A
female
age
30-35,
*n love with my dance partner
writes:Ok, so I've been spending the night with this guy for almost a month now, but we've never had sex. Everything was a very slow process (other than starting to spend the night, which was done just for innocent cuddling). I hadn't even given him head until August! It all started out with us agreeing we weren't looking for a relationship or anything, and that was perfectly fine. We started liking each other more and more, but by the end of the school year, he said he wasn't looking to continue anything. He was graduating from college, and I was just finishing up my freshman year. Throughout the summer, though, we talked almost every day, and now that I'm back at school, we've seen each other every weekend for almost a month. He is not a virgin, but I am. We've talked about having sex, and I told him I want to have sex with him, but he said he won't do that. He said he wants to, but that he won't. I don't know what to do. I love him (and I've told him that) and I want him to be my first, but I don't want to be too pushy about it. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Bob Loblaw +, writes (12 September 2012):
I notice that you haven't said that he has ever said that he loves you back. That probably means something....something that is very painful and hard to accept. I'm sorry, I really am.
You sound like a very sweet, genuine, caring person who has had the misfortune of being around someone who is also a good guy at heart but also knows that the relationship you have just isn't going to work. For whatever reason he's just not able to commit to you and he knows it, and he's probably trying to let you down gently.
Whatever you do, don't beg or plead. Be strong, value yourself and wait for a better, more symmetric situation to come around. (by that I mean meeting someone closer to where you are in your own life) You're young and have lots and LOTS of time.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Dance,
Until he is willing to commit to a long term relationship with you you are at an impasse. He is right to stop you at the point he has. Finally a young person who understands limiting intimacy to a level that is correct for the relationship.
Sorry to not answer your question. Just be happy that you were able to know him for the time you had. He is a decent Man. You will appreciate him more when you try to find another.
FA
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