexual act is sex. FA... (read in full...)
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