A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well I'm mainly just wondering if I should be telling my girlfriend sorry? Or expressing my draining trust in her? The problem emerged quite recently when she told me that she didn't like talking about sex and that she wanted to wait longer for it. I'm not worried about that, i'm more than happy waiting for her. My issue is that she started talking about it with in just a few day's of us dating so it came to be a casual conversation topic and she would generally assure me that she would satisfy me and such when she got home from vacation and such. It wasn't the only thing I liked but admit ably, it was nice. We did other various thing's revolving around sex just for fun but then she just told me that she never liked doing them and that she just did them to make me happy. Now while I appreciate her effort to make me happy, I'm not very happy with the idea that it was all fake and it makes me wonder... What else is she doing/saying just to make me happy? Am I wrong for thinking that way? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janice201149 +, writes (2 August 2012):
 this is normal to be felt by Girls, If you keep taking about sex to her, she might felt or think you're just using her because of LUST and not because of love, Explore Everything, let her feel that she is your PRINCESS, don't let her to feel that she's just being used, I know sex is normal to Boys, but in girls, it is precious that they must keep and be shared to some one that they really love and the one that really Loves them too.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 "The very idea of making you happy is enough for her to enjoy doing something she actually doesn't like doing. She doesn't deserve to be criticized for that."
If only that had been true.. But she didn't like it! That's the entire point. Doing it to make him happy DIDN'T make her happy. If it made her happy she'd continue to do it, and happily so. Instead she's now confessed that she NEVER liked it. Making him happy did not make her happy.
Sitting through a romantic comedy for guys is comparable to girls watching a soccer game. Sure, we can do it for the guy we love. We're probably not going to like it. But when it comes to sex, is that really an area where you'd want things to be like that? Personally I'd get turned off if I was told my boyfriend didn't like this or that, or sex with me in general. I wouldn't want him to do it then, if he couldn't enjoy it in any way. And I don't want to go without certain parts of sex either. So the better option for me, and for him too, would be to end the relationship and find someone we are sexually compatible with.
Sex to me is important in a relationship. I can go without a romantic movie, and I can sit through a soccer game. But not getting sex on a regular basis, and knowing that my partner doesn't even LIKE having sex with me? That to me is a deal breaker.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): It wasn't fake OP, there are a hell of a lot of women out there that don't like giving hand/blow jobs but the fact she's willing to do so to make you happy is what counts. A lot just won't bother at all.
OP do you like shopping for girls shoes or dresses? Do you like sitting there with a group of girls listening to them bitch about other girls or talk about shopping? Do you like watching soap operas or listening to Justin Beiber or other such rich slimebag singing about love? Do you like watching soppy romance movies about some brooding ripped body prick who is finally turned into a loving gentleman by the love of a woman? Do you like having a text conversation solely about how some bitch said something to this other bitch and now there's drama and your girlfriend wants to tell you all of it?
I certainly don't but I do them, why? Because it makes my girl happy, is there something fake, uncaring and unloving about doing things for your partner that you don't like? No OP, it's a sign of true respect and affection that you would sacrifice your own comfort to please them.
I'll sit through twilight and do my best not to openly criticize every scene and sigh every five minutes and even though I'd rather slash my eyeballs with a razor than have to sit there and watch some sparkling, vegetarian vampire gimp with a questionable sexuality romance a bland, droopy-eyed, less than average looking girl with dull monotone voice, I will sit there and I will be there with my girl while she gets wrapped up in what she views as a beautiful fantasy and I will caress her and feed those emotions as best I can to enhance her experience.
Tell me what's wrong with that? How is wanting your partner to be satisfied and happy fake? How is any of that a reason not to trust her?
Yeah OP, you're panicking and freaking out for no reason. You do know chances are she's the kind of girl who will never orgasm during sex too right? You understand most women don't no matter what us guys do, are you going to get upset at her for that too?
As long as she's willing to do this for you then you really shouldn't complain. She doesn't have to enjoy doing something to enjoy making you happy if you know what I mean. The very idea of making you happy is enough for her to enjoy doing something she actually doesn't like doing. She doesn't deserve to be criticized for that.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (30 July 2012):
 I wouldn't be sorry, but this would definitely give me something to think about. It looks like she really wants to please you. That is good. The bad thing is, she doesn't have enough self-respect to say "no" if she's uncomfortable with it. Maybe she thinks this is just what girls are supposed to do.
