A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love pleasing my wife orally.However, there's often some tissue remnants. just small bits which is really off putting. Blokes, is this common? How do you deal with it in the moment?Ladies, how can I broach this with her? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 September 2013):
 I one other option for you if you can't talk about sex with your wife. Show her that there's tissue down there. Either make sure she sees your face with the little bits of tissue or as you remove them, "accidentally" leave them on her hand or on the sheet where she'll be certain to see them. A simple demonstration of the tissue bits may suffice.
It sounds like you have more to complain about than just some tissue bits, you have a legitimate concern that you can't talk to your wife about lovemaking. A bit sad, isn't it?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 September 2013):
Being told she has a little bit of tissue on her vulva is going to kill her? Really? Is she that sensitive and that shy? How do you even manage oral if she's so freaked out about this type of stuff?
Just tell her, it's honestly not that big a deal. She'd like to know if her skirt was tucked into her panties or if she had broccoli on her teeth, wouldn't she? Tell her you have something along those lines to convey, the next time you encounter the problem. If you do it lovingly and gently, she shouldn't die from the knowledge that there were a few bits of tissue stuck there.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 September 2013):
 You're marred! You should be able to talk about it.
Look at it this way -- would your wife want you to tell her if she were in public and had a piece of food stuck in her teeth? Sure she would!
Likewise, just tell her you love giving oral, but you notice there's some tissue stuck on her "business". Of course she's be mortified, but get rid of the tissue, and it's no harm, no foul. It's not the same as if you were criticizing her body!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have a bidet so we use tissue to clean with after everytime we have a pee.
She's really not comfortable with her body and we never talk about sex. I try to broach the subject in different situations but she never opens up. Think this would totally kill her tbh. We've never showered/bathed together as she would not be up for that :-(
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 June 2013):
 I'm also thinking she washes up before going to bed with you. It's good manners to wash up before you let someone go down there, during the day you accumulate quite a bit of sweat and it'll taste nasty unless washed. When peeing there's not much liquid to dry up, so paper is rarely left behind. However, when plashing water there to wash up in a hurry, and then drying with paper instead of a towel, there's a high probability of paper being left behind.
Just tell her. "Darling, you've got some paper left from when you dried up. Let me get a tissue/handkerchief and remove it".
Simple, easy. It's just your embarrassment that's keeping you back. But if you can stick your head down between her legs, I hardly think you can sit here now and be embarrassed.
You can't have great sex unless there's communication.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 June 2013):
Can't you just tell her that she's leaving little bits behind? She is your wife, after all. Just smile when you mention it, so she knows you are just trying to find a happy solution.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow would I use wipes in the moment?
The remnants are very small and I think they're from when drying after using water to wash
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): I really do not know what to tell you because I am a very clean person, and actually buy the rougher toilet paper or like because all that other "softer" stuff leaves little pieces behind, contrary to the commercials. I did happen to notice it and it's why I changed toilet paper.
It's embarassing, but there is no way around it. It's about as big a turn off as seeing a skid mark in my man's underwear or smelling that he didn't wipe enough after the bathroom. It does not make me want to have sex. You just have to say it kindly, not make a big deal about it and move on. She'll get over it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 May 2013):
Oh definitely shower or use odorless feminine wipes. Toilet paper fragments would be really off-putting.
In her case, you should gently tell her about it, because the alternative would be to stop oral sex and leave her wondering what's going on.
She may be embarrassed at first, but it will only help your relationship in the long run!
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (31 May 2013):
 When you’re in the moment I’d introduce the use of a warm moist flannel washer… It’s more pleasant than a chemical swipe after taste and a bit more of a sensual approach when you think about it!?
Have Fun – CAA
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (31 May 2013):
Yes, it is definitely a big turn-off. Personally I think it could be avoided if she gave a little more attention to the task but I haven't been successful at getting this across to her. We do have a good enough relationship that I can calmly say, "You need to clean up." and she does.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 May 2013):
"Babe, I think it's time to get some new knickers. The ones you are wearing leave little bits of lint on your lovely private bits. I love giving you oral but find the little linty bits distracting."
That will give her the heads up (pun intended) that there are small unwanted bits of fluff around and that she needs to pay attention to them. However they get there, it's healthier all around not to have them there.
Maybe the toilet tissue brand you are using is too soft and squishy? Or a bit too inexpensive so that it just falls apart on contact?
Buy better toilet tissue. There are also mild moist wipes you can buy to clean after using the toilet as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): shower first ...i usually wipe myself before my bf goes down on me..it happend before and now we are just careful.we bath first or i just wipe then we get on it..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): She could use personal wipes. It might be a good idea to allow her to perform personal hygiene before sex. It's always best when everyone has "freshened up" before oral sex.Your problem may be a bit unique. Ladies I know dab-dab from the front, and stroke gently to the back. I can only assume she rubs deeply while still too moist; causing the "bargain" tissue to disintegrate into little pills. They get trapped in the labia. There are feminine products available to keep her clean and to minimize vaginal odor and infections. Yeast can accumulate very easily in such a medium. This can cause infection and irritation if she isn't careful.You can keep pre-moistened feminine wipes on the bed-stand. That way it is easily accessible for both of you.I'll let the ladies take if from here.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2013):
 offer to shower with her before sexual activity and help her wash....
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