Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 The other advise is really good.
Don't freak out as this sort of topic is a tough one to address. It will be very embarrassing for your son and it could make things really awkward. If you confront it straight away he will most likely snap and say "why were you snooping in my room" etc and it will make things worse.
Maybe just subtly hint to him that you know and say it's fine for him to use underwear but maybe he should not use yours.
Be careful and sensitive to him as he's young and obviously experimenting. Maybe suggest he buys some mags or something?x
A
female
reader, neomum +, writes (13 September 2012):
Hi i just read this to my husband and he agrees buy him a gift card or buy it yourself and say I have got you a present but tell him to open it in his room with a little quip as he's going up stairs 'its so that you can have your own and leave my alone.'
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): I dont think your son means anything specific about using your lingerie - it probably the only one that he could get his hands on.
I would let his dad talk to him as this is going to be very very embarrasing for him. Also I agree that he should be given a voucher to shop for a lingerie on which he can experiment with.
His dad needs to have a heart to heart talk so he understands the boundries and limits without making him feel like its dirty or a bad thing.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 Using the lingerie is not the issue.. using YOURS is the issue...
I would not freak out
I would not say he's wrong or bad for wanting lingerie.. just having MOM's is gross...
so my advice.....
sit him down and tell him you know about it.
do not make a huge deal about the desire to masturbate into lingerie that's NORMAL...
explain that you will be keeping your laundry separate from his from now on but that you understand his deisres and needs and he needs to supply his own masturbation devices.
If you wish you could give him a prepaid gift card loade with some money and the victoria's secret catalog and let him order a couple of things for his own use.
then tell him that he needs to
a. keep them in a private place and under his bed is fine if he has a box or something and
b. he is the one responsible for CLEANING THEM after use...
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (13 September 2012):
 You need to sit him down and discuss your fears with him and make sure he knows that it isn't right what he's doing even if it wasn't your unwashed underwear it isn't nice for a mother to find this out i can only imagine.Maybe he is missing some fatherly advice and help around the home i think you need to sit him down and make sure he knows the boundaries of this type of situation, but make sure he doesn't feel belittled in anyway.Hopefully he'll realise what he is doing isn't right and it'll be just a phase but you must let him know about the issue as you said otherwise if you just simply take it away and bring it back then it could lead to the wrong message.I know Freuds theory is that sometimes a son loves his mother and can be jealous of a male figure and maybe he feels that this is normal as he does love you a lot as you'r his mother.Just sit him down and have a chat about the issue just tell him you're a bit worried but try not to embarrass him.Hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): Just tell him its unacceptable to use peoples clothing for such things, and that if he needs something to do it into, to use condoms.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): Just tell him its unacceptable to use peoples clothing for such things, and that if he needs something to do it into, to use condoms.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 September 2012):
 So you are concerned, and you feel that there should be some boundaries. Yes many parents have dealt with this. The way to make sure the right message is sent is to have a frank discussion with him. He needs to know what is o k and what is not.
The important thing is not to freak out. Treat it as something you expected to happen, something you understand. Assume the best. Keep the lines of communication open. Set rules that are verifiable. Provide realistic alternatives.
FA
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