A
male
age
30-35,
*resario2010
writes:How should a man treat a women now a days, anyways? We se so many shows and have so many social pressures, both on men and women, but mostly on women. Also though i think it's difficult to get to know someone, becuase of that persons past, with relationships. You never know what kinda person you are dealing with, i think in both parties. So i think that it's difficult to say, because some women like bad boys, other like nice boys, i think dating is difficult and i see so many relationships last only a few weeks and i think with today you never now, what to expect. Well i would like to know how would i get to know a girl, better sending flowers, writting a poem, songs etc, this used to be the norm of the past knowadays your in a relationship without knowing you are in one, it's difficult to know were you stand, no wonder america has such a high divorce rate, i think people need to chech themselves and be real, i will admit that i have done things in a relationship in the past because of tv or what other people said, or even worse form a past relationship. What do you guys think is wrong with today's dating scene???
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Flowers and love songs are for when you are already in a relationship. Not for when you want to meet a girl. You got to use your logic on this one. You're not getting to know a girl by sending her flowers. If you want to get to know her you need to talk to her, take her out to do things with you. Communicate and learn to know each other through activities together.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (31 July 2012):
 You need to just be genuine. That's all there is to it. I dated guys who did everything right, but I could tell it was a show and it never worked out. Then I met someone who did everything wrong but I could tell he was very genuine and there was just this spectacular chemistry. There is no formula for meeting someone. You just have to go for it, be yourself, and see if you're compatible. If you're putting on a show to get someone, it will fall apart eventually anyways. It's better to be alone for awhile than to be with the wrong person. In the end if you're not compatible, there is nothing in the world that will make you two stick together.
By genuine I don't mean don't court her or be nice or do sweet gestures. I mean don't do something because you think you should, only do something because it strikes a chord with you personally. So if you see something in a movie and think, "that's brilliant!" that's perfectly OK to personalize and use. But if you go through and list "what things do girls like" and do them systematically, it's fake and unappealing. For instance flowers are clichéd. But if you know there's some special flower she's mentioned loving and you do something what that, that can be very sweet. Before doing a gesture, think, am I doing this because I want her to be happy or am I doing this because I am hoping by doing this I will receive affection? If the former, it's a good idea. If the latter, it's bad. Spending time to let her know you care is good, but only if it's real and not manufactured to receive affection.
Love letters are useless if they don't come from the heart. My boyfriend sends me handwritten letters and they mean so much because they aren't full of poetry or clichéd lines, they are just real. Sometimes they're funny, sometimes they're personal, but they're always from the heart. They're meant for ME from HIM, not for "generic woman" from "generic man." He doesn't send them because he hopes it will make me love him more, he sends them because he wants to and he wants to make me happy (and I do the same for him). I don't remember presents he's bought me or money he's spent on me. I remember him taking me for long walks through cities and showing me things, I remember the things he learned just so he could talk to me about them.
It's very simple. Dating is hard and always has been. There is no formula for compatibility. You will work together or you won't, but you can't force it. The only cliché that can help you here is that money can't buy love. You just have to put yourself out there and hope it works out. Most of the time it won't, but that one time it does makes it all worth it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): OP I think the biggest problem with dating these days is how many people prefer to remain cynical about it and somehow think things were easier in the past.
Bullshit, it couldn't be more easy to find a partner.
For the record OP chivalry was and is a bullshit concept. It comes from the days when men held the power, women went from living with their parents, to finding a husband and moving into the marital home, with nothing in between. Of course the man had to "treat" the lady, she had no job, no independence and no money of her own, and was duty bound to find a man and raise a family. That's all different now but both men and women haven't adapted fully yet, a lot of men and women still think money is the most important factor and that relationships should be bought, most women still think being single is a horrible cures and they're incomplete without a man.
As I said earlier cynicism is the enemy of romance.
Your problem is that you think too much about social pressures, what you should and shouldn't do, how you should and shouldn't go about it and either forget or don't understand that none of that matters. All that matters are that you are attracted to the girl and you get on well. That's it. Nothing else matters a damn. If there's mutual attraction, you enjoy your time together then the rest just comes naturally. You sound like you want to know certain actions that will work, certain things you can do to seal the deal and think that buying gifts, giving compliments and stuff made things easier, it doesn't because you win a girls heart by being yourself, having fun and pursuing her.
Today's technology makes it far easier to get to know a person. You can add them on Facebook, see their likes and dislikes in terms of movies, music, social activities, what kind of personality they have from their statuses, comments, you can tell whether they're outgoing from their photos or whether they're jokers, or whether they're drama queens or emo's. Mobile phones mean you can contact them any time to just meet up, or have text conversations about your day. Google their name and you can see all kinds of online profiles and you can vet a girl before you even have a date.
OP any guy or girl who thinks dating is hard is a fool in my opinion, no offence. We've been doing this since our species first emerged, every type of person can and has found love or a partner and will continue to do so.
