| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 6 March 2012: Hi Nick,
I'm glad to hear that things are going well. A successful Long Distance Relationship is a good indicator of a long term stability for the relationship. You still have a long way to go, be Safe.
FA... (read in full...)
The possibilities of sex with a bigger person?
Q. So I never had a boyfriend who is quite larger than me , I'm 1261bs and 5'3 I have some fat on me but my boyfriend is 280ibs and 6'0 feet we have been dating for month and half to two months and i want to have sex with him but I'm nervous ! I never ...
A. 30 December 2011: Thanks for following up!
The big key is to be flexible (mentally) and just keep trying until it works for both of you.
FA... (read in full...)
The possibilities of sex with a bigger person?
Q. So I never had a boyfriend who is quite larger than me , I'm 1261bs and 5'3 I have some fat on me but my boyfriend is 280ibs and 6'0 feet we have been dating for month and half to two months and i want to have sex with him but I'm nervous ! I never ...
A. 28 December 2011: ***General Dear Cupid disclaimer***
Often times when responding to a question on Dear Cupid we have incomplete information. We are forced to either go with what we have and make the best guesses we can, or just skip the question. We apologiz... (read in full...)
He wants to stop chasing women. So he dropped me. What can I do to encourage him to not just walk away?
Q. Hi, I have been really foolish and now I'm stuck in a love relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I'm 31 and female and met this amazing guy last year in a bar with friends, he's 3 years younger then me, funny, intellig...
A. 28 December 2011: This is the hardest question this morning. That is probably why it hasn't been answered yet. Yes it is sad. Yes it is unfair. Yes there is little hope. What has happened, is that you have been categorized as a fun girl, and not as a keeper, a "... (read in full...)
I'm skinny and eat unhealthily. What should I do? And guys, do you naturally prefer more well-rounded girls?
Q. Hey, I saw a similar question earlier and it got me thinking. I'm gonna be really blunt, I'm veery skinny. I weight around 100 lbs, I'm 5'9" and I'm 14. I eat rather unhealthily, I get my twiggyness from my mother. Also, I have many MANY other frie...
A. 28 December 2011: Teenage Dream Girl, Generally we are very hesitant to encourage teenagers to get too obsessed about their weight or body shape. Especially when like you you are following the genetic pattern of your parent. Most often I do take the time to run ... (read in full...)
The possibilities of sex with a bigger person?
Q. So I never had a boyfriend who is quite larger than me , I'm 1261bs and 5'3 I have some fat on me but my boyfriend is 280ibs and 6'0 feet we have been dating for month and half to two months and i want to have sex with him but I'm nervous ! I never ...
A. 28 December 2011: how is it possible?
Believe it or not, overweight people, both men and women, do have sex. You boy friends BMI is about the same as my wife's so if he carries his fat out front it may be a bit difficult to see his equipment when he is standing... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 27 December 2011: I think that our original poster deserves an award for most followups by an anonymous poster. It has been a good topic, sadly it is over now and we will have to find something else to talk about. Thanks FA... (read in full...)
My girlfriend after 5 years says she doesn't know if she wants to be with me. Is it time to move on?
Q. After almost 5 years my girlfriend says she still doesnt know if she wants to be with me! Personally i dont think she does want to be with me but is too scared to say it, and ive thought this for past 3 years. She also says she needs me in her life, ...
A. 22 December 2011: From what you have said, She has already moved on. You may as well.
FA... (read in full...)
Losing my virginity.....what do I need for my first time? How do I make sure I last long enough?
Q. Okay so when I was 16 I promised myself myself if I was 21 and still a virgin that I would lose it to someone of that year. Well here it is 6 years later and its come to the unfortunate time that I was dreading and excited for. This girl who I ...
A. 22 December 2011: 7 days is a very long time for a thread on Dear Cupid. I enjoyed reading this one and all the answers on both sides. Those of you who have read me often Know that I am in the Monogamy camp. I have a strong belief that sex is best when it is part ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend needs a rather large loan. What to do? Help!
