| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 6 March 2012: Hi Nick,
I'm glad to hear that things are going well. A successful Long Distance Relationship is a good indicator of a long term stability for the relationship. You still have a long way to go, be Safe.
FA... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 15 August 2011: Case Closed? You are just weeks away from the challenging part. Write back after homecoming, or better yet after your finals.
Call me skeptical.
FA... (read in full...)
What is the benefit of being married for a guy?
Q. My boyfriend has been through a divorce and so has many of his friends. He knows I like the idea of us getting married, but he wants a logical reason why a man should get married. For a woman, we will get financial security, we get a dream wedding ...
A. 11 August 2011: This question had me stumped but I ran across an interesting article today that might help you.
http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/30/the-case-for-marriage/
I sure hope it's o k to post links here.
Personally I'm quite happy to be marrie... (read in full...)
Will my friend's parents find out she has gone to get birth control through her insurance?
Q. hi, i'm from illinois and a friend of mine is wanting to go to a health clinic to get birth control without her parents knowing, either planned parenthood or the health clinic. i looked up info for her and at planned parenthood it says you may need ...
A. 4 August 2011: Honestly as a parent, I might never see it. The insurance sends papers about everything. There are so many I hardly look at them unless something is wrong.
Your parents may vary.
In some states parent/ guardian notification is the law. you... (read in full...)
What is wrong with the male species?
Q. I would prefer if Men answered this but any answers I get i will be grateful I,m sick and tired of men using me. I only ever kissed 3 men before and when we text they just seem less interested and then they just stop texting me. Now i can admit ...
A. 31 July 2011: Thanks for writing back. Ive got to say that after a night of chatting, his turning cold doesn't make sense. Way back when I used to blind date a lot. I thought set ups were a great way to meet new people. Unfortunately many turned out the way ... (read in full...)
Is this normal behavior?
Q. Is it normal behavior for your boyfriend to leave as soon as you are confrontational/negative because he doesn't want to waste a "second of his life arguing"? By leaving, I mean literally walking out the house and not returning 10-12 hours late...
A. 31 July 2011: We have 2 whole sentences here to work from. Let me explain some of my assumptions, without which this question could not be answered. I assumed that "boyfriend" referred to a short term relation measured in months not years with no children ... (read in full...)
What is wrong with the male species?
Q. I would prefer if Men answered this but any answers I get i will be grateful I,m sick and tired of men using me. I only ever kissed 3 men before and when we text they just seem less interested and then they just stop texting me. Now i can admit ...
A. 31 July 2011: OP, did you write the title to this? Because if you did, the answer is obvious.
FA
... (read in full...)
Is this normal behavior?
Q. Is it normal behavior for your boyfriend to leave as soon as you are confrontational/negative because he doesn't want to waste a "second of his life arguing"? By leaving, I mean literally walking out the house and not returning 10-12 hours late...
A. 31 July 2011: Actually he is just doing a 180. He is communicating to you that he will not accept your behavior. He is saying that he can and will move on to a better relationship. He is manning up. Believe it or not this tactic works better to resolving the ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's tattoo of his ex wife's name on his neck - is it unreasonable of me to want it removed or covered?
Q. I'm 29 and he is 37. We have been together for just over 3 months but i'm already in love like never before. He was with his ex for about 12 years and a few years ago got her name tattooed on his neck in large letters. He has said he thought they ...
A. 28 July 2011: 1) this is the reason I don't have ink, or recommend it.
2) 3 months vs. 12 years, pretty easy to figure this one out.
3) If it is her problem and not his, then she should just change her name?
4)The problem here is not the tattoo it is his... (read in full...)
Would you be embarrassed if your husband did this?
Q. Would you be embarrassed if your husband did this? I was invited to a cosmetic party along with another friend. All participated have their husbands and kids there because we all knew each other. My husband also went along. Important info:...
A. 28 July 2011: I think an apology from him is a great idea. I don't think punishing your spouse is a good idea , ever. I don't see any reason why you can't book a party at your house. He and the kids don't need to be there. They will be happier away.
FA... (read in full...)
Would you be embarrassed if your husband did this?
Q. Would you be embarrassed if your husband did this? I was invited to a cosmetic party along with another friend. All participated have their husbands and kids there because we all knew each other. My husband also went along. Important info:...
