A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi! Last night I told my estranged father I'm getting married in the Fall. He threw a fit and said if I do he will disinherit me and we won't talk anymore. When I asked him why he said that if we got divorced I'd have to support him financially beacuse I'm richer than my fiancé. Such is the law in my country. Anyway, I love this guy to bits but there is no way I can have a pre-nup since it's not legally possible to have one in my country. But this is a risk I'd run with any guy I could possibly marry- I'm not "rich", it's just that my mom died and she left me two houses, so that makes me legally "richer" than anyone with just a job and no house. Anyway, my dad said he also doesn't like my fiancé because he heard somewhere that soon after he graduated he was a bit of a slacker which is true... but not anymore since he has a great job now. My evil dad said if I marry the guy he will disinherit me because he doesn't want me to spend his money with my fiancé when he's dead. My dad is a truly awful person, yet it hurts to disappoint him. Anyway, I talked to my lovely soon-to-be- mother in law who said: "Well, if you marry my son you might lose your dad, but you will gain a husband and his family who will always be ready to support you". So, the question is: does my dad have a point? or is he being his usual paranoid self-centered self? Shall I go ahead with the marriage and be disinherited or shall I listen to him and not marry my fiancé?
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divorce, fiance, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (31 July 2012):
see it from both sides of the fence, but whatever you do dont cut yourself off from your dad over this. my brother didnt speak to our father for over 6 years before he died and he has some amount of guilt for not getting to say goodbye and for not making peace.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Your dad does have a point. But so do you. You always run a risk of divorce with ANY guy you choose to marry. You need to use your own judgement when choosing a husband though. You know your fiancee best, not your father. But be critical, don't be romantic. If there are problems then wait with marrying until you know for sure. If you believe your boyfriend is the one you want to marry, all things considered, then you should do it. If your father refuses to talk to you then that's his loss. Your father does what he chooses to do. It's not your fault if your father chooses to not speak to you, that will be your fathers own fault.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 ImmortalPrincess is right, you have more to gain by marrying the man you love rather than doing as your dad tells you. Love is more important than money, and if both you and your fiance have good jobs then you can build a good life of your own where you are financially stable, you dont need your dad's money to have a good life.
It sounds like your relationship with your father is already damaged, and he doesnt actually have a problem with your fiance, it is simply the idea of getting married at all because no matter who you married you would still have your money and would still have to support your husband. The chances of you meeting and falling in love with a man wealthier than you are is very slim, so ignore your dad and be happy with the man you love.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Your fiance's mother is correct. Let your father know if it comes to a choice between marrying the man you love or your father's money when he is dead you'll take the marriage and he can do whatever he wants with his money.
Don't cut yourself off from your father, just let him know you still care about him but you are not going to throw away the chance of happiness now when he wants you to be miserable for the next 40 or 50 years waiting for him to die. Money isn't everything!
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 In my opinion, your dad does not have a point. You can't place money above love and come out a winner.
Your fiancés mother is right. you will be gaining a husband you love, and who loves you, and his family. I get the impression you and your father are not very close. If this is true, then you would be gaining far more then you're loosing. And who knows. in time your father could have a change of heart.
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