Q. My 24 year old boyfriend took out a loan to get some repairs done on his car, without realizing that he would have to change his insurance to be eligible for the loan. Now he's paying double what he would pay for car insurance AND an extra $50 per ...
A. 22 December 2011: Wander,
1.3% is excellent for savings. 10% is great for a title loan.
I am so happy to see you say that you are not a doormat. Stick to your guns on this.
Rain, I don't know where you got 10% to boyfriends but it sounds pretty good fo... (read in full...)
Boyfriend needs a rather large loan. What to do? Help!
Q. My 24 year old boyfriend took out a loan to get some repairs done on his car, without realizing that he would have to change his insurance to be eligible for the loan. Now he's paying double what he would pay for car insurance AND an extra $50 per ...
A. 22 December 2011: Never lend a friend more money than you can just give away. As a matter of fact, as soon as you write the check, consider the money gone. This is the relationship part of this advice. If you want to remain friends this is what to do. If you ... (read in full...)
Remember the Code (Respect Girl Code and Boy Code)
Q. I'm making this article to remind many people to be aware of "The Code." No, not the code to diffuse the bomb downstairs, but the code of friendship, of love - Boy Code and Girl Code. It seems like everyone forgets what it is. For those of you who ...
A. 21 December 2011: I remember first see applying more to guys. Two friends competing for the same girl can turn violent quickly. On the other hand I recall several guys who passed down girlfriends back when I was in High School. Ex-girlfriend of a close relative ... (read in full...)
Remember the Code (Respect Girl Code and Boy Code)
Q. I'm making this article to remind many people to be aware of "The Code." No, not the code to diffuse the bomb downstairs, but the code of friendship, of love - Boy Code and Girl Code. It seems like everyone forgets what it is. For those of you who ...
A. 20 December 2011: Whatever happened to "Respect the land, defend the defenseless and don't never spit in front of women and children". Actually I had to read your post just to see what the "code" was today.
I agree on your statement of the "code" at least as... (read in full...)
Is he hinting that he wants a sexual relationship in the future.
Q. this guy i started working with calls me the other night, and told me when i come into town he is more then happy to have me stay at his recording studio if i need a place to crash, but then he goes "but i feel your the type of girl that if i was to ...
A. 19 December 2011: I read it as friendly, tempered with respect.
FA... (read in full...)
B/f was cheating on me with his best friend's sister and I'm afraid it will keep happening!
Q. hi i just recently found out that the father of my kids was seeing somebody else last year i seen everything what they wrote to each other about them sneaking around and seeing this other woman mocking me askin my bf if my bf would take her to my ...
A. 19 December 2011: There is more to this than you are yet aware of. You are going to need more help and support than this forum will give you. You think that you can feel secure if he doesn't go out, but you have these inner thoughts. Those are very commonly the ... (read in full...)
Is inviting friends over to your house during a family get together rude? This is what my cousin did!
Q. We recently had a Christmas get together with family. My two cousins, the ones who lived at the house we celebrated at, made no effort to change their plans for that day. One invited her friend over, whom none of us knew, and disappeared up...
A. 19 December 2011: Sounds like something I would expect a teenager to do. I probably did it myself a time or two. At this age (and you didn't mention the ages of the offenders) Family is valued as a support for you activities with your friends. Friends are ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to be mad?
Q. My husband and I rarely go out. We visit alot with his family and we go out as a couple often. But we dont go out with other couples. He has has a job almost a year now, and we have gone out 2x with the owner of the company and with the own...
A. 19 December 2011: Hi, OP,
I'm a non-imbiber like you. So like you I have little tolerance for people who poison themselves into semi consciousness for fun. That wasn't your question, but I wanted you to know where I was coming from before I answered your question... (read in full...)
I have an eye infection and can't wear makeup. Should I not go out clubbing?
Q. Honest question, i'm going out tomorrow but I can't wear eye makeup with an infection I have at the moment. I've never been clubbing without makeup and I worry guys will think I look ugly without it, I don't know whether to go out and just have a ...