A. 28 July 2011: He was bored and annoyed at being stuck at the kids table. Unfortunately he made a mistake that many men make, he failed to see your offer as the social network that it was. Instead he focused on his discomfort, and exaggerated his reasons to ... (read in full...)
I don't want my parents to know I lied to them about my boyfriend.
Q. Okay, so I broke up with my ex a few months ago. We'd been on and off since fourth grade, and i still like him Some people told me he was spreading rumors about me, but he said otherwise. I was upset, and didnt want to break up with him just because ...
A. 28 July 2011: Oops, I thought I replied last night.
I wonder what happened.
Anyway the best way to approach this with your parents would be to admit that you made a mistake. You could just say that you found out later that that wasn't what he said. Y... (read in full...)
I don't want my parents to know I lied to them about my boyfriend.
Q. Okay, so I broke up with my ex a few months ago. We'd been on and off since fourth grade, and i still like him Some people told me he was spreading rumors about me, but he said otherwise. I was upset, and didnt want to break up with him just because ...
A. 27 July 2011: Hey Butter Fly, You are pretty young to be suffering so much Drama. There are a few lessons to be learned here. First, trust your parents. No one loves and cares for you more than them. You should have talked to them before you broke up. N... (read in full...)
How many months should pass after a serious relationship ended before a new relationship is not consider a rebound?
Q. So almost everybody tends to have a rebound relationship after a serious relationship ends...my question is, how many months should pass after a serious relationship(Like 1-2 yrs relationship)ended before a new relationship is not consider a ...
A. 27 July 2011: When you ask a question anonymously and add that you are "just curious". People don't tend to take it seriously. I'll answer the question seriously anyway.
There is an old tradition that you should wait a year. The real answer is much more com... (read in full...)
Is it ok for 17 y/o to date a 15 /yo??
Q. Is it ok for a 17 year old (like me ) to date a guy whos almost 15?......
A. 27 July 2011: Anon,
Why would you want to?
At your respective ages girls are more mature than boys so the age gap is greater than it looks. You may be over the age of consent in your country and he is under so some legal questions could come into play i... (read in full...)
I think I'm more into her than she is to me and its bothering me
Q. Good Afternoon, Couple of months ago i had posted a question on this forum and i got some great advice from folks here on site. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-girls-like-their-space-will-she-feel.html I have a followup question on t...
A. 27 July 2011: Well, you asked for it,
With a 15 year age difference and an unresolved divorce she is going to be cautious. Other than that she speaks a different love language than you. She doesn't need the instant contact that you need. She prefers to give ... (read in full...)
If your fella cheated and left but still said he cared and looked out for you, what would you think?
Q. If your fella cheated on you and then got into a relationship with her, but months later is telling you that he is looking out for you and still cares about you what would you make of it? I do not want him back at all as I believe I deserve better ...
A. 26 July 2011: I retract my prior answer. A person who forms strong attachments doesn't cheat.
FA... (read in full...)
If your fella cheated and left but still said he cared and looked out for you, what would you think?
Q. If your fella cheated on you and then got into a relationship with her, but months later is telling you that he is looking out for you and still cares about you what would you make of it? I do not want him back at all as I believe I deserve better ...
A. 26 July 2011: For the dissenting vote: My Daughter is like that. She forms very strong bonds. I say your ex is a protective kind of guy who forms strong bonds. BTW yes, it would bother her to think he is talking to you. More so that he used the word Care. ... (read in full...)
It's my boyfriend's birthday in a month. Any hints on what to get him?
Q. I'm a 16 year old girl and have been dating my boyfriend for a couple of weeks now - its his birthday in a month and I have no idea what to get him. Any hints would be great!...
A. 26 July 2011: 16 years old, a couple of weeks dating. I'd say cookies is the perfect gift at this point. You know the good kind you made yourself. FA... (read in full...)
My fiance's butt stinks....how do I tell him?
Q. I have been dating my fiance for four years now. And theres this small little issue that KILLS me, and grosses me out and i dont know how to tell him without it hurting his feelings. I'm really embarassed to talk about this, but...something needs to ...
A. 26 July 2011: Change the toilet paper in the house for the moist towelettes. Buy antibacterial body wash for him and his own scrubber. BTW I agree With anonymous female that paper is not enough. I wish our culture would catch up. You would never wash your ... (read in full...)
I have a great sex drive and my husband has almost none. How can this work?
