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How do I resolve my feelings about my sexuality? Should I wait until I have my first crush on a girl?

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Gay relationships, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 July 2013) 9 Answers - (Newest, 28 July 2013)
A age 22-25, * writes:

I think im bi. Not completely positive, but i will see another girl sometimes and be totally turned on. Like girls my age. i KNOW i like boys though. but i dont know how to tell my parents or anything. its so wierd. I dont really know what im asking really. but i need help.

do you think i should wait until i really first have a crush on a girl? i recently had my first crush at all. (yes i know im thirteen already ). pleeeaase help mee

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

These answers made me smile. I will just wait it out.And i agree with many things said. thank you all for your answers. I'm glad nobody said "its just a phase" or" your either straight or lesbian"

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A female reader, MsSadie United States +, writes (26 July 2013):

MsSadie agony auntI'd argue that the majority of teenagers, especially girls, think that they're bisexual at some point.

There's no need to announce anything. Just ride it out. If, when you're a few years older, you legitimately want to be in a relationship with another female, then go ahead and explore that option.

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A female reader, Atsweet1 United States +, writes (26 July 2013):

Atsweet1 agony auntAt any age even 13 to 60 sexuality can be open. I recently learned to think out the box about issues with 100% straight or lesbian or bisexual. Also in dealing with 3 gender people so I perfer to be open without labels and accept people for who.they are. Its easier for me this way I can enjoy them no matter if they straight bi gay or lesbian and or third gender. Most teens will experiment with the opposite sex well off into college its not out the ordinary really. Do what you feel comfortable with at times that may change as we change and mature also.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (26 July 2013):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntRelax doll youre young its only hormones. In a few years youll have a much clear idea of your sexuality.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (26 July 2013):

Honeypie agony auntI know you don't want to hear this, but RELAX you are only 13! And you are getting the rushes of hormones which makes you feel like you are all over the board emotionally - it's NORMAL!

Do no announce anything YET. In a few years when you have decided WHO you want to date, then you can "declare" your love to your parents.

There is more to a person then your sexuality. Don't let THAT be what defines you.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (26 July 2013):

YouWish agony auntOh! You are at such a great point in your life. Your sexuality is coming alive, and hormones are changing you top to bottom. It's so overwhelming!

Here's the thing - right now, don't even worry about any labels now. I know you're trying to come to grips with your identity, but you're at a point where your sexuality is fluid and evolving every day, every month, every year. Almost no one perfectly fits into neat little labels, especially at the stage you're at.

So go easy on yourself and focus on the experiences, the feelings, and always be true to yourself. A label at this stage can actually feel restrictive rather than liberating. When you're older, like in college, there are more questions you'll feel more comfortable answering and maybe you'll feel right about defining yourself with a label as you relate to the world.

As for your parents, don't worry about that now. All you know is that you have feelings for boys, and you have feelings for girls. Seems ridiculously simple, and since you're having very complicated thoughts and emotions, it feels like it shouldn't be that simple!

Is that the definition of bisexual? Yeah, it is. However, things can change, inclinations, feelings, tastes, and sexuality can alter a bit as you age. The healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to be defined by who you are, and not what society attributes to a label, or what you are.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (26 July 2013):

chigirl agony auntWhy would you have to tell your parents? I think it's necessary. No one tells their parents they are heterosexual. So why would you announce being bisexual? Or homosexual, for that matter. Why the need to announce it to your parents? I understand that you want someone to know, but if it makes you uncomfortable, or you don't know how to talk to them about it, why not tell a friend instead?

I'm bisexual, and I at first thought it was a big deal too. When you're a teenager everything is a big deal. I went ahead an announced it to a friend, and he barely gave me a response. No one else I've told it to has as much as lifted an eyebrow. So I found out pretty soon: it's not a big deal. No point in announcing it.

I suggest you tell your parents when you've got a girlfriend (or boyfriend). No point in telling them about every boy, or girl, you have a crush on. But if the topic comes up, you can mention it. There is no point in making a big deal out of it. Maybe you're bisexual. Maybe you're not. But that's a part of you, and who you like might change in time. Don't try to label yourself, or try to fit into whatever box/category others want to put you in. Just be who you are, no pressure. Like the people you like, just go with the flow and see where you end up. If you end up liking a girl and she likes you back and you become a couple, you can introduce her to your parents. Same if you end up liking a boy. Just take it as it comes.

Btw, just because you're bisexual doesn't mean you have to like EVERYONE! Just like heterosexuals doesn't like all people of one gender, doesn't mean you have to like everyone of either gender. You might be bisexual, yet only like very few people.. so don't try to make yourself something you're not. People have so many labels and ideas about how a person of such and such sexuality should act or be, yet it's all stereotypes. Just be who you are and like the ones you like. No stress.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (26 July 2013):

TasteofIndia agony auntAgreed. Don't worry so much!! There is no need to throw yourself into a box this early in life, if at all. Maybe you're gay, straight, bi, who knows? You are young and your hormones are all over the place - you will settle into a sexuality that suits you as you grow into yourself.

I like to think of sexuality as a continuum, let's say 1-10 (all though it's probably more like 1-100!). 1 is absolutely straight, 5 as absolutely bisexual, and 10 as absolutely gay/lesbian. Maybe you'll find that you are a 3, or a 7. Maybe you're a 2 or 5 or a 9. Who knows? Maybe you're on different scale all together!

Don't worry about labeling yourself. Just like whoever you like, and be with people who make you really happy and who make you feel good about yourself. What gender they are isn't really important, but how you feel about them and how you feel about yourself when you're with them... that's what counts.

Good luck and relax! Don't worry about it. Just be who you're gonna be and you'll be just fine. :)

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A female reader, oolagoob United Kingdom +, writes (26 July 2013):

oolagoob agony auntYou're young, you don't need to worry about this kind of thing!

You don't need to identify as anything. You are a human. Thats it. You might love guys and once in your life fall in love with a girl. You might love girls and once fall in love with a guy. You might want both. Whats the need to put a name on it. Gay, straight, bi, these names are there for no reason whatsoever! You will be the only one that uses it! So just be who you are. You are defined by so much more than a sexuality.

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