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female
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*tarristar
writes: Dear Cupid,I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 9 months.We have a long distance thing and everything was fine and i was so happy. Then we decided to move in together. I was gonna move there but it all fell through because of his money issues(In all honesty i think i may have gotten cold feet aswell or we could have done things to sort the money problems out)I feel let down. Anyway we then went through a rough patch and i feel that i have gone off the relationship, i cant see it going anywhere. Should i end it or continue seeing him even though it will continue to be a case of - I can only see him when he can afford to come and see me. I do want to be with him but my feelings are totaly cut off from the relationship at the moment. I dont know what to do.Sorry about the long question,Any advice would be much appreciated,Kind Regards,StarriStar
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female
reader, starristar +, writes (13 July 2006):
starristar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for your responses, I found them very usefull. I think maybe the whole moving in togther just put alot of pressure on the both of us and now that we have decided that he will try to get a place of his own I feel much more comfortable. That way if i ever do decide to go and live with him he will already have a place all set up and ready (Less pressure on me finding a job up there immeadiatly ect). I think that your were right when you said that commitment is commitment and you have to ride through the rough patches and see if it makes you stronger as a couple. And also i think its gonna be a great idea to just see how things go. Maybe try spending more time together at a time (holidays up there ect) to see if we really are compatible on a long term basis. Fingers crossed we will be able to make it as i do have alot of feelings for him.
Thanks again for your support,
Means alot,
xxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): It sounds like you already came to some sort of conclusion.
Money is an amazing thing. It can feed the hungry, it can clothe the naked, it can build homes, it can bring smiles to children's faces. It also can create wars, hunger, suffering, it can tear marriages, homes, families apart.
Do you feel let down because of money issues and is that the only reason?
Going through rough patches are part of a relationship and in life, we need the rough patches so that we may grow and learn- we as humans needs trials to overcome and to fail...this is life.
Rough patches are an oppurtunity to learn about yourself and one another, to grow and learn from it, to bring you to together so that the next rough patch becomes a little bit easier to overcome together.
Sometimes in a relationship; the woman will have to do the heavy lifting. Sometimes you will be the only one to provide. Sometimes you may have to be the strong one.
It isn't so bad.
Committment is more then a word; it's an action and it must be something you are willing to uphold as it may be all that is left to save a relationship/marriage.
You said yourself that you don't want to be with him. Is this the truth? If it is then you made the decision and now you have to tell him.
Most doubts are just that; doubts.
I hope you sort out what you want so that you can be happy.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (12 July 2006):
 Only you can decide what to do for the best at the end of the day. It wouldn't be a good idea to stay with him just to be in a relationship, but you do say you want to be with him - only you can decide if you want him, or just don't wish to be single. If the relationship isn't going anywhere then perhaps it would be for the best to end it. But perhaps you shouldn't give up just yet - why don't you go and stay with him for a while (not the big commitment of living together, just spending some time together like a holiday). That way you can be sure that you want to be with him or not.
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