Q. I was wondering if anyone can relate to being sexually frustrated. I have a great sex drive always have and my husband has next to no sex drive. He says he's very attracted to me and thinks I'm sexy but we hardly have sex. When we do its great but ...
A. 26 July 2011: Been there, done that.
DD, Betty, and anonymous Male,
I'm going to give you all I've got on this because It's important, and there is a lot of misinformation out there on it. The problem is mismatched sex drives. One of the insidious lies o... (read in full...)
Telling my lover he can't come to my home..will make him angry! How do I deal with this?
Q. I know I will be judged for what I am about to write, but I am just looking for open minded opinions. I am a 37 year old female, have been seeing a 39 year old married man. I was in a relationship myself (not married, but dated and lived together...
A. 26 July 2011: Run... (read in full...)
Is sexy an attitude or a physique? Can fat women be found desirable and sexy?
Q. I have a question for the guys: Can a fat girl be sexy and desirable? Being overweight, I have always seemed to have a hard time finding a partner that was attracted to me in a healthy way. What I mean is that it seems guys tend to fall in the e...
A. 26 July 2011: Yes Absolutely. When someone identifies a person by their shape or color or shoe size or whatever, then they miss meeting the person and see them as only an object. Personality wins over shape every time.
I'm glad you don't think I'm unhealth... (read in full...)
Is sexy an attitude or a physique? Can fat women be found desirable and sexy?
Q. I have a question for the guys: Can a fat girl be sexy and desirable? Being overweight, I have always seemed to have a hard time finding a partner that was attracted to me in a healthy way. What I mean is that it seems guys tend to fall in the e...
A. 25 July 2011: I think you need the opinions of men here. My theory is that you learn to be attracted to what you love. My wife is in the 18-22w range. I have trouble getting interested in anything under a 14. When I was very young I liked willowy girls. I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend blew me off to play video games. Am I being immature by being mad?
Q. My boyfriend and I of nearly two months went out the other night to the movies to see the new Hangover movie. After the show, I asked what he wanted to do next and if he might just want to go to my house to hang out for a couple of hours. He said we ...
A. 15 July 2011: I'm having trouble deciding how to approach this one. I keep coming back to "of course he checked out of the date, it wasn't much of a date".
There are a lot of things we could talk about. Gaming addiction, Honesty, Clingyness, but if you had ... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever developed a crush on a sales/service worker when they use endearing words?
Q. I'll admit it, I am asking this question because misery loves company. A few days ago a cute guy that works at a coffee shop I go to said "Hey beautiful" when I got to the counter. I have been spending far too much of my energy ever since reminding ...
A. 15 July 2011: Hey Beautiful,
I bet you just don't hear that often enough. Wouldn't it be great if people could complement each other with out it being flirting, or working for a tip. If it's good to be courteous and friendly for business, wouldn't it be just ... (read in full...)
Ex Call Out of the Blue.
Q. Me and my ex have been broken up for near 6 months now. We were together nearly a year. Two/three weeks after the break up she gets herself another bf, who she is still with. The only time we've really spoken was a drunken argument about 2...
A. 14 July 2011: Maybe she was bored, maybe she is trying to stay friendly, but, maybe she is upset at the new guy and is checking her options, maybe she is stringing you along and keeping you as a back up, or maybe she is trying to reconnect for some fun on the ... (read in full...)
Relationship going nowhere, need advice on how to break up with this girl
Q. After seeing this girl for about a couple months now, I have decided that things simply aren't going to work. Despite dropping hints, she still has no direction, drive or make any real effort to land a real job. Given that we are at the same age, ...
A. 14 July 2011: On top of everything that has been so well said, I'd like to add a bit. Perhaps I'm just old fashioned or something. At "a couple of months" the proper way to break up is to stop calling. You are still in the getting to know each other trial ... (read in full...)
Rejected by her once before, but should I try again or will I make a fool of myself ?
Q. Hi all i was wondering what is everyone's views on a guy proposing twice. should he do it? to be more exact there is this girl whom i dated for a month and we got really close. as a matter of fact you would have sworn she was more into me than i w...
A. 13 July 2011: That was an interesting story, thanks!
Let me give you the old man's take on your tale of woe. You asked too soon. A w1se man would wait until he was sure of the answer before he asks. The second part of that is that he would be doing nice thi... (read in full...)