A. 15 December 2011: If your eye infection is viral conjunctivitis stay home. If your not contagious Think of it as an experiment. Have fun, it's only one night.
FA... (read in full...)
Monogamy: How do I get there with the guy I've been with for 2 months.
Q. I've been dating this guy for 2 months now and I want to know when is it appropriate to ask if he wants to be exclusive at some point. Or at 34 years old - is it just assumed at some point? We are now spending two days/nights a week together. It s...
A. 15 December 2011: Thanks for the continuing followups. It is good to see you two are opening up to each other. In his defense, guys don't always lie and tell you what they think you want to hear. It is quite likely that he will change his goals and needs in the ... (read in full...)
Different religions, ages, countries, and cultures...should we even try?
Q. Hi guys, So i'm in a bit of a pickle, I'm 31 and have fallen in love with a wonderful man...only we can't be together. I'm a 31 year old female from London whom lives in the city and I'm from a middle class Jewish family. I am educated wit...
A. 12 December 2011: I guess the real question is what attracts you to him. You obviously can't be thinking long term. So, what is it you want?
While this guy is most likely not the right man for you (based on your different life goals). He can help you define b... (read in full...)
My girlfriend claims she doesn't love me because I'm dishonest
Q. I feel helpless I absolutely love my girlfriend but she doesn't love me because she claims I am a compulsive liar and don't love her at all. And I feel like I am unloved she tells me she never loved me and she only told me she did for me not t...
A. 11 December 2011: Dishonesty is a serious relationship killer. All relationships are relationships of trust. The relationship is defined by how much you can trust and predict what the other person will do. If you agree that you are a compulsive liar then you ... (read in full...)
Is penetration deeper with woman on top or man on top?
Q. Does a guy go in deeper on top or on the bottom?...
A. 11 December 2011: Interesting Question. Person12345 is correct. Doggie (kneeling from the rear) is deepest. And there are more variations than simply top or bottom. I want to add that deeper is not always better. If he hits your cervix you are going to say ... (read in full...)
I adore my man! But, will his having kids and a rather controlling ex threaten the relationship in the long run?
Q. Hello! Hope you can give me some advice. I am in a real predicament. I have met a wonderful man. We have been together 5 months and we have such a wonderful relationship. He is kind, caring, respectful and the bond we have is truly amazing. I...
A. 9 December 2011: Your Dad is right, but he is ignoring an important fact when he dispenses his advice. You are 31, 99.9% of the available men that have enough maturity to interest you, will have this kind of baggage. Your eyes are open, you know what the future ... (read in full...)
Do you think that, finally, he does find me attractive?
Q. So, recently in my choir class I've been always seeing this one guy looking at me at times and when I do look at him he smiles at me. You know, I love that feeling of when a really cute guy looks at you and or smiles. I get that feeling everyday! ...
A. 9 December 2011: He wants you to be his friend. He is too young and dumb, to see how much you are attracted to him. Be a good friend, and don't pin all your hopes on him. Save some attention for the other guys around you. I would bet that there is someone else ... (read in full...)
Monogamy: How do I get there with the guy I've been with for 2 months.
Q. I've been dating this guy for 2 months now and I want to know when is it appropriate to ask if he wants to be exclusive at some point. Or at 34 years old - is it just assumed at some point? We are now spending two days/nights a week together. It s...
A. 9 December 2011: Wow, you two are really not communicating. He is giving you all the come in and stay messages, and you think he is keeping you at a distance. You are giving him messages that add up to "I couldn't be bothered with sex", and you want him to commit ... (read in full...)
He asked what turned me on, and is now avoiding sexual intercourse because of it!
Q. Got a really strange question for you. My boyfriend has asked me over time what turns me on. He knows some things but recently he asked again and I finally told him one thing. Now he seems to be avoiding sex with me. I told him that I dont wa...
A. 9 December 2011: Yes, this is a good example of how guys really are different from gals. In the minds of women there is a connection between Love and babies. In the minds of men there is a connection between love and sex. The only thing connected with babies in a ... (read in full...)
