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female
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anonymous
writes: I met a guy while holidaying in Germany. He is from Australia and has a finace back home (of four years!!) We had two nights of amazing love and passion. I returned home and a couple of days later he called to say he wanted to come over and see me before he returned to Australia. He came this weekend and we got to no each other and had the best fun over the last two days. He left yesterday and my heart is broken. Dont think i can ever feel this way about anyone else again only him. I have been single for the past 3 years and had no relationships since and been with only a couple of guys. I dont know what to do. I cant sleep or eat i just want him back now. I know all i have to do is try and forget and get over it but i just cant do it.. i dont want to get over him.. we had something.. im 24 i have never even come close to feeling those feelings for anyone. Please help anyone!! It hurts so bad i feel like dieing........ Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): Hun, I am amazed that by reading your posting...is how little responsibility you take for what happened. You knowingly slept with a man of little or no integrity, who was engaged to another woman! Where is your brain, woman?
Sex drives the heart, dear and you got hooked, in a bad way. This happens when a women doesn't think with her head and allows herself to become emotionally blinded to a man's charms. The man screwed around on his fiancee with you..so what type of man does this sort of thing? A moral zero, perhaps? Hun, you conciously made the decision to sleep with a fellow who is engaged to another. You stepped in and allowed yourself to be some guy's sexual release or convenience while he gets to go back to his fiancee, the woman he has a deeper, caring and committed relationship with-the girl he loves. There is nothing you can do. You had a fling...that's all. Now, heal, recover and just move on and get out there and find a nice, available guy. One who treats you well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006): How can you have someone back when he wasn't even yours? He is engaged. You knew this and he most certainly told you because he was telling you exactly what he wanted and expected from you and you came through.
This was selfish of him and because he was up front with you, he doesn't have to feel any obligation to you.
He was using you for sex. I didn't see you saying he declared his love for you and that he would call off the engagment and want a future with you. If that is what sex is to you, you need to stop having sex with people you don't know.
You also have to figure out why you would put your heart on the line with someone who is not avaiable.
You can endure this pain and overcome. You will find a love if that is what you really want.
Time and careful consideration before you leap into another encounter. Actually...avoid encounters and look for a relationship, when you are ready that is.
Take care of yourself first.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (11 July 2006):
 You are right in identifying this is a holiday romance. You maybe feeling bad right now but it will get better with time. You cannot be sure he doesn't see this as being just a fling. What's more he doesn't sound like a great guy - I know you don't want to hear that. He is getting married and has a fiancee tucked away down-under. Even if you take the distance out of the relationship equation, he has technically cheated on his future wife with you. If he split with her and moved over to the UK (or you went there) then you would be constantly wondering what he is getting up to when he is out of your sight. You have to treat this as a bit of temporary fun, however painful it is right now. Don't mix up a holiday fling with just being lonely because you have been single for a while. There are plenty of guys out there who are single, uncomplicated and in the UK (which are three good starting points for a relationship). You know you are attractive now as you have had this fling so use that confidence to find someone who is worthy of your attention and don't settle for being someone's bit on the side.
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