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female
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anonymous
writes:I am having troubles with making a reallly important decision. First off, I am 17 years old and next year would like to do attent univesity and get a degree in a particular area I have chosen. Problem is the town I live in does not offer it. So my only choice to get that degree is to move away to another place that offers it. There is two other cities that I know of that do offer exactly what I want. City A being closer to home then City B. City A ofers the course and isnt too big or too small. City B however is quite far away from home but I have a few good guy frineds there, one of them who I have deep feelings for and we both would really ilke to start a relationship. Helpppp! What do I do? I am afraid to move out of home cause its sooo scary. I would miss my mum soooo much. And I don't think I would cope very well being a first year university student studying, working to be able to afford my degree and living far away from home.Yet I really want to be in City B with that guy...we are such good frineds and I really want to be more.what do I do????
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks guys alot! Your help has made my mind a bit more cleared.
In response to male reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006), I am from Australia, not the UK. Funny that you are from Australia and assumed I was from the Uk. So yeah as you know, Australia is fairly big. I'm from north qld and city a is south qld and city b is in vic! so its quite a fair while away.
I think that what you guys said about not choosing a uni and place to live in based on a boy is right. Like one of you mentioned, it might not even work out between me and him and considering we are only young and have so much growing up to do, the chances are low.
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reader, Bev Conolly +, writes (13 July 2006):
 You can also consider doing your "basic" courses in the uni closest to your home. The first year you're always saddled with general courses that may not be relevant to your chosen field anyway, things like English Composition. Those are courses that you can take at your local uni or even at a tech college or junior college (depends where you live), before you have to make a decision next year - or even in two years! - about where to transfer.
I left home at 16 to go to a university a few hours from home, and I suffered terrible homesickness. Of course, that was decades ago, before email, before IM, before Skype, before webcams. You have all those things to help you make the transition to adult life away from family, so don't worry.
As Dr Pysch recommends, don't make a big decision about uni based on a guy. Universities everywhere are full of guys; that's not even an issue. Make the choice based on how well served you are by the uni's facilities and instructors.
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reader, DrPsych  +, writes (13 July 2006):
 I know moving out is scary...I did it at 18 when I left for Uni. (and yes I brought my washing home by the sack load for 2 years). Don't make a decision based on one guy. Make a choice based on where is the best course for you. When you go to Uni. you will meet lots of new people including prospective boyfriends. You may have 'deep feelings' for this guy now, but you may change your mind in a year or so.
This guy you like may find other girls at Uni. too and then you would have gone there for the wrong reason. If you want a relationship with this guy then it can be a long distance one - lots of couples survive when they go to different Universities if they make an effort. Most students struggle on the money front but it doesn't mean you have to cut ties with your family altogether - you should go back at the weekends and have lots of phone calls in between. As a student and now University staff I can say that first year student-work is not that taxing (if you manage A'level then the first year will be a breeze for you). You also have to realise that if you want a career then sooner or later you are going to have to move out and leave town to get a job or training elsewhere so going to University is just one reason to leave!
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reader, Wendyg +, writes (13 July 2006):
 Well I think you have already said what you want to do and that City B with this guy you have feelings for. At least that way it will feel more familar to you and you have someone around that you know and it will seem less daunting. The only problem that you could face, is if the two of you dont see eye to eye and fall out or split up then your then on your own and feeling down and it could affect your studies. Having a realtionship straight off while you are studying could also affect your studies, this could be a good or a bad thing, good being it may make you relax and knuckle down, or b get so consumed with him and being with him that you dont study very well as you will be too focused on him. At least with city B you say there are others there that you know so if things didnt work out with your guy you will still have support. Maybe go along to City B start studying putting the main focus on your studying and seeing how things go with the guy you care for, but make sure you both feel the same way and put your study first. if you are happy there together and see alot of each there is no reason why you cant see each other relaxing enjoy each other and take things easy, establisj a base and take it to a heavier level when you both finish your degree, at least that way you can support each other through it and give guidance and see if you both want to have a full future together. City A you may feel isolate and not study as well feeling alone away from everyone, but i think you have already thought this through and want to go to City B, remember you can always call home and go home in the holidays, and maybe the odd weekend if it suits.
Hope things work out well for you and you get your degree!!
Take care and good luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006): I'm gathering your a UK resident (forgive me if you're not - and please I'm not trying to be rude) I'm an Australian, my course is 6hrs away from where I am now. (I'm 18 going to Uni next year). It's like 3 hours from one side of the country to the other in UK, You can't be that far away from where you are now.
Go for the one you want, You can always stay in contact with your family by phone, visit all the time. It might be scary to begin with, but you'll have friends so it'll be ok :)
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