A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and I love him a lot and I trust him. However, the other day he got invited to a guy friends birthday event in a bar and it came up on my newsfeed. I don't know the guy or anyone else on the invite list (it's not that he didn't introduce me, just we come from 2 different cities and met at uni so I've not met all his friends~ only his best). The majority of people on the list though aren't people he knows. Even though he's not said for certain he'll go as we have other plans that night, he might want to pop in for a few drinks and to catch up. He didn't mention bringing me and I was wondering if it would be unreasonable to ask if i could come along too? I get jealous a lot, and I know (after looking at the invite list) that there's gonna be quite a few girls there and I think one of them used to have a crush on my boyfriend. He's also quite good looking and I hate the thought of other girls hitting on him if i wasn't there, even though i trust him. Last time he went out on an event like this, I couldn't relax and he ended up talking to a girl most of the time he was there (it sounded as if she was flirting with him when he described it to me, but he says he's really oblivious when it comes to flirting)When I brought up the event with him, he said I sounded a little worried and asked if i was comfortable with him going, and obviously my body gave away that I wasn't entirely but I said that I want him to enjoy himself and see his some of his friends who he doesn't often see. So do you think I should wait to see if he brings it up with me on the night/nearer the time (in a couple of days) or ask if I could come with soon? Or something else entirely? Thank you for reading :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe often does ask me to come out with his friends to hang out(unless he was just having a bit of guy only time) and was happy to introduce me to his friends. In the time I've been with him he hasn't been invited to many parties~ just that girls' where he got talking to another girl, and one other night out where he only went out for a couple of drinks. He didn't invite me to either (they were small get-togethers with about 5/6 people) but it never really bothered me that much at the time. If I didn't come from another town quite far away I would invite him out a lot if me and my friends met up (as long as it wasn't girls only), when he stayed in my hometown with me he met most of my friends and got on with them.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 August 2012):
 Does he ever invite you out when he goes out with friends? If not, have you asked him why?
Do YOU invite him when you go out with YOUR friends? To parties with YOUR friend?
I certainly would NEVER ask to be invited. I find it a little odd that he doesn't ask you on his own volition.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAh sorry if that sounded confusing~ I meant to say when he last went out with a group of friends for a birthday(mainly girls) to a pub I wasn't invited and I couldn't relax that night as I was alone at home. My imagination kept getting the better of me. Then he was telling me how he got talking to a girl he met there and the way he described her interactions with him, though he couldn't feel it, sounded very flirtatious to me.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 August 2012):
 "Fatherly Advice~ What makes you think that i wouldn't have fun?"
Your description of the last party led me to believe that.
"Last time he went out on an event like this, I couldn't relax and he ended up talking to a girl most of the time he was there"
It didn't sound like fun to me.
I still believe you need to strengthen your trust. Perhaps you can find another way?
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for both your answers :)Fatherly Advice~ What makes you think that i wouldn't have fun? I enjoy meeting new people, i'm sociable and I get on well with all of his friends that I've met. Also we do have our own freedoms~ he goes out to hang out with his friends when he wants, whilst I do my own thing too. We're not together 24/7 all week :) We live in a house share with 4 others and have our own rooms since we both understand each others needs for space. Anonymous~ The thing is, its not just a small get together at his house. He's invited over 100 people to meet up at a bar. I didn't go out of my way to look up the guestlist and if he didn't want others to see he wouldn't have made it all public. Additionally, this guy said on the event that anyone and everyone is welcome. And sadly jealousy's the one emotion that i find hard to control :(
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (21 August 2012):
I trust him, but I'm jealous.
Why not use this as an opportunity to strengthen your trust. Let him go, alone, you stay home. He can promise to be good and tell you everything that happens.
I have two reasons for this suggestion. First you won't have fun at the party anyway. Second if your relationship is going to go the distance you are going to have to let him have some freedom. This is a good start. It will help you as well.
FA
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2012): First if you really trusted him then you would have no worries. Also its not his party to invite you to, you just have to sit back and trust him, jealousy can be a horrible thing, it can consume you and you cam become a different person. As far as you looking at the guest list for a party that you are not invited to, is a bit far. He would of mentioned it to you if he wanted you to tag along.
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