Does he deserve to be forgiven?

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Dear advisors, this is my situation. me and my ex bf were perfectly happy together and i loved him very much and i felt that he did too. at that point we had been going out for one year. he is 26 and i am 21 years old. and at that time we both went to same uni and were on same course and that is how he met. anyway during summer holiday, he decided to go on a holiday to thailand. he had been to thailand before he met me and had splet with two thai women during his holidays. but now he said he has gf and he wouldnt do stuff like that. he promised me that he wont get drunk and he will not cheat or do anything bad before he went on a holiday. i trusted him enough to let him go because relationships are made on trust right. but whenever i asked him if i can come to thailand with him he said its not place for a lady and he is not going to take me to thailand with him. he is the man who had slept with 14 women before he met me. these facts made me little conecerned but i still agree on him going to thailand because i trusted him. he texted me on first day saying he is in bangkok and at the same night i had a dream that he was with asian women and i was standing there looking at them with tearful eyes. next morning i decided to text him saying if everything is ok. i didnt told him what the dream was but just asked if everything is ok. he sent me a txt saying dnt worry iam not getting drunk and i wont do anything bad. after two weeks when he came bk, next day was my 21st birthday and on my birthday he said to me that he was so drunk that he had blackout and when he wokr up in the morining there was a slut sleeping next to him and that he has std now gonnorhea and might have hiv and said he didnt mean to get drunk and that he loves me and how sorry he is and all and that he made the biggest mistake of his life. beleieving on what he said i said ok thats fine everyone makes mistake and i forgived him. but however, after couple of weeks he tells me that he slept with another women with intention on a same holiday after the couple of days of first cheating. he said he did it bcz he thought we wont be together anymore and we will break up anyway. at that point i was shattared. i seemed lost. the person i trusted so much decided to do these things to me and all his promises were fake. he begged me and said sorry and how much he loved me and that he made mistakes and wont do it again and wont leave his gf, which ofcourse sounds unrealistic.he emotionally blackmailed me saying he wont go to uni and wont study if i dnt forgive him and stay with him because he knew i cared abt him doing something in his life and becoming someone bcz i was the one encouraging him all the time. i forgived him again. however, months passed and after the last work we did for uni he said he doesnt want to be with me anymore, i said fine but again he said i will have to tell him what topic will come in exam and that i will have to give him this last gift. me wanting him to do something with his life bcz of the fact that he doesnt have jobs, he doesnt like many people and lives with his mum and his friends gf doesnt like him i wanted him to do something in his life so i told him exam topics. after exams he said to me that he doesnt fancy me anymore or like me and doesnt want to be with me. i knew that before he said that he had already started talking to women from philipines because i saw her comment on his fb pic even they were not frens on fb. he said he will go to philipines and he went there. he did hit me and told me to fuck off in front of his housemates without any reason. i guess its bcz of other womens influene and after that i never went to his house neither contacted him. after a month i got job and everything got a gd results. he decided to send me message on fb. we r not even friends on fb. he said that he had a dream that i have been very busy working and that if it is true and that he is very sorry that he hurt me and it makes him feel sick. after a week i replied bk saying yep i have been working, how r u? and he replied bk saying he failed his course and that he will have to resit and how was my results and where iam and someone stole his passport and phone. i replied back saying ok i hope everyhting is ok. and than i decided to check that philipino women's fb and i saw their recent pictures together in it. so i thought no, this person doesnt deserves my forgiveness. i forgived him lots of time. and i cant keep on forgiving him again and again and again and again. iam a human and i have a heart too and it hurts too. dnt treat me like iam a stone. so i decided to tell him iam not sorry that u left iam just sorry that u lied to me all the time. he said why cant u just accept an apology. i replied bk saying this must be the women ur seeing, iam very busy with work at the moment and will be going on holiday soon. i prefer not to be disturbed so iam deactivating my fb but iam going to block him from everything in couple of days time. yeah bcz of me he sarted to drink less, got his degree when he always ended up giving up in his life, i always enouraged him, he gave uo smoking and he knew a bit abt how to respect a women bcz at the begining he was worse as he said to me he slept with all those women but never had proper gf and iam the first proper gf he had and he though being with someone nice like me would change him but he cannot change and doesnt want to bcz he doesnt love me anymore. well i was like ok. ofcourse it hurts but what can i do. iam happy that he passed all his courses that iam in with him but unfortunately failed the one which i wasnt with him in. but hopefully he will pass in his resits. and he was the guy who was very abusive, hit me once and i never went to his house and never ever respected me but just took advantage of me. yeah i was soft and nice and i now realise that maybe i was weak and this expereince taught me to be stronger bcz after all this happened i concentarted more in my studies and was more ambitiuos abt doing something and now i have a good job and almost everything that i want. but unsure if i should or can ever forgive this guy. i need ur advice please. many thanks and love.

View related questions: drunk, hiv , my ex, on holiday, std, text

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