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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: From elementary to high school, I was always a "nerd" so girls I thought were friends with me because they thought I was cool/nice/etc, actually used me by copying my homework/cheating off me....This is why I didn't make too many friends, because I just didn't trust people. Now I'm facing the same predicament in COLLEGE. The first day of class I made the people around me aware that I was knowledgeable (especially on the subject of our class) and they all kind of scooted next to me, beginning to copy my lab notebook, calling me with questions...On one hand, it's flattering and I do enjoy helping people out but on the other, I feel used. I'm bombarded with texts from these 5 girls about class and as much as I try to help them, their ignorance just seeps through and annoys me ("how do you know all this sh*t?" , etc).. I'm trying to handle this constructively and help these people out without losing confidence... (which is beginning to happen) because, especially in my school, display of knowledge isn't considered too *sexy* or attractive, so I still feel like a nerd. I don't mean to sound pretentious or arrogant at ALL - I wouldn't be trying to help people out if I was. Please help me out ):
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 August 2012):
 I work in a major university in North Carolina and here "displays of knowledge" are considered to very attractive indeed. Maybe you should switch colleges. The only real nerds in college are the the ones paying big bucks for an education they are blowing off. People are used only because they allow it. Tell your "friends" to hire a tutor.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (29 August 2012):
 You are who you are, Pretending to be someone else will not make you feel better. You are smart, and you enjoy helping others. I've seen your problem handled in many ways some work, some do not. You are opposed to cheating, and you feel used. Those should be your guide in setting up the limited way you are willing to help.
First an explanation about the others behavior. Some people, because they are pretty or popular, Have always been able to get others to do their schoolwork for them. They use their social skills to get what they want. They expect that this is their right and will get very upset if they don't get it. The way you can recognize them is that they don't seek understanding, they just want an answer. They will text asking "what did you get on # 13?" instead of "how did you approach this problem?" Giving this kind of person a wrong answer, or no answer, will wind up with them blaming you for their poor grade. Usually with some revenge worked in.
The better way to handle this is to set out a specific time and place for a study group. Never give answers, always show examples. Be willing to check their work. Always answer texts with an invitation to study group. They will soon become bored and leave you alone. A few will decide to do their own work and appreciate your help. The first time they will come with no work done. Explain that you can't help until you see where they are having difficulty.
The next kind of user is the one who ignores you all week then sits behind you for tests. The best way to combat this is to sit on the front row in the center for tests and quizzes. Cheaters hate the front row and love corners. If that doesn't work, come early Then move seats just before the test starts. If that fails talk to the instructor privately.
What you would really like would be to be a valued part of their group. Unfortunately, they will not give you that in exchange for homework answers. They will actually think less of you the more you give. Treat them as if you are a teacher. Act as if you have authority, as well as knowledge. Then you can get at least their respect.
One thing you need to remember is that sexy doesn't help you when you are interacting with girls. You don't care if they think you are attractive. Guys are a different story. Insecure guys are put off by smart women. Confident secure men, prefer a woman who can be their equal, but knows how to make them feel like a leader. Hanging out with a bunch of vapid floozies will not help you meet that kind of guy.
Final warning. In College When a professor / TA sees the same answers from a group over and over they get suspicious. You will be grouped in with the cheaters if your answers match theirs.
FA
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 August 2012):
 Be more sparing and sporadic with your help.Texts and phone calls are easy to deal with. Turn off your phone or ignore it (easier to do if you don't carry it around with you). Act as though you never got them and only assist others when you can do so comfortably. COMFORTABLY. That means you don't do it if you're tired, not in the mood, it's late, you have other plans, you'd rather read a book etc...etc. No one else needs to know how you spend your time.Here are some handy lines you could use:'If I'm done my own work and not too tired by [such and such time] I'll give you a call, but I'm not promising anything''My phone was off so I didn't get your text''I won't be home tonight.' If the person is rude enough to suggest calling you while you're out with someone else inform them 'No, thanks. When I'm out with someone I give them my full attention.'If someone does call or text and you do answer, put a time limit on how long you're willing to help: 'I've got about half an hour (don't offer more than this. You can help for longer if you're willing and able, but don't offer it).'See what you come up with by Googling it and if you still have questions, give me a call no later than [give yourself a buffer by making your deadline earlier than you actually need: eg. if you like to relax by 10pm, then tell them 9pm]'Your tone should always be friendly, but firm, unapologetic and somewhat dismissive. By dismissive I don't mean you should be rude, but you should give their requests the same importance you would give a comment about the weather. Keep it brief and do not volunteer any more information (the more you say the more chance you give people to try to convince you to accomodate them). Act as though whatever you're saying is the most natural thing in the world, because it is.Show that you have interests and ambitions outside of school by talking about them. It's a non confrontational way of letting people know you're not just a workhorse and it creates an avenue for further social interaction. People can relate to you if you share some common interests. They can't if all you seem to think about are studying and school work.A general rule which will also help you with this problem is when asked what you did over the weekend, or what you're doing when someone happens to call, NEVER EVER EVER say 'Oh, nothing.' or 'This and that'. NEVER. Boring, lazy people do nothing. Interesting, energetic people are always doing something. It doesn't have to be wonderfully exciting to everyone else, but it is something. It could be anything; laundry, reading, watching a movie, napping, giving yourself a manicure or pedicure, talking to a friend or relative on the phone, going to the store, doing errands, baking, suntanning, working out, at the cinema, the zoo, the museum, local attractions, you name it.If someone does seem annoyed that you weren't available (or were but not for long enough) pretend not to notice it. Do not feel obliged to make it up to them. They will get over it if you just give them the chance. And more importantly they will learn from it. If people think you do nothing, they won't feel badly about infringing upon your time. If they think you're busy and interesting, they'll appreciate whatever time you give them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): I would give them the wrong answers and don't let ppl know how smart you are because they'll keep using you. And if you keep giving them the wrong answers saying you don't know then they'll leave you alone. And if you don't want to be consideredna nerd dress like they do wear make up do your hair and socialize it will help your feelings
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