A
female
age
41-50,
*my277
writes:Ok so my boyfriend of one year got caught talking and seeing his ex girlfriend about a month ago I talked to Both I them and their just friends nothing happen, I told him that's fine but no more spending time with her. I should come first! But sense then my trust has went out the door, he's been acting weird too like won't let me touch him, we went from sex everyday to I can't remember the last time. And he keeps his phone on him 24-7. I feel like I'm going crazy and have been doing everything to catch him in the act but can't keep doing this. I love him very much and want this to work but he just keeps telling me he wants me to trust him that he's in love with me and won't hurt me. I feel it in my gut that he's cheating but I can't find real proof.
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ex girlfriend, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (11 September 2012):
But the present counts as much as the future.
If he sees a future with you, he needs to be willing to work with you on the problems you are having NOW. Please make sure he knows this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2012): He is cheating!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 I think FA summed it up perfectly.
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A
female
reader, cgrlygo +, writes (8 September 2012):
 I have to agree with the other posts....the writing is on the wall.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): Trust is vital in a relationship, he does have a point, but you simply don't trust him and his behavior does seem suspicious, which isn't helping matters.
You're going to have to trust your gut instinct on this one to make your decision.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Dear Amy,
Let me clue you in on something. You don't have a boyfriend. You have a bad hobby.
You don't trust him, He doesn't have sex with you. He hides things from you. He does things that displease you. This is not a relationship.
Relationships are made up of trust and communication. You have replaced them with ownership and spying.
Here is your bad hobby. You like spying. You don't love him very much, you are addicted to the game. If he wasn't cheating, you wouldn't have a game.
My interpretation of his behavior is that his actions speak louder than his words. He saw his ex. He stopped having sex with you. He is emotionally disconnected. He is just holing on until you let him go so it won't be his fault. All his loving words are lies meant to keep you from yelling at him. That is the only way I can make sense of what he is saying or doing. If I am right on that, then, you don't have a boyfriend.
FA
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A
female
reader, Amy277 +, writes (7 September 2012):
Amy277 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! We have had the talk and he says he sees me in his future but again I feel like he's just saying this to please me.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (7 September 2012):
Have you asked him why does not seem interested in sex?
Why not ask him to show you his phone the next time he says that he wants you to trust him. If there is nothing in his phone that proves he is or was cheating, then you can slowly work on rebuilding trust. If he does not show you his phone, if he refuses saying something like you should just trust him, or if there is concrete proof that he cheated on you (whatever your definition of cheatig may be) then it is time that you break up with him.
Finally, the whole angry, paranoid, 'trying to catch him in the act' persona you have right now could very easily be the reason why he doesn't want sex and doesn't want you to touch him. Guys don't seem to like crazy women around them...especially if they are the reason she is acting crazy.
The truth is, you two need to talk without it turning into an argument. You need to decide whether you could have a future together, or if you should just call it quits now.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 September 2012):
 do you need proof?
if his behavior is not acceptable regardless of if he is cheating or not do you need proof to end a relationship that is leaving you unhappy?
you say you love him very much... but why? what about him right now do you love?
you don't trust him...
you feel like he's cheating and lying to you... so tell him..
"your behavior (list the things you listed here) have left me concerned that you are not being truthful with me.
I don't trust you.
there is no relationship without trust so I have to end our relationship and take care of myself"
and end it.
yeah i know it's easier said than done. but it's what you should do.
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