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female
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anonymous
writes: To make this short and sweet we have been married for two years we don’t own a house he won’t kids I cant have kids without fertility drugs I feel sick when I take them. His mother lives with use she was going to move out a year ago but she has no plans on moving now that she’s got it so good, her and I fight at least once a week we hate each other and he doesn’t care he wont do anything he's a lazy prick I hate him and I wont out of the marriage but he scars me he’s never lade a hand on me he sead he would never do that but thing happen he has 4 big guns in the house and him and his mom are always talking about killing people that did them wrong and how they could get away with it.He doesn’t pay bills I do I pay the mortgage and spend about 4 to $500.00 in food a month in the last month I have bought 10 bag of milk, I do everything he dose nothing he spends all his money then starts on mine when my money is all gone he starts borrowing from people I cant handle it any more and I have tried to talk to him but he thinks im just being a bitch. I’m sick of crying being depress all the time I just won’t out and I don’t know how to do it.Can you help me please? Im sorry its so lone!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): My mother in law istaying with us. She is always there, we just bought a new house and I thought this is a great time for us to improve our marriage, no, she had to come with us. Everything her mother wants she does right away, but if I need help or someone to talk to, etc, by the way sex is out of the question she's 5 feet away, she tell's me she tired or maybe when her mom goes to bed. I feel her mother is being very selfish when we are in our prime to enjoy our marriage. Her two son's are extremmely happy, she has a free nuring home, andthey do nothing. Thanks for letting me vent.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): Can you tell him you want to set a time and date for your mother-in-law to move out? Would she? I rather doubt it. Would he be willing to back you up in having her move? Again, it doesn't sound likely. Would he be willing to go to marriage counseling with you? Again, it sounds unlikely. IF he IS willing to do these things, and is utterly sincere about it, in your judgment, you might have a chance for happiness with him.
Still, you can TRY mentioning this to him. If his response is "No" then why would you want to stay with him?
You say you're tired of being scared and depressed and him thinking you're just complaining. If he and his mother are talking about owning guns, and how they could kill someone who wronged them and get away with it - It sounds to me like a dangerous situation and you should take it seriously. Don't want to alarm you, but this is a BIG red flag. You don't have to put up with this kind of intimidation.
What about your own family? Are they close? Will they back you up if you decide to leave? If you do, I'd say talk to a lawyer, or a counsellor first - don't tell your husband or mother-in-law you're thinking of leaving - and then quietly go about making plans to separate and find someplace else to live.
If he seriously threatens you, get to a women's shelter. And talk to the police about a restraining order. Please be careful! You are under no obligation to remain in a marriage that is so unhappy and where you are treated with no respect or consideration! ONLY IF your husband will cooperate with you in making things better, and getting his mother to leave. However, that's a big "IF" by the sound of it. YOU are the best judge as to whether your marriage is worth trying to save!
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): I think you need to remember why you married him. What was going on and what was said at that time? Were promises made and were they upheld?
Was it in fact discussed how long your mother in law would be staying and did you in fact express how you felt about it and did you make clear what you are willing to expect?
I don't think there is nothing wrong in taking him out for dinner and asking if he can listen to you for ten minutes? Him and not Mom in Law.
Ask him please as this is important. Everyday and every moment with him is important to you. Tell him you love him and that you are hurting. It wouldn't hurt so bloody much if you didn't love him so bloody much.
If he starts acting defensive then say, when you are willing to hear me, I will be here waiting. Then tell him that in the state you are in; it may not be so long. Tell him you want to love him and continue to love you til we are old. Tell him that you do not think you can do that if it means having your mother in law staying with for much longer. Tell him that you are willing to work out something with his mother but having her stay any longer than three months in not an option for you.
Tell him that this needs to be done firstly in the hopes of saving our marriage.
Does he want to save the marriage? Does he want to grow old with you?
Tell him you want truth. You have to be willing to hear the truth. If he tells you no, then you ask him again if that is truth or is that him trying to hurt you as he may be hurt to realize that you are at your tether's end and are comtemplating ending the marriage for your own peace and happiness.
Tell him again that you believe and hope that you can have that peace and happiness with him and that is what you want FIRST.
I'd lay it out on the line.
Just be willing to act on all you have to say.
In the end, it takes two to make a marriage and one to end it.
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female
reader, dr.lenise +, writes (10 July 2006):
you need to get that mother in law and let her know exactly how you feel tell her it is past time for her to move out also tell your sorry husband because that is exactly what he is you are tired of being the only one doing whats needed to be did to keep the house in order when yet they are being sorry asses doing nothing honey don't let depression get you down prayer changes thing tell that devil he is a lie every and any time him or his mom want to get some shit started telling satan get the behide me in the name of jesus just call on the lord honey because he too can kill and get away with it. and when they start talking about those guns don't even let them know it gets to you when you feel depressed honey get your bible and read it and if you are sincere you will feel a whole lot better i can't tell you to leave him you will have to ask god for the right path for he only can send you the right way i hope this help
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (10 July 2006):
 Lots of people threaten to kill people in the heat of the moment but they never really would. If you think he is at risk of being abusive then get out of the house and get the police involved. You sound financially ok and not dependent on his income so you have an advantage over many women contemplating leaving a marriage. You can of course complain about him until your old age and never do anything. Or, you can take action to get him to respect you and your needs. A trial separation may make him wake up to what he is losing, or may make you view the situation differently or may lead to a divorce. If you are that unhappy then surely the single life isnt a bad prospect? Normally I would say get marital counselling before leaving but it sounds to me like there are so many different issues going on in your marriage - the in-law, the money, health problems, his attitude that you maybe better off on your own if he contributes nothing to your relationship. No point in complaining about him and not taking any action to stand up for yourself though.
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