A
male
age
36-40,
*onystarkben
writes:Thanks for reading, I just don't know where to turn to, so I am asking you lovely people :) I have been with my girlfriend for just over 1 year. Things were really good between us. Very early on into the relationship, we did have a bump in the road - She got very drunk at a party and slept with someone. It was hard but I forgave her and we got back on track. A few weeks ago I went with my friend to a bar to meet some other people and there was a girl there. She liked me but I wasn't interested. People were taking photos and she leaned in and I kissed her on the lips for the camera - not a proper kiss. This girl kept hounding me but in the end I told her I wasn't interested. I got a call from my girlfriend at 3am the other night and this girl had found her on facebook and sent her the photo and all sorts of messages, saying we had slept together and done all kinds of stuff. I keep telling my girlfriend that it was only a kiss and nothing more but she won't believe me. I told her that this girl is obviously saying stuff to make me look bad and I messed up and I am sorry. We have broken up and now everyone has turned their back on me. We had a bunch of mutual friends and they now don't talk to me or took me off facebook or sent me messages saying what a @@@@ I am. I just find it ironic as some of these friends knew about what happened before and that I forgave her, yet with this, i'm public enemy number one. I just don't know what to do. She is coming over tonight to get her stuff and we had a holiday booked and paid for in 3 months to Florida. I just don't see why I can't be forgiven when I forgave her for something much worse and I'm upset how bad everyone sees me. I just don't know what to do. thanks for reading.
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, drunk, facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (13 June 2013):
Just move on. Don't make a fool out of yourself and ask for anything from her. Consider yourself lucky that you aren't with a woman that will cheat just because she's drunk.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 June 2013):
 "I just find it ironic as some of these friends knew about what happened before and that I forgave her, yet with this, i'm public enemy number one."
Come on, you know just as well as everyone that just because you decided to forgive, doesn't give you a free card to betray. That's really childish. It's not ironic at all, it's childish to think your girlfriend somehow "owes" it to forgive you. You forgave, you didn't trade favours... Supposedly you forgive out of your own heart and will. If you did it only to later reclaim a favour and get a green card to cheat, then that puts it in an etirely different category: manipulation. Cold hearted manipulation.
If you forgave her back then then that's on you. Sorry, no freebies to cheat later on. And no guarantee that she wont cheat again. Seriously, next time someone cheats you END the relationship. And if you ever feel inclined to cheat again yourself, END the relationship first.
No wonder your girlfriend doesn't believe you or trust you... She KNOWS that some people cheat, because she herself is a cheater. No one is as low on trust as the ones who betray others themselves.... Really. The fact that she doesn't believe you is a big hint that she's been cheating on you. Maybe not just that one time in the beginning, maybe again later on. Why else is she so suspicious...?
My guess is your girlfriend has cheated on you herself, and more times than just that first time. And now she thinks you're doing the same to her, so she's getting out. Even if you really just gave that girl a peck, your girlfriend wont believe you because she thinks everyone is like herself: cheating and having full intercourse with others. If she WASN'T a cheater herself then she probably would believe you. I mean it's suspicious that she chooses to believe some stranger that found her on facebook, rather than believe her own boyfriend... It speaks of a lack of trust, and perhaps some skeletons in her own closet.
You're better off without her. Find someone who is loyal and treats you right and who you have a good relationship with. Don't cling to a relationship that was built on lies and betrayal.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 June 2013):
 I should state the obvious here -
If she's cheating on you early in the relationship, and you're mouth-kissing other women for the cameras, then why aren't you concluding that neither of you are right for each other?
I know for sure that there has never been a time where I'd kiss someone else on the mouth in the interest of a picture. That's absurd!
I also know that her sleeping with someone else is ridiculous. Apparently, you didn't forgive her if you're counting it as "I get to do this, so we should be even".
What should you do? I think you should let the breakup stand and move on with someone, so that you're not playing "how many times we get to be disloyal" to each other.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (12 June 2013):
Her complaining about your kiss is like Joan Rivers complaining about her husbands plastic surgery.
She slept with someone. IMO she doesnt have a leg to stand on.
As far as the relationship - lets take a tally -
1) She is a cheater
2) She has double standards.
So, what should you do? Jump for joy that you are away from her and arent wasting another minute of your life with someone like that. There are a lot of great women out there, she sure doesnt sound like one of them. My advice to you is let he be someone else's problem and go find one of the great ones....
...............................
|
