A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know that my husband talks to a female co-worker. But he always waits till I go to bed to talk with her. She works mightnight shift. I don't think this is normal. Should I be worried?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (14 September 2012):
I also agree with Honeypie and Stacy. This sounds very suspicious, but if you confront him without knowing what he said to her, it will be easy for him to come up with an excuse and turn it against you. Plus he'll be more careful next time.
So yeah, I'd either record it (phones often have an app like this, or you can download the sleeptalking app that records anything starting up from a few decibels). You can even buy pens with recorders in them if you want to make sure he doesn't find out. I use them during lectures at school to make sure I get all the info without being conspicuous.
I also don't know how your home is laid out, but when I was a kid sleeping upstairs I could listen in to my parents' "grown up talk" by putting my ear against the floor. I know this sounds elementary, but I really suggest you have some sort of evidence before you confront him so he doesn't have the convenience of playing innocent and putting the blame on you.
If what he says is nothing out of the ordinary, I'd still talk to him about it because it's weird behavior.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (14 September 2012):
 I agree with Honeypie. If I were in this situation I would set up a recorder of some type. This would probably be the only time I do not discuss it with him because I wouldn't want him to start acting on his toes. He shouldn't know you are suspiscious, he will hide it better. Maybe that doesn't sound right to some people but it's what I would do. Of course I wouldn't have been okay with him suddenly starting to talk to a female coworker on the phone at home in the first place... None of that sounds right or normal and I'm sure there's nothing innocent about it. Call me paranoid, I call it being aware and not naive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): Communicate your feelings because it will only cause problems later on if you don't. I would let him know this and see what his response is. You can then draw conclusions from there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): Well, me being the jealous, not trusting, highly suspicious person that I am I would say that your husband and his co-worker are up to no good and I would do everything in my power to find out what they are saying to each other but covertly and without arousing any suspicions from your husband on his end.
Honeypie's suggestion of a voice activated recorder is a great idea. There are all kinds of hidden recording machines you can buy and hid in your home to find out what he talking to her about.
If you can, I'd get your hands on the phone bill too and see just how many times they are really talking to each other.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Co-workers are dangerous territory, but we don't have the whole story here. Why are they on different shifts if they are co-workers? Are they both management? Do they need to coordinate information? In other words are they talking personal or business?
My wife had a male supervisor at her previous job. They had to talk at all kinds of weird hours. She never hid a conversation from me, so she handled it well. So the question is; is he calling when she gets to work so she can do work at her work time, instead of waking her up and trying to talk work while she is at home? If so it is courtesy on his part.
On the other hand if he is calling her on personal business, then it is inappropriate for them to be talking when their partners are asleep.
In summary, I have my own code about things like this. If I need to do business with a woman, or minor, I don't do it alone. I take someone with me. Phone business I do in a public place. Personally I think if there is business to be discussed at o'crazy AM then an e-mail would be nicer for everyone.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): If you cannot do something with your partner standing right next to you, then chances are you should not be doing it in the first place.
No. Waiting until you go to bed to talk to this person? Something is not right at all. However, I would talk to him and ask him why he is doing this and that it's making you feel very uncomfortable and questioning your trust for him. He can turn it around and realize it's inappropriate, apologize and make such phone calls out in the open or deny the whole thing and get defensive...then you know there really is a problem.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 September 2012):
 I'd be worried.
what is his reason for waiting till you go to bed?
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A
female
reader, cgrlygo +, writes (14 September 2012):
 yes.... the fact that hes putting that kind of effort into "a coworker" says alot! i can understand oh this is so and so from the past etc.... but not all the time. and shes a coworker !!! WTH there are clear signs of interest here... .and if you don't act... things will increase with their relationship with time.
RULES--- your not staying up to talk to some chic!!! thats just me tho.... i wouldn't go sneeking about with it... i would call it like it is. Id put a stop to it quick... before long hes going to be seeing her... and food for thought... if she works night and he day... how is it they know each other again??? i do not go around finding cuties on the opposite shift that is alot of effort.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): You can take this situation 2 different ways. I've always been more of an optimist, so I'm going to give you a more positive way to look at this. It could just be he only waits for you to go to bed so he doesn't feel like he's blowing you off when talking to her. He likes spending time with you, so instead of talking to other people while you're around, he waits til you're not around. I'm not saying this IS the answer, but I do think you should consider a different outlook before automatically assuming it means he likes her, and is talking about inappropriate things with her.
Has he given you any reason to not trust him in the past?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): Yes it does seem odd. I mean if they work different shifts and can't find other time to talk, then that's just the way it is. Waiting up for her to phone at stupid o'clock when you've gone to bed, is strange. I would ask him what the story is.
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A
female
reader, Chocolate-eyes86  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Hmmm....that does sound really fishy when you say "But he always waits till I go to bed to talk with her". Thats where alarm bells would naturally be going off for us women. Have you ever considered why he waits til you are asleep? Have you ver met this coworker of his that he talks to when you are asleep? what is she like? Are they just good friends? Have you and your husband had trust issues in the past? These are all certain questiosn and factors to consider....
Well... to put your mind at ease and at rest, why dont you pretend you are sleeping? or maybe place a dictaphone or some sort of voice recording device just so you can fully know whats going on. I have a feeling he might be hiding something.
And what he doesn't know cant hurt him ;) lol
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 September 2012):
 It does seem odd that he can't talk to her with you around. IS there anything else that makes you not trust him?
Have you asked him?
As underhanded as this sounds, you can buy a voice activated recorder and put it close to where he sits before heading to be, you will only get one side of the conversation, but maybe that can tell you what is going on.
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