My partner is addicted to online gaming and he has no interest of putting any effort into our relationship.
Q. Hi, My partner who i live with, is addicted to online gaming. Not only that, but when he does deign to spend any time with me, it's generally him wanting to "get it on", he cannot seem to understand why his behaviour and attitude towards me and t...
A. 12 July 2011: Halo,
Thanks for the follow up. I understand better now some of the things you wrote originally. It seems your relationship is a bit of a running battle. I do see some manipulation on his part. Your behavior is also part of the problem ... (read in full...)
I think this is the best I can get out of life....what do you think??
Q. I feel like i failed in my life because i never had a girlfriend. I never had one. I had a bad childhood, never had any friends at school. Only have a couple of friends now. I'm 21 now, I had spend my night watching porn, playing videogam...
A. 11 July 2011: Doesn't have much of a future. You are restricting many of the things you like. Sure your income will increase and you will be able to afford better food and TV. on the other hand sinking that 270 a week into a house could get you a much better ... (read in full...)
Scared my boyfriend's parents won't me because of my parents divorce!
Q. My bf of 3 years had decided to tell his parents about me and he plans to introduce me to his family. He has already told them about me and my family situation. My parents are divorced for about 3 years now and that is a problem for his parents. ...
A. 11 July 2011: I agree 100% with what caring guy has said. I want to add something from my own experience.
My daughter dated exclusively with a guy for at least two years. I had a lot of worries about him as husband material because of his parents. There ar... (read in full...)
Beautiful woman extremely friendly to me at first meeting. Red flag?
Q. Right, so my mate and i were at a pub couple of nights go, and im sitting at a table, and i notice a drop dead gorgeous woman sitting with a friend. Friend goes up to go the ladies room, so gorgeous lady is sitting alone. I whisper to my mate to ...
A. 9 July 2011: Sorry to offend the women out there, It is experience that gives us these unfair stereotypes. Not the once bitten twice shy experience, mot like the shovel to the face every time you think that way until you stop having that kind of idea. ... (read in full...)
Opinions on beards please!!
Q. Hiyaaaaa, Well this isn't really a problem more off a personal opinion and preference! I don't do art as a subject anymore but I recently bumped into my art teacher and saw him with a beard!!!!! So guys why would you guys grow a beard or ...
A. 8 July 2011: I was quite surprised at the results of a similar poll among married women. Many found the beard manly and attractive. But, you didn't ask me how women feel about beards. You asked the men how it feels to wear a beard.
I could say that there is... (read in full...)
Beautiful woman extremely friendly to me at first meeting. Red flag?
Q. Right, so my mate and i were at a pub couple of nights go, and im sitting at a table, and i notice a drop dead gorgeous woman sitting with a friend. Friend goes up to go the ladies room, so gorgeous lady is sitting alone. I whisper to my mate to ...
A. 8 July 2011: Reminds of that scene in the second X men Movie.
I hate to say it but women of that class are still a mystery to me. I don't know what to advise you to do. but it does remind me of a good joke about a genie.
FA... (read in full...)
Is it because I'm a virgin?
Q. Hey, so im 16 and im dating my brothers friend who is 23. We are very close and have no secrets. He wants to marry me and have me live with him once I turn 18. He has this issue down south and he gets an extremely unbearable pain if he doesnt have ...
A. 8 July 2011: Hey OP,
You are bringing out my protective side. I guess you are bringing out everyone's. I was just looking to see what kind of family support you have. You only mentioned your brother. Is he as old as your Friend? Have you talked to him a... (read in full...)
Does this mean that all the passion there was before is now gone?
Q. My husband and I have been married for just over a year, we have been together for over 3 years. I have noticed over the last 4 months that he doesn't kiss, touch, or look at me like he used to. I have asked him about it and he says that he just ...
A. 7 July 2011: LilCheer,
That's a lot to have gone through by 21. Perhaps I overstated the urgency of getting to the bottom of this. Perhaps I overestimated your ability to resolve this without counseling.
FA... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Hi again Nick,
As a parent who is sending two kids to University this year I have some personal non relationship advice for you. It sounds like you went to a small high school like I did. You got along great with your teachers and they enjoyed ... (read in full...)
How to make new friends and navigate the racial issue in my new school?
