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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with a guy for a year. We moved really fast. We moved in together within 3 months of dating. It was for convenience. He got laid off for the winter. His job is seasonal. I paid for eveything. This caused a lot of stress. We fought a lot. He went back to work. Just recently we broke up. He said I was pushing him and I was. He said he told me not to and I did. I said very mean hurtful things, as did he. Now we have 3 months left to the lease. It is totally the movie The Break Up. I tried to smooth things out. I wanted us to wipe the slate clean. He said no. I have tried to do nice gf things to show him we can do this. I have been trying to show him we can make this work. He is not budging. Should I give up or is there something I can do? Should I go out on a date? Is there anything I can do to get him to see things differently and not to give up on us so easily?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (8 July 2006):
 YOu cannot control how someone else feels or behaves. It sounds like your relationship has been under huge financial stress. If he is not paying his way then he is not giving respect to your relationship, or you. You shouldn't carry him unless there is light at the end of the tunnel, as you will just end up feeling bitter. If the relationship isn't working out then that is unfortunate and a reality that many of us face in our lives. However, if he is using the relationship break down as an 'excuse' for not paying his way on the lease or on the bills then you need to get tough as you are being used and should take legal action to recover your costs. Perhaps the only thing to learn from this situation is not to rush into living together in the future because it pays financially and emotionally to spend time getting to know someone - faults and all.
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