Love of my life tells me I don't love you anymore and left me for someone else
Q. Hi There, Need some advise as I'm not sure really how to handle this or what to do. I was engaged to get married and last week my partner told me out of the blue she doesn't love me anymore has not done for a long time and has feeling for so...
A. 6 December 2011: Look up the steps of grieving, You have suffered a great loss and you will need to properly go through all the steps. Therapy may be helpful as will being with friends and family. Someday in the not so distant future you will be able to look ... (read in full...)
My Dad hates body modification. Should I tell Dad or keep my new large tattoo a secret? My husband says to keep it to myself.
Q. hello, this is a bit of a trivial question but i'd like peoples opinions. Im a gothic girl and love tattoo's and piercings. My dad is a lot older then my mum, my dad is in his 70s and is very traditional, he hates beauty and body modifica...
A. 6 December 2011: One of the great things about being an adult is the ability to make your own decisions. You are perfectly within your rights to flaunt your parent's authority. You have no obligation to tell them whatsoever. Of course they have the right to ... (read in full...)
My mum is very controlling and makes my boyfriend feel like she approve of our relationship, how do we overcome this?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for over a year, the relationship occurred after a strong friendship and we are very much in love. We are both in our 20s, graduated, stable jobs, good career prospects and my boyfriend has recently moved out of his own ...
A. 28 November 2011: There is an old saying that is particularly destructive to young relationships. It goes like this, "A son is your son until he gits a wife, but a daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life." This has led many over controlling parents to ... (read in full...)
Is he going to come around and realize he can find a way better looking woman?
Q. This may be a little long,but hopefully people will still take the time to read it. A couple of months ago I had decided to start online dating. I was tired of being single,and being a single parent didn't allow me to go out and meet people in the ...
A. 28 November 2011: If that was what he was looking for, he would have found it already. Don't worry he is initiating, that means he is interested in you. Other than going to far too soon Everything looks good to me.
Believe me though men are visually wired, a... (read in full...)
Were these bad questions to ask?
Q. I started dating this woman. She has asked me these questions many many times. "Why do you love me?", "Why me?" Why do you find me attractive?" I easily answer them. Early in the am, I texted her cell phone with some questions of my own. I ...
A. 28 November 2011: Down,
oops!
Yes those are the wrong questions asked in the wrong way. They make you look insecure and week. That is going to turn her off. I realize that she i also insecure and probably, annoying with the constant similar questions. Havi... (read in full...)
No sex in 5 years, does it matter to guys?
Q. To the Men on Dearcupid, What would you think if you started a relationship with a woman who hadn't had sex in 5 years? Would it freak you out? Or does it simply not matter? Thanks I was just wondering!...
A. 10 November 2011: That is an interesting question. I'm a decade older than you and conservative so my viewpoint is similar to the women who answered. Of course you haven't been sexually active, you've not been in a committed relationship.
I also have enough l... (read in full...)
Technically speaking was it not cheating? since we had had a break up. Am I right in my assumption?
Q. My girlfriend dumped me and after three months she came back . We were together for 2 years before I picked up fight with her over small issue which resulted in a being dumped in the last week of July this year. During those three months, I was ...
A. 1 November 2011: And now for a contrasting point of view,
You started a fight with a girl you had been in a relationship with for 2 years. Why? What was your goal? Was there an intolerable situation in the relationship?
She broke up with a guy she had been... (read in full...)
I know guys aren't mind readers, but...
Q. Just how much and how often should I have to discuss issues with my boyfriend? I feel like all I do is point out things I'd like him to do or not do in this relationship. And he's been open and understanding in all our discussions. I've been...
A. 24 October 2011: We aren't dog's or computers either. You don't go into a relationship trying to change / train a person. You get together with them because you like the way they do things. You are frustrated because he isn't like you. Wouldn't the world be a ... (read in full...)
Why would my girlfriend say that her ex was "just too huge"?
Q. I've been going out with my GF for about a year, and we're discussing marriage. I've done quite well in my career, and some of the things my GF has said have given me the definite impression that this is quite important to her in a potential husb...
