A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my bf of almost two years has been cheating on me and i just recently found out. i only give one strike and he blew it out the park.. I'm confused. i don't know if i should be sad or angry. i just need closure .. i doubt he'll tell the truth when i ask. i don't think i want him back , i just need the truth. he's threatened to kill himself and has evn dragged my family into this drama , i just want ever thing to be done.. but how do i get closure and stop the wrestling of unanswered questions in my mind... i just wanna be happy. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): You said you found out he's been cheating.
So I take it you have proof?
If so, show him.
He can't deny it then.
But to be honest, I think this is just prolonging the situation. If you know he has cheated (and I don't think he would be threatening to kill himself if he was innocent) then that should be enough for you to know what the next step should be.
You know he isn't an honest person otherwise he wouldn't have done this. So why bother expecting a confession?
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 August 2012):
 just a little to add.
Cheating is not easy to get over. Many longer relationships are unable to recover form cheating. This will probably take some time. Like any other loss in life this will have to be properly mourned.
You don't need the truth for closure. You already have enough evidence to convict. More details will just cause you more pain.
The "I'll kill myself if you don't take me back" line is usually used bu manipulative abusers to control another person. Don't believe it. There is a possibility that he feels remorse for what he has done, more likely he feels embarrassment at being caught.
The No Contact rule is not a sneaky way to make him want you more. It is a method to help you stop thinking about him and missing him. No text, no phone, no messages. no going over to pick up some stuff. Get someone else to take care of any contact that is necessary. If you can avoid it, no accidentally seeing him around town.
You want to be happy again. You have the right goal. It will take time. Fill your life with other things. Have a back up plan in case you do start thinking.
I'm most worried about your family. I hope they are not on his side.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 August 2012):
 Closure is overrated. In the sense that you never REALLY truly get closure, sometimes you just get to a point where it doesn't make such a big impact on you and your emotions.
He cheated. So if you feel sad, angry, confusion or whatever goes through your heart and mind, it's OK. You will probably feel a range of emotions over this. Ranging from guilt, doubt, to hate and distrust. The thing is, we all feel different things when faced with stuff.
The cheating was HIS choice. He HAD a choice not to do it, but he didn't go that route, he CHOSE to cheat. And now he is CHOOSING to emotionally blackmail you to forgive him. Life doesn't work that way.
It was a deal breaker for you. Many people feel that way about cheating, so don't let him make you feel bad for that. YOU ended it, which again was the RIGHT thing for you to do. But remember, there is no magic solution to getting over being betrayed. It takes time and sometimes a little reflection.
I agree with the no contact. It will help you heal faster.
Nothing he can say will make you feel better about his actions. Most likely he will try and pin the blame on you anyhow, typical cheater move. You made me do it!
Accept that he wasn't a keeper and chin up!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 August 2012):
 "I don't know if I should be sad or angry"
there is no SHOULD
you are what you are
as it is sad AND angry works for me...
you were betrayed.
you were lied to
your trust in human nature and your judgement of others DESTROYED by this man who you loved....
you don't want him back
the truth is that you want to hear it was NOT you... well it wasn't you. but you won't believe him...
you probably think if you had been a better gf he would not have cheated
but cheaters are saying more about themselves than the person they cheated on.
he's a liar
he's a cheater
he's a manipulator
threatening to kill himself... tell him... FINE no problem.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT and he's trying to guilt you into something.
the BEST thing to do is say goodbye in your brain to the
cheating, lying, no good, manipulative SOB (and honey you know this to be true)
you will never trust him again....
bringing your family into this is childish..
go NO CONTACT and you will heal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): Why do you need to know? He cheated, he's the one with the problem. Don't let this desire to know the warts and all of an ugly situation stop you from moving on.
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