Q. How do I meet new friends in my new school? Next year I am going to be in a new sixth form in the UK and it i completely different compared with my old school even though it is only 10 mins walk away. I will be a boarder in there which means I ...
A. 7 July 2011: Pure Mage,
You are in a tough spot, right between both groups. You have enough experience to be in either. How you handle this is very much a test of your leadership potential. The others are immaturely demanding that you choose sides, when you... (read in full...)
Does this mean that all the passion there was before is now gone?
Q. My husband and I have been married for just over a year, we have been together for over 3 years. I have noticed over the last 4 months that he doesn't kiss, touch, or look at me like he used to. I have asked him about it and he says that he just ...
A. 7 July 2011: LilCheer,
Thanks for following up. The talking points I gave you are from a book called "the sex starved marriage". Especially the one about how can he expect you to feel loved when he ignores your expressed needs, and the one about how he s... (read in full...)
The difference between a crush and a boyfriend?
Q. What's the difference between crush and boyfriend ??...
A. 7 July 2011: Blue,
That is an interesting question from a person your age.
I'm guessing you want to understand a slang term that is new to you. It would probably be better to get answers from many age groups. I'm in your age group.
When I talk about a C... (read in full...)
B/f going away for 13 weeks. How can we keep our bond strong?
Q. My guy will be gone for thirteen weeks on a job trip. It's a big opportunity and I'm proud of him :) I know I'll miss him though and I have my fears. I fear he'll fall for someone there and maybe forget me. I don't know what to think, we've been ...
A. 7 July 2011: If it makes you feel better, We were 2 years apart. That was back before email and internet chatting. We got by on one letter a week for over 100 weeks. We were both in your age range at the time.
So yes it can be done. Yes send a care pac... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to get the gifts he bought his ex back so he can sell them, should I be worried about this?
Q. Ok I know this may sound strange, but my new boyfriend is still in touch with his ex- she is much much older than him and has no family etc so he feels sometimes obliged to keep in-touch and make sure she is ok ( they were together for 8 years) This ...
A. 7 July 2011: I do understand his emotional attachment to the shoes, but it is too much. It is not a good sign that he can not freely give. He also seems to want too much control. I would be worried about those personality traits. Your feelings of confusion ... (read in full...)
Does this mean that all the passion there was before is now gone?
Q. My husband and I have been married for just over a year, we have been together for over 3 years. I have noticed over the last 4 months that he doesn't kiss, touch, or look at me like he used to. I have asked him about it and he says that he just ...
A. 7 July 2011: LilCheer,
No, based on what you have said the passion is still there, he is still attracted and you are still loved. The problem is you don't feel loved.
I would guess that he is under a lot of stress right now. He seems to be worried about... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Nick, I'll admit that my first answer was pretty flip. With what you've written, I think you deserve a real answer. The trouble is my experience leads me to think along the same lines as her father. You are going to have to prove to him that... (read in full...)
What's the best way to ask her dad's permission to date her?
Q. Quick question... Going to ask my hopefully soon to be girlfriends parents for permission to date her. Her mom likes me a lot, and so even though she's not *technically* allowed to date until shes 16 in a few months, considering the circumst...
A. 7 July 2011: Let's see, you're over 18, she's under 16, Dad likes to hunt. Based on that I'd wear something bullet proof.
FA... (read in full...)
My partner is addicted to online gaming and he has no interest of putting any effort into our relationship.
Q. Hi, My partner who i live with, is addicted to online gaming. Not only that, but when he does deign to spend any time with me, it's generally him wanting to "get it on", he cannot seem to understand why his behaviour and attitude towards me and t...
A. 27 June 2011: Halo, Thanks for being so kind in replying to everyone. I agree With Chi that 2 hours is a pretty good goal. Remember that the first step of any 12 step addiction program is to admit that you have a problem. When he can do that things will move... (read in full...)
My partner is addicted to online gaming and he has no interest of putting any effort into our relationship.
Q. Hi, My partner who i live with, is addicted to online gaming. Not only that, but when he does deign to spend any time with me, it's generally him wanting to "get it on", he cannot seem to understand why his behaviour and attitude towards me and t...
A. 27 June 2011: hi Halo,
I just noticed that you are in the same age bracket as me. I guess that I just expect online gaming to be a young mans addiction. While it seems easy to just say you are being mistreated, move out. It may not be the answer you want. I... (read in full...)
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