A
female
age
30-35,
*eatlesfan
writes:I wasn't sure whether or not to post about my problem but I really need to get it off of my chest and get any advice I can because it's really bothering me.I'm really jealous over this girl and have a lot of hatred towards her. She has stolen away all three guys that I've ever dated, has tried several times to steal my current boyfriend and tries to always flirt with him, she's incredibly mean to me, doesn't like me at all, laughs at me, and a lot of other things.An obvious solution would be to avoid her, well that's just the problem, I can't. Literally all of my close friends are good friends with her, my cousins are friends with her, my parent's are friends with her parents, I can't get a break from her and it's driving me insane. For some reason, I'm the one she has targeted to dislike and I was so nice to her at first but she has always been so mean to me, and I don't understand why, I didn't do anything wrong to her, in fact we've barely talked. The reason I am so jealous of her is because people act like she's the most amazing person ever. My male friends are crazy about her, and she gives guys anything they want, if you know what I mean by that. I've heard her say how easily it is for her to manipulate guys with sex. It seems like everyone prefers her over me. My friends are always ditching me to go be with her. I miss my friends and feel like I'm losing them to her.I must sound crazy, but I have never had such a problem with someone ever like I have with her, it's unhealthy. I know I have a serious problem here but I need help.What should I do? how do I stop feeling so much jealously and hatred?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): You'll be kicking a lot of good friends to the curb; because you're looking for someone to say it's okay to be hateful.I disagree with that. Your friends have a right to like whoever the want. Why should they hate her, if she hasn't done anything to them?You're mad because your boyfriends doesn't want to stick around. Maybe you should spend more of your time trying to figure that out. Ask your friends what they think about that. Would you really end your friendship with everyone; because they don't agree with you about one girl? One girl???!!! Really, no one has all that power over you, unless you give it to them. That's what you do by hating her and being jealous.Does that make any sense? I think you're really a better person than that.Friends aren't just the people who agree with everything you say and do, they are the people who care about you enough to tell you when you're "wrong." They will stand by you when you're "right."If you're just looking for a crowd to help you hate her, good luck. I don't believe she's stealing all your boyfriends. I think your jealousy is driving them away.I think you might be losing them, because of your attitude.By the way, if you go around tossing your friends because they disagree with you, you'll wind up alone; and you'll end up making more enemies than friends.You can sit down with each of them, and tell them how you feel. Then they will have a chance to explain to you why they may not agree, and they may help you to change your mind. They might be able to help you to handle this situation better.That's what true friends will do.You don't change friends like a pair of dirty socks.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 June 2013):
 "Literally all of my close friends are good friends with her, my cousins are friends with her, my parent's are friends with her parents, I can't get a break from her and it's driving me insane. "
The get rid of these "good friends" who don't have your back. Really. What friends are they if they can't see that this woman is cruel to you, and has tried to steal your boyfriend(s)? What friends are they if they applaud her for these actions and reward her with their "good" friendship?
"It seems like everyone prefers her over me. My friends are always ditching me to go be with her."
Time to let these "friends" go. They don't have your back, and they ditch you for her. Loyalty is all to me in friendships. If my friends don't have my back then bye-bye. I go through fire and ice for my friends, and if they don't do the same for me then they're not worthy of my friendship. Be strict. These people are NOT your friends. Find new friends. You'll be alone for a while, but you will find new friends eventually.
However, I would have a last chat with one or two of your closest friends. Sit them down in private, and tell them exactly what your problem is with this girl. Hear what they have to say. Tell them you feel they often choose her over you, and while they can be friends with whomever they want, you aren't going to let this girl bully you by using your friends and turn them against you. Either they are your friends, or they aren't. If they are your friends they will respect the agreements you make and not ditch you over her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): I must read a post like this several times a week. How much one girl hates another; because she's after her boyfriend.If your boyfriend and all your friends are all so hypnotized by this girl, maybe its because she is a nice person and very likeable.You're so wrapped up in jealousy and hatred, you make up all sorts of nasty things to justify it.It's really not her you hate, it's YOU that you don't like when you compare yourself to her.You're not being as innocent as you're claiming you are. I find it hard to believe one girl can steal three boyfriends from you, and you don't say or do anything in retaliation.Yet you hate her. If she targets you, it's because you've done something to her. I really don't think she has done all that you say.I think you want to justify hating her. You need allies and people to tell you it's okay and they understand why you hate her.She knows when you're bad-mouthing her; because you're letting everyone know how much you can't stand her. Boys in your age-group are not sticking around for long-term relationships. There is no single girl in any high school anywhere that will have sex with every boy in the entire school. If she was so nasty, she wouldn't be so well-liked. If you're capable of being so hateful; it's no wonder you can't keep a boyfriend. That's not her fault. In fact, your parents are friends with hers; and wouldn't they know if she was such a little tramp all over school?People like her for a reason, and not for the reason you claim they do. You feel like you're the only one who hates her; because you obsess on hating her.There may be some girls who tell you it's okay, they understand how you feel. I never encourage people to hold hatred toward another; because I know how destructive and self-destructive hatred can be. Hate will make you say and do terrible things.You don't really mean it, it just hurts to see how much attention she gets and how easily people seem to like her.No one can tell you how to feel. I can only hope that you feel better about who you are, and not compare yourself to her.
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