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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been seeing this man for a year now and yes he is married unfortunately. He was gone for three months on a work assignment and came here a few days ago. My question is, why is he acting so cold if he is the one that called me to go see him? Could it be that he is trying to tell me something or is it me just feeling that way? I felt like I wasn't wanted all the while I was there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): You relationship with this married man is likely drawing to a close, dear. Men usually go cold when they lose interest...or they have moved on to someone else. As upsetting as it is to hear, realistically, you should be relieved. Face the loss, heal and recover because you haven't lost much. He’s a cad and people who screw around on their spouses are deceptive and possess the lowest of character. So it should not come as a surprise, that he'd treat you any different other than a side dish. I normally would say how sorry I am to hear when a woman is treated badly by their loved one. However, in this case I won't do that. I feel empathy for his family more than anything. You do need to learn from this experience and take full responsibility here for your part in all this. He chased you and you could have ended it before it started. You know dear, just because a woman is chased by a married man, doesn’t ever mean she has to give in to his charms.. Being chased by a married man is a predictable, oh-so-common experience occurrence in the lives of many women. But what makes a smart woman of good character stand out..is she recognizes the married man for what he truely is. So now..here's your chance to just get the hell out of this situation. Look at this as a fresh start to your life...and remember, discrimination is needed to discern a man who would be good for your life. Any woman who bases her life plans on a married man needs to have a strong dose of reality: He isn’t going anywhere. That’s why he’s still married. Stop centering your heart on a relationship that is not going anywhere and do the work of beginning building yourself a new life, one with a future.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): I agree with the other responses. He's married. He can't be "my" man. You said "unfortunately he's married" which means you know its wrong. You're the "other woman" who he's betraying his wife and marriage vows with. Would you want your husband or steady boyfriend to do this to you?
Do the decent thing and tell him to get lost. If you do that you can then at least feel that YOU ended it, and stopped participating in his cheating on his wife.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): You have to consider the possibility that he's met another woman. Why would this man be faithful to you when he hasn't been faithful to his wife? He's a cheater, and so are you. If you continue your relationship with him, you're no better than he is, and can expect no less than him cheating on you eventually as well. There are so many single men in this world, why mess with one that belongs to another woman?
Gain some self respect and dignity and start doing to others as you would have them do unto you. You're being selfish and thinking only of yourself by being with this man. He obviously only thinks of himself, so move on and start living life as an honest woman with high moral standards. You'll find the right man for you once you change the way you think and act.
Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (14 July 2006):
 This is about extra sex to him at the end of the day - he snaps his fingers when he is in the mood and you run to him at his convenience. You have to develop more self esteem to not allow yourself to be used, and to find someone single who treats you with respect. He has to be a cold person because he is cheating on his wife with you, and is therefore probably cold across the board with every person he is involved with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006):
He is married. It is not for you to worry about why he might be cold towards you.
As hard as it might be, and despite whatever he has told you about his marriage ("my wife doesn't understand me") you need to put him and his wife before your own needs.
Yes, that means stop "seeing" this man.
Picture this little thought experiment; you're married to a man who is seeing another women who comes on the Internet and writes what you have written. How does it make you feel? I bet you wouldn't want to be his wife would you?
I'm not going to give you any advice on why he is acting cold, you can't seriously expect to fulfil the role of girlfriend, or lover, when you are nothing more than the other women.
The fact he is married should be enough reason for any self-respecting, decent, honest and respectable person to STAY AWAY.
Find yourself a single man, one whom you can be there for, without having to share, and one where you don't risk ruining a marrage, a possible family AND breaking the hearts of numerous people. You're worth more than being the other women, you just need to see that.
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