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female
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anonymous
writes:Hiya, Recently I've been thinking that my feelings for my boyfriend aren't as strong as they used to be. So, my friends decided to test him, see whether he truly liked me, he was talking dirty with them, and stripped off on webcam. He then denied it completely to me. I know that he did it, because I saw it. But when I think about it, I'd miss him holding me, I'd miss how comfortable and loved he makes me feel. What do I do? Part of me wants to finish him, but the other half wants to hang onto what I've wanted for so long, a boyfriend who loves me.?? Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Hi I understand why it crossed your mind to test him. I used to see a guy until recently but somehow I never fully trusted him so I tested him chatting him up through text messages, pretending to be a mistery admirer. He took the bait and more.. I confronted him and things ended up bitterly. I think you can do better than 1. beating yourself up cos you tested him 2. taking him back and forgetting about the whole thing .I felt the same shock, like ' omg what have I done, was it right or wrong' at some point. But now I know I'm much better off wihtout that kind of person so close to me in my life. Perhaps if oyu told him abou t your testing and se ehow he reacts to it and then makes it up to you big time.. but I have doubts someone who'd be flashing on the internet would have the motivation to keep up at their real life relationship. Keep us posted and take care. xxx
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (9 July 2006):
 Wow... I can't believe the arrogance of your "testing" his love for you, irrespective of the outcome. What a self-serving, egocentric attitude you have, young woman!
If it's reached this point, where you feel justified -- and so far above him -- that you can concoct harebrained schemes like this to trap him, then it's over. Admit it.
Frankly, he's lucky to have lost you.
Wow.
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female
reader, Little_Laura +, writes (9 July 2006):
 You don't want to be lonley and that's fair enoughbut if you're not going to be happy in your relationship then you ought to break it off. You need to tell your bf the truth first and see what he says. i think he will be angry that you tested him and also that he failed.
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): Sounds like your boyfriends feelings have changed since you got together too, so don't feel like your the only one. I don't think it was a good idea for your friends to test him but that was your choice, talk to your boyfriend and explain how you feel about him and he will explain his feelings for you, you might get closer this way and this might sort things out between you. Explain to him that you can not trust him anymore if that is how you feel. If you still want him then tell him, tell him you still want him but you would rather start all over again.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 July 2006):
 Don't mistake avoiding being lonely for a loving relationship. Breaking up is hard but it comes down to self respect at the end of the day - you caught him cheating and you may miss the relationship but it will be founded on a lie and mistrust in the future if you continue with it. You will be constantly wondering what he will be up to on the net and elsewhere. I think his little outing in the world of cybersex should teach you that (i) he is clearly insincere towards you and (ii) a little tragic...if you get your kicks from talking dirty and flashing your bits on a webcam then it is a little odd when you have a real relationship. I am not saying that your test was morally right but you did test him and now you have to live with the consequences really. I am sure you wouldn't have tested him if you had been feeling 100% secure with the relationship in the first place, so maybe this unhappy news is what you needed to view to draw the relationship to a conclusion?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): Looks like your boyfriend's feelings for you weren't as strong as they used to be either.
I think you made a big mistake allowing your friends to "test" him. If you had spoken to your boyfriend about your feelings, and were both able to come to an agreement at working towards getting closer together, he probably wouldn't have cheated on you. I realise sex wasn't involved, but talking dirty and stripping off is most certainly a form of cheating.
I think you should put this down to experience. He's been unfaithful, he's lied and you no longer trust him. Hardly grounds to continue a loving relationship - but good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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