A
female
age
30-35,
Shadow Rose
writes:Since my satirical article on how to get a boyfriend (With the real advice on the bottom) seemed to be well liked, I thought I'd write one for the opposite gender!Like the last one, please don't read the first half and then leave. The first half is the funny part.)So you want a girlfriend, huh?Well, here's a simple guide to getting one!1. First, you need lots of hair gel. This is very important, because you have to look cool in order to get a girl.2. Secondly, you need pants a few sizes too big, so they sag. Girls love to see your underwear.3. Next, you need to adopt an attitude. Girls love guys who treat them like dirt, and if you act like you don't care, they'll love you. Affection is overrated! So is love!4. Get into fights with lots of other guys to prove your dominance. Win.5. Once you get the girl, mark your territory by making it clear that she is your property, and nobody elses. Make sure she doesn't hang out with ANYONE. You never know, she could be dating her male best friend. Or even her female ones! EVERYONE is competition~And that's how you get a girlfriend!No....Wait... That's how you become a douchebag.(Please don't do this)Now, how to REALLY get a girlfriend!Like I said in my "how to get a boyfriend" article, you need to find girls in places that you'd actually be. Make friends. I know there's that whole "friend zone" thing, but honestly, that's a lie. You have to get to know the girl first before you try to make the moves. And you have to let her get to know you. Be nice to her, compliment her when she looks pretty. She'll appreciate it.Just don't go overboard and lather affection on her day and night, or do anything too cheesy.Too much cheese too soon is usually a turn-off, so save the cheese for after you're dating.After you two get to know each other, and if she seems interested, then ask her out! If she says no, listen to WHY she said no. Maybe she's just not ready for a relationship. If that's the case, then don't give up! Stay friends with her, and try again when she seems more ready for a relationship. If she's just not that into you, then you don't have much else you can do about that, and you should leave her be. It'll hurt if she says no, but it will heal, and there still is hope for you to get a girlfriend, just not with that girl.If she says yes, then you need to treat her with love and affection, make her feel wanted, and after a while, you can start to do cheesy things, romantic things, and she'll definitely appreciate them!
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Myau,
To quote the song, "if she knew what she wanted he'd be giving it to her."
Many women have a lot of romantic ideas about what they want. Unfortunately they they tend to pick exciting over dependable. Often picking guys in opposition to their stated preferences or dreams. Kind of like knowing the salad is good for you but eating the cheese burger anyway. Or for a more direct comparison. Guys who date whiny high maintenance women, When they really would be happier with the girl next door.
About the friend zone, and the truth or validity of it. Mr. Dependable ends up in the friend zone. He is not considered "boyfriend material" by the girl who uses boys as a status symbol or as a fashion accessory. That is not so bad as Mr. Dependable has no interest in those roles. Mr. exciting is ok with those roles because he is only in it for a quick thrill or points. He can get those and still be an accessory. Where Mr. Dependable falls down is that he doesn't understand the woman's need for excitement and mystery. Even the girl next door needs that. So in order to be boyfriend material he needs to provide some thrill. The friend zone (pre-relationship)is not a life sentence. Most guys would be very surprised to know the depth of feelings the average girl has for her friends.
Now to the very ugly side of the friend zone. While it is true that good friends can make good boyfriends. Ex boyfriends / girlfriends make awful friends. Often for emotional reasons or worse due to insecurities people try to keep attached to their exes. This unhealthy situation keep both partners from fully forming new relationships. Still living with one foot on each side of the fence, never fully committed to either.
Anyhow, I guess I was just in the mood to chatter on. Thats all the things I have been thinking about on this topic and Thanks to Myau for bringing up the points.
FA
A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (14 May 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the question Douchebags do tend to have a girl or two, but they tend to be easy or self-conscious and don't think they can get better, which is terribly sad :(
Every woman can do better than a douchebag, don't you forget that ladies! *looks into the camera and smiles*
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (6 May 2012):
 you have a great sense of humor - always a winner in any relationship.
And so does Tennis star for spotting #5 - very funny.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (25 April 2012):
 That wont work, it will put you in "the friend zone'
Ive never heard one bit of decient advice from a woman on how to date women? why is that?
The way to get woman is simply to accept the fact that "women choose men" not the other way around. See who likes you and date them, forget the ones who dont.
Easier said than done though.
Most guys undersell themselves really. Ive been amazed at women who were 10's falling all over themselves to date me while 1's turning up their noses. (the rating is just my personal opinion really)
Sadly I have to point out that the joke side you described never seem to be without a girl or two on their arms.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 April 2012):
No, actually the same is true for men. We all seem to have a huge blind spot when we try to see ourselves from the other side.
FA
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (18 April 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, Fatherly advice. Not sure what you mean by that, not getting advice on women from a woman...
I'd think women know their gender more, and the same would be true about men.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 April 2012):
Hi Shadowrose,
Good to see you around. I followed your link to this. I like your take on how to get a girlfriend, but I still believe Clark Devlin's advice to never get advice about women from women.
FA
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (7 April 2012):
Shadow Rose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionxD Oh goodness! I didn't think of it like that!
But since it is part of the humorous side, yes, by all means, go to the restroom on her leg!
O.O My dog did that once as a puppy....
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (7 April 2012):
 5. Erm, wee on their leg??? LMAO!
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