A. 24 October 2011: Hey Mr. financially successful, I think that everyone who has a particular winning attribute, Good looks, money, big breasts whatever, wonders if their partners see them one dimensionally. We all want to be accepted as a whole person, the way ... (read in full...)
Do all girls use emotional blackmail to get things done for them?
Q. My girlfriend emotionally blackmails me that If I don’t do this or that , she will dump me. It has been happening for the last 8 months and we have been together since April 2006. She also loves me and three days back, when I came back from office, ...
A. 24 October 2011: Just this and that not big things you say? I got to thinking after 5 years a girl bight resort to blackmail to get married.
I still think something is wrong.
FA... (read in full...)
Do all girls use emotional blackmail to get things done for them?
Q. My girlfriend emotionally blackmails me that If I don’t do this or that , she will dump me. It has been happening for the last 8 months and we have been together since April 2006. She also loves me and three days back, when I came back from office, ...
A. 24 October 2011: 5 year relationship and blackmailing starting in the 5th year. I would say something has changed. If the relationship was in the first year I would say call her bluff. At this point I would say therapy is indicated. I'm not sure how to interpret ... (read in full...)
Is it true that if I let her keep coming to me with her problems she will only see me as a friend?
Q. I really need people help with this one girl. Me and her met like last month and I started liking her a lot and I don't know how she feels about me, but she always seem to ask me to take her to places when she depress and stress and she always tell ...
A. 29 September 2011: For some reason young people in the United States think that relationships are like a video game. If you do A then she will do B. Real life is much more complicated than that, or, in other words, your results may vary. In general if the only ... (read in full...)
He never wants to get married because he is afraid a woman will take away his money.
Q. I've been married for 20 years. It was a loveless marriage and Im glad that I had the courage to end it. I've got my own house now and a part time job which I can manage to support myself. I've met this man 16 years older than me. I've been with ...
A. 29 September 2011: At over 66 years old he is quite unlikely to change. You, on the other hand, know how to change an unhappy relationship. You found the courage once before to end a hurtful relationship, you will again.
FA ... (read in full...)
Should cheating ever be forgiven?
Q. I moved in with my fiance, and after 14 months of being together our relationship came to an end after i found out he had been cheating on me for about 2 months every time he went to work outta town. It's now been 6 months and he is no longer with ...
A. 20 September 2011: I firmly believe in forgiving. That doesn't mean that I would always advocate reconciliation. In your case, eventually you should forgive him. This will actually help heal your pain. But, you should probably never be in a "relationship" with him ... (read in full...)
Conversation with my boyfriend is difficult
Q. So my boyfriend just left me for England last week. Since he got home, we have just talked to each other twice but both of our conversations were very boring! When i talk to my friends on phone or skype, we always have so many things to talk about ...
A. 22 August 2011: Candy,
I guess it would be easier to answer this with some more background information, but the story is pretty common, when a relationship transitions to long distance. I'm guessing that this is the first time you two have bee in a long distance... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 15 August 2011: Case Closed? You are just weeks away from the challenging part. Write back after homecoming, or better yet after your finals.
Call me skeptical.
FA... (read in full...)
What is the benefit of being married for a guy?
Q. My boyfriend has been through a divorce and so has many of his friends. He knows I like the idea of us getting married, but he wants a logical reason why a man should get married. For a woman, we will get financial security, we get a dream wedding ...
A. 11 August 2011: This question had me stumped but I ran across an interesting article today that might help you.
http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/30/the-case-for-marriage/
I sure hope it's o k to post links here.
Personally I'm quite happy to be marrie... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Hi again Nick,
As a parent who is sending two kids to University this year I have some personal non relationship advice for you. It sounds like you went to a small high school like I did. You got along great with your teachers and they enjoyed ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Nick, I'll admit that my first answer was pretty flip. With what you've written, I think you deserve a real answer. The trouble is my experience leads me to think along the same lines as her father. You are going to have to prove to him that... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Let's see, you're over 18, she's under 16, Dad likes to hunt. Based on that I'd wear something bullet proof.
FA... (read in full...)
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