There are no tricks, there are no techniques the only thing you need to understand is that you just have to be out there doing it. Don't listen to friends or strangers about what you're supposed to do, just get out there and learn what works for you. The only one thing I can tell you and this is important, forget what women want, forget thinking what type they are. The only thing you need to worry about is what you want and whether this girl is good for you, don't be one of these idiots that tries to read women and adapt his technique to suit that type of girl. You want a girl who is made for you, not just any girl you can get.
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A
male
reader, Presario2010 +, writes (31 July 2012):
Presario2010 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with all the post, you really never really tell what to do when your dating a person, you might get the romantic type that likes picnics on the beach, the casual love letter, then you might get the shy type, that likes the subtle things, the crazy person, that marry's you in vegas etc. you never know even if you listen to a person, words are words not action, and i agree with today's technology it's impossible to get to know someone and i think in the future it will be more difficult to find someone, know a days people are more in love with lust, and what i can get from a relationship, i guess chivalry has died, along time ago, and what remains is confusion, but i still think that we still have a chance, you hear so many stupid quotes, like all is fair in war on love, etc etc, i dont know is it me, but i like to be genuine with a girls, but then again girls now a days are dating guys left and right and guys are also doing this, i hear this quote many times, well you should date SEVERAL girls or you should date several boys, whats wrong with this i find is that if your dating several people, it's like test driving lot's of cars in the end you will choose the most flashy car not the one that you NEED, i think it's difficult, Has anyone ever seen any people today that are married and seem to be happy?
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 you should treat a woman with respect and listen and observe what she wants and expects. they are all different. don't get too close to quick. its considered a bit creepy. get to know her and find out what she wants. maybe she wants you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): The average woman will like you for treating her like a queen. But it will not make her want you sexually.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (31 July 2012):
 I would say that you should be careful with over-the-top romance displays. A lot of women can really get skeeved out by them, especially if you do things like this early in the relationship. Save those kinds of displays for your future wife, who will really appreciate them, and just be yourself around women. Be calm and relaxed, treat them like people...respectfully. Women these days can be cautious when it comes to relationships, rightly so with how many terrible heartbreaks they can suffer from. So remember this, and be honest to a fault with what you can offer and what you want. I think if you can do these things, you'll be fine.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 Despite bad media I have to say I love your country. I lived there and I loved its spirit. I won't use shows like 16 and pregnant, jershey shore, the bachelor and any other show that promotes shallowness as a representation of today's dating scene. Bad news sell and that's what it is. They are shows that boosts people's ego, into thinking that they are better than them. People divorce more because they won't put up with shit like generations ago. Also don't use society as a definition of normal. Society only cares about you doing the right thing so you will contribute to the GDP and keep the world going round. It does not care whether you are happy. Do not use society as a model of happiness. Normal does not necessarily mean sane. When you look at the Hutterite colony people don't date. If you are serious about a girl you marry her, end of story. They can't imagine a life outside of marriage and family. In big cities where there's a segragation and little sense of community and housewives don't get enough support, people are waking up to the fact that marriage does not really make them happy, while there are enough people around who are happy just dating and having casual sex. People are thinking, what's the whole point of relationships when you get married, have kids and then break up.
A reason why men won't commit in relationships is because of money. 50 years ago when people graduate high school, they were able to hold part time jobs, save enough money then buy a house and settle down. Everything was simple. Right now, people can't afford college, except for the minority rich which are becoming more and more minority. Most young men make under 35,000. That's barely enough to support only themselves. For them, with debts piling up, a marriage is definitely not a wise investment especially when divorce rate is high.
You would say it makes sense to be single before you make enough money. Are people willing to be celibate though, after suppressing their desires for so long only to be told that they still don't have enough money for love? People say to hell with marriage, let's get some instant gratification now.
Your question is how a man should treat a woman. Same as before, but only when you find out she is the woman who deserves the princess treatment, a woman who won't let negative experiences bring her down as baggage and who chooses to be open to love anyway.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 HI
What is wrong with today is that there is too much technology. No one writes a letter any more, no one goes to visit as much, people would much rather phone/text/email/tweet/fb etc. With this people forget how to good old fashion woo a person. I love poems, but some may say that is pansy ( I dont care what people think in regards to my likes or dislikes) Flowers are beautiful, chocolates ( only if i workout after) lol, so many people are different, the only way you will know what a girl wants is by woo'ing her, she will let you know, and you will both feel the chemistry. Never judge a book by it's cover is such a true saying, just follow your gut intincts . I personally love a man who can make me laugh till i cry, a happy woman is a happy relationship.
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 I don't think there is anything wrong with it, at the end of the day there is always going to be human error when someone is picking a partner, and this just cannot be helped. I think the best way to deal with things is to take things slow and get to know a potential partner well before getting involved in a relationship. Yes there are relationships that fail after a couple of weeks or even after many of years. But this happens, it doesn't just happen now it happened years ago as well, maybe just not as frequent as a lot of people never believed in divorce or separation and just decided to put up with the hands that they where dealt with.
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