A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, Your opinions would be welcome. Things have not been too good with me and my BF of late, and we had a bit of a bad evening about two and a half weeks ago, and I told him that I am not really getting anything out of the relationship etc. Things were ok in the morning as I stayed there. Since that evening, he has been totally ignoring my texts and emails ( we had been together for 19 months). I asked him if we were finished? he won;t answer. I asked him if he is still upset with me? he won't answer. I called him, and he slammed the phone down on me. He w=is flat out refusing to say what's going on after I have sent him email.s asking him if we can discuss, sort out, what the problem is etc. I called him again today and he made an angry noise and put down the phone. I feel I need some explantion here. We have had worse arguments than that and things have been sorted after a few days. he just will not respond to me at all, and I am devastated. Please advise. Thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Sage Old guy- I feel in my heart that is the truth too. I WILL get hurt again , without a shadow of a doubt, and when I get my moments of clarity - they are telling me '[ NO DON:T GO BACK!! NEVER EVER SEE THAT MAN AGAIN!! STAY OUT OF IT WHILE YOU CAN DON:T LOOK BACK!!. x
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 P.S. ANYTHING ELSE that you do will just get you a place back in line for still some more heartache and dispair.
Remember this advice, from Smokey the Bear: "Only YOU can prevent heartache and dispair.."
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 August 2012):
You write: "....I don't know what to do, as I do not want to get hurt again.x..."
Here's "what to do"..... IGNORE HIM, for NOW and the-rest-of-your-life.....
Case closed....
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, please advice. he called me and i called him back and he sounded sheepish and remorseful.He has asked me to call him back this evening. I don;t know what to do, as he disspeared on me for three weeks, and I wonder what was going on for that time. He said he needed a break, as I was volitie that night, but we have had worse arguments than that, and he has not dissapeared like that. I don't know what to do, as I do not want to get hurt again.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi anon. You are right,and thanks for reminding me. It.s been hard,but yes, i need to make a decision. Im trying
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): YOUR summing up of the relationship prior to this latest bust up
you
'hadnt seen him for 2 wks,only saw him once a week, hardly ever went out, he was snappy and narty with you for months he is selfish he messed you around'
It sounds like from your description you 2 were simply FWBs or you were merely his booty call.You sure werent getting anything out of it,not exactly a big love job hey.
He contacted you after 3wks silence,what did you do, you phoned him just like he knew you would.He reeled you back in then went cold.He probly found another girl to 'put out' that night so ignored your calls again.
You can play stupid emotional tennis games with him forever its up to you or walk and MEAN it,get your life back.Your choice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok. .i rang him back. He sounded remorseful,and kept asking if i was alright. I kept the conversation freindly and light. Am i too accept that it was ok for him to dissapear for 3 weeks after what i said to him? I don.t want to be a walk over. Please advise. X
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi farterley advice. I hate the fights and fall outs. He seems to enjoy the game playing. I certainly don,t,and have been in alot of pain with this. I just want a loving relationship. I.m not going to get one with this guy am i? It.s gone bk to square one with him not picking up today. I tried. X
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 August 2012):
 Perhaps I need a rethink. The situation has now devolved into a running battle. Some people seem to prefer a relationship with fights and making up. I'm starting to wonder if that is what we are seeing.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi. After dissapearing for 3 weeks, it.s hardly surprising i wasn.t that motivated to ring him back and 'check in'. ! I did try,but v late. He had turned his phone off. I texted,and tried again today,and no answer. X
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 August 2012):
 you two need to stop playing games.
if he asked you to call and you didn't and yet said you would you are just as guilty of game playing as he is.
if you want him gone, then make him gone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear all. He has rung me after 3 wks,claiming i was to volitile that night, which i wasn.t,and that he needed a break. Shame he didn.t tell me that at the time. He then had the cheek to ask me to call him when i got hme last night. I didn.t. He rang me and i ignored, then when i did try and ring,he ignored. It pathetic. I think he.s game playing. I think i need to stick to my plan,and stay away. Your thoughs please.?
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (23 August 2012):
 Hi
After your follow up, I can see you were justified. There wasn't much left to salvage in the relationship really, all very one sided.
Don't chase him, nor apologise,its done,he doesn't want to fix things, leave him alone now.
