A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I apologize in advance if this gets to be too gross or weird. It is for me but I figured some answers might be helpful since past posts have always been. My boyfriend has tried anal sex a few times but I've always stopped him immediately because it hurts so much. I'm talking really sharp, stabbing pain that makes me feel dizzy after. I don't know what the problem is because I never felt any pain with my ex-boyfriend (I'm assuming because his member was smaller than my current boyfriend?) Part of me thinks I'm just afraid it might end up being messy and I'd be embarrassed, or maybe we need to use lube? How can I make sure it doesn't get messy and what about that extreme pain I get?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): I assume you have done anal in the past comfortably and your body is (or was) able to handle it.To let your boyfriend in comfortably, you need to be excited and horny. As you said, you are worried about the mess. So yes, that's one reason you don't get relaxed down there.Your guy's size is important too. But more important than that, is if he knows what to do. I guess your ex boyfriend knew more than the new one knows.Try these:- Do it in proper light. Your boyfriend needs to see what he is doing. You can use a study lamp to direct the light on your opening.- Use lube, but too much lube on the outside can cause a bit of difficulty. Lube your inside and his shaft, but leave a tiny spot on the tip of his penis un-lubed. Also dry the outside of your opening. This really helps him point his penis on the right spot without slipping, and go in with the correct angle. Don't worry it won't hurt. As soon as he starts to go in, everything will be lubed and slippery.- Take control. Tell him where to go, when to go, what to do, until he gets it right. - If your boyfriend's size is large, then the doggy position is off the list. Only do missionary or girl on top.- You can't avoid the mess completely. Even if you go to toilet, there will always be residues. If he really wants anal sex, he should expect the mess and be fine with it. And last but not least: If you don't want it, he has to live without it or find another girl. End of the story.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): Dear OP,Just decide whether you'd like to give it another try, the other OPs are right: If it's nothing YOU want to do, don't do it. From my very limited experience with anal play, I can say that anything anal without lube is a very bad idea. You should always use silicone based lube, which is compatible with condoms and doesn't dry out like water-based lube. For the messy part, I use anal showers but other people just go number 2 before they start. IF you would like to try anything anal, there are some instructional books and dvds which cover safety and hygiene etc. issues. I always wanted to read "Anal Pleasure and Health: A guide for men, women and couples" by J. Morin, but I haven't yet, so I can't say if it really covers all the topics that interest you. Anyway, I recommend you browse through amazon.com. IF this is really what you want. You don't have to like it just because it's trendy.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (10 June 2013):
 You need to lube up, hun. Butts don't have natural lubrication like vaginas do. So, lube the inside your anus and on his penis.
Also, push out while he's going in. It makes his entrance a little easier.
It'll be quite uncomfortable until his penis is all the way in there and after a few thrusts. If you're still in pain afterwards, sit on a bag of frozen peas.
You're welcome ;)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 June 2013):
 Yeah, don't do it! You might have anal fissures, and definitely you could lose bowel control and cause permanent damage.
And you NEED lube, and in extremely copious amounts, as if his penis is bowling ball sized!
SEX is supposed to be pleasurable, not agony inducing. If you're suffering to this degree, then you should stop anal and do the thousands of other pleasurable things that will cause you both mutual pleasure. You tried anal already!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 June 2013):
 No lube? are you nuts? The ass do NOT produce any kind of lubrication (unlike the vagina) so NOT using anything is madness.
Also if it hurts so bad that you are about to pass out from pain why the F are you doing it? To please him? Does he enjoy watching you in pain?
I agree with Cerberus, get check out. The level of pain doesn't sound at all normal.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 June 2013):
 If you feel pain then STOP trying to have anal sex! Really! A woman is supposed to enjoy sex as well, you're not just some hole for your boyfriend to put his penis. Now treat yourself with more respect and learn to say no. You're clearly not enjoying this, on the contrary you're in extreme pain. So why the need to continue doing it? Your boyfriend does not have some right to poke your anus. He will just have to live without anal sex, unless he himself wants something up HIS anus.
On the other hand, if anal sex is something you love(d) and really want to have for your own sake: Relax and use a lot of lube. And tell your boyfriend to not move an inch, because you need to do all the moving. He's probably just pressing too hard, in addition to being a bit too big for your comfort. Perhaps he could try to use a toy on you instead, or a finger, to give you pleasure. Remember to go to the bathroom first, clean and get it all out. Then always use a condom, even if he's just going to use his finger on you.
But really, unless anal sex is something YOU really want, then stop it already.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2013): There is nothing you can do to prevent the extreme pain, that's a dangerous sign OP and it may mean there's already damage down there.
You should go get checked to make sure. Pain so bad that you nearly pass out, is a sure sign you're not supposed to keep doing whatever caused that pain.
Now there could be a medical issue so get checked just to be sure. The body is not designed for anal sex, it's extremely easy to damage your arse permanently while doing it.
As for messy, you just make sure your bowels are empty.
OP you may just have to face up to not having anal with this guy and only using buttplugs that are smaller or something if it's something you like to have done.
But first things first, you need to go get checked by a doc. You may have a tear, or a growth who knows? but put anal sex off the menu until you get the all clear. You really don't want any of the number of afflictions that can be caused by permanent damage of that region. Anal sex is not worth that at all.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (10 June 2013):
 You definitely need to use lube and lots of it. I've tried it twice, the first time was uncomfortable but I sort of got used to it and almost enjoyed it. The second time I experienced the horrible, stabbing, feels-like-I'm-being-ripped-apart-from-the-inside kind of pain you describe. I couldn't continue, and I decided then and there that the pain I was feeling was not worth the pleasure my ex was getting from it. I don't know if I'll ever try it again but I feel no pressing need to. Is it something you want, or something he wants? If you can live without it then live without it. I think women should only have anal sex if they genuinely enjoy it and want to do it. Don't be pressured into doing something that hurts you and gives you no pleasure. If it's something you enjoy and want to do, then an enema beforehand could be an idea, get lubed up and as relaxed as you can, take your time and stop if you feel extreme pain.
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