I would be concerned that she doesn't like sex, so I would ask her which part of it she didn't like, or if she didn't like everything about it. I would want to know. I agree that she doesn't have to have sex right away, but if she doesn't enjoy messing around with you, that is something you need to think about.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): Sorry, OP, but in my experience I'd say get out now. While some people say sex is not an important part of a relationship, most of them say this when they are getting SOME and would think quite differently if they weren't getting ANY.
Sex is about intimacy and intimacy is a vital part in the vast majority of relationships. Your girlfriend sounds exactly like my last ex. We had sex very early on and I really liked her and ignored the warning signs. Early on I tried to give her oral - which I love doing - and she stopped me before I even started, telling me she didn't like it. This also meant she never gave me oral.
I thought I'd live with it, as we were having penetrative sex. Once I'd fallen in love and moved in, things changed. Frequency of sex dropped right off. She was always too tired to have sex at night and it always had to be a Saturday or Sunday morning (not even weekend evenings). I tried everything possible to improve things. She declared she had a low sex drive and really wasn't interested in sex at all.
We had intermittent and - for me - not terribly satisfying sex life for 5 years. By year 5 it was once every 3 or 4 months if I was lucky. Then it stopped. I stayed for another 3 years. I wish I hadn't. I wasted some of the best years of my life, when I was in my late-20s and early-30s when I should have been having a satisfying sex life which created intimacy and deepening love.
After a while, when the person you lie in bed next to doesn't want to touch you, other than kiss, but tells you they love you, it destroys you. You feel totally unloved.
Please, get out now. Spare yourself a lot of pain and heartbreak.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 July 2012):
I'd be worried. She obviously isn't comfortable with telling you the truth. How old is she? If she is your age I'd be worried. Being a grown up she should be able to express herself without doing things just to please you and then fake it.
I'd also worry if you are compatible. You say you don't mind waiting, but you'll not be waiting. By the sound of it, she's not interested in sex, period. She doesn't like talking about it, she doesn't like doing sexual things, and she wants to postpone sex as long as possible because she doesn't enjoy sex. "Waiting" in this respect means.. that you will sit and not get sex, other than occasionally, and she will probably not be into it. Her asking you to wait is just another way of saying "sex isn't going to happen anytime soon, and it doesn't really interest me in general".
She did sexual things with you just to get you on the hook. Now that you are in a more secure relationship she's stopped. Because she doesn't enjoy sex. She doesn't enjoy any aspect of it. And even if you wait, I doubt she'll suddenly become interested.
If you're a person who wants sex in a relationship (and I wouldn't blame you), then this doesn't sound like the right girl for you. I'm all for waiting a while into a relationship before having sex. But I'm interested in sex, I wouldn't lie about liking it if I didn't. Now that she's admitted she doesn't even like what she did.. that doesn't sound promising really.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 You definitely dont have anything to be sorry about - at the end of the day she lied to try and impress you, when she has no intention of ever following through on her promises.
There is nothing worse than empty promises and building a relationship based on lies, so you definitely should express to her how concerned you are about this.
It sounds to me like she is the sort of person that doesnt enjoy sex and never will be particularly interested in the sexual side of a relationship, however she lied to you about the matter to try and impress you and to ensure that you will maintain your interest in her. Girls know that without sex, most men will lose interest after a while, so she is playing on that.
You sound like a great guy if you are willing to wait for her, but I think you might be waiting forever unfortunately. I would ask her outright if she actually enjoys sex and whether sex will ever be a big part of your relationship. If she admits to being a very non-sexual kind of person then you will have to evaluate the relationship and whether or not you can live with a sexless relationship, or whether sex is actually quite important to you.
I know sex isnt everything, but to most people it is important and helps build intimacy, and it doesnt make you a bad or weak person if you come to the conclusion that you cannot live without sex or passion. Even I as a female could not live with a man who only had sex with me once every now and then just to keep me 'happy' - I want passion, desire and intimacy, I want us to both enjoy sex and that is an important part of the relationship to me. If my partner did not share that, then I would know we are not compatible and I would not waste my time with someone who did not share the same values as me.
Talk to her and figure this out - but I would be very concerned about your compatibility if I were you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): You might be over thinking things here. I wouldn't doubt that she loves or wants to be with you unless you have a justified reason to do so.
The sexual things she did for you, she didn't necessarily like doing them, but it doesn't mean she didn't want to do them in order to satisfy you.
Look at it another way, she could have refused point blank to do anything with you if she didn't want to, but she didn't.
My ex girlfriend never used to like giving me oral sex, but she used to do it because she knew I liked it.
Do things that you know she likes sexually, to return the favour and a way of saying thanks, you appreciate her doing the things she did for you even though you know she didn't like it.
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