Focus on getting over him because he sounds like he left, emotionally, long before that night.This time next year you will be over him and wondering what you ever saw in him....x
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all. Thank you for your answers. I felt justified in saying that I wasn.t getting anything out of it. I was only seeing him once a week I discussed that with him ,but it didn.t change. We hardly went out. He messed me around quite a bit,and admitted he was not good for me. He was also selfish,so that evening. i told him all this,as i was fed up of it. I hadn.t even seen him for nearly two weeks then.he was snappy and narty with me for the whole evening,and witholding. It was not the first time either. This had been going on for monhs on and off,and I had been trying to fix it,as I loved him,but nothing was changing.i became frustrated about it,and told him how i felt,and now this is what he.s done. After all my trying to fix things between us,he repays me by cutting me off in this way with no explanation. Ar i said, we have had worse arguments than this,but over the last couple of months, i was trying to protect myself,and not be there at his beck and call as i have been. I.ve invested alot of time and energy into trying to make it work.,and now feel stupid that i.ve tried so many times to contact him,and he.s ignored me. Yes, i guess i did make him feel useless that evening. Am i too apologise for that? Or will that make things worse,and make me feel even worse than i do? I don.t want to continue making a fool of myself either. X
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 August 2012):
You and he are in the process of breaking up.....
For HIM, it was something instantaneous.... and he's playing his part...
For YOU, it is something that is lingering, and you disdain of letting go of whatever was going on between the two of you... As a result, YOU are acting like there STILL IS "something" between the two of you... HOWEVER, in order for there to BE "something between the two of you" BOTH of YOU must take part.... and he isn't (taking part).
How about cutting your losses and frustrations and simply stepping away from the horrible breakup/relationship that you've described? THAT will give you a chance to recover AND get on with your life...
Good luck...
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (22 August 2012):
Ummm, I don't see this as a spoiled child trying to get something. I do agree it is rude. On the other hand he is under no obligation to talk to you.
Here is how I see it. You told him you were getting nothing out of the relationship, along with some other non specific things. He heard that you think he is useless, and that he has nothing to offer you. He is tired of fighting. He is hurt.
Now if it is childish to remain calm until you are out of hitting range, then protect himself by avoiding you as you continue to haunt him for 2 weeks, so be it.
Now you feel as devastated as he did 2 weeks ago when you told him he was going to have to change if you were going to like him.
There is your explanation. That is what he is feeling. As for advice, stop calling him.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2012): Was this relationship worth agonizing about? You say it was not working for you. Maybe he felt the same. I think the relationship exploded and it's over. Maybe you were not quite prepared for this, but if you really think about it - the signs are that it's totally over. So do not contact him again and remember that it wasn't working for you, as you say, so move on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 August 2012):
 I think that there's more to this story. As you have said, you've had worse arguments that he's stayed and helped you sort out. So what makes this different? You brought the claim that you're not getting anything out of the relationship. What aren't you getting out, and what makes you say that? Is this a recurring fight that he's tired of fighting? Did you give him a solution? What would it take from him to make you feel like you're getting something out of the relationship?
Something's not adding up here, and I'm hesitant to advise you on this until I hear more about what this is about. In the past, he's stayed and resolved with you. What makes this fight different, and what events made you say what you said?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 August 2012):
He's acting like a spoiled child who can't get their way.
Therapy is called for... are you serious enough with this man to invest time and money in therapy to try to fix this?
You told him you are not getting anything out of the relationship so instead of being an adult and ending it nicely he needs to cut all contact and end it like a child.
His lack of response is a response.
You need to stop contacting him and move on.
You have my permission to mourn this loss for SIX WEEKS after which time you must stop eating ice cream, crying at old movies and get out in the world again....
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (22 August 2012):
Hi
I think you can safely say this relationship is over..you did the 'Ime not really getting anything out of the relationship' speech, so he's let you go.
I would do the same in his shoes if somebody said that to me, it wasn't an argument, it was you saying he wasn't enough for you really,that it wasn't working.If you leave him alone he might decide to approach YOU and talk, but I wouldn't hold your breath.
As it stands you are now free to find a man that you do want to be with, that fulfills your relationship needs, so its not all bad. x
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