A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a night of passion with a regular in the bar where i work. He is very nice and i really liked him. Then i met him again twice more. Im so embarassed because he said to me this morning that he hopes i dont expect anyting from him as he doesnt want a girlfriend. I feel like such a fool and my ego is hurt. I must have come in strong or something. I kno i should not have slept with him. The thing is he has asked me too meet up again casually for sex. I agreed but mainly because i didnt want him to tink i cared bout him not wanting to be in a relationship. My question now is what do i do if i see him again or if he texts me looking to meet up for sex. How do i say no. I dont want to say i want to be ina relationship in case he tinks im a pure desperado! The ting is like dat i wasnt particularly attracted to him but its his personality that drew me to him! I know hes not into me but im actually really embarassed that i gave him the impression i liked him. Now i feel like a fool. How do i get my pride back? wen he made his intentions clear i lied that i too dont want a relationship!!
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male
reader, adaminio  +, writes (30 July 2013):
He sounds like an arse..3 times then told you..
Like people said above you made a mistake.. don't beat yourself up about it hun, but simply say , sorry I can't be bothered with this I've got other things to do .. failing that every time he asks say you are busy..
A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (30 July 2013):
 How do you get your pride back? By keeping it moving.
Don't linger with this guy. Keep your head, and go on to the next one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): What everyone else said. if you don't want to do it, don't do it anymore. If you need an excuse... tell him that there's someone you actually like so you don't want to meet up with him anymore.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (30 July 2013):
 It sounds like you made a mistake -- and they happen in real life. To me, it sounds like you were lonely for too long and decided to put aside what you truly want out of relationship in hopes of either a fleeting illusion, hoping to change his mind or you kept throwing "good money after bad".
While you can't take back what has been done, you can decide that enough is enough. You have your priorities and your desire for a committed relationship is certainly worthwhile and reasonable. You quite simply made a mistake and the sooner you admit it to yourself -- and to your lover -- the sooner you can move on.
Also, keep in mind that sex can have lifetime implications -- babies and diseases to name the biggest. You are gambling on a guy who doesn't seem to be very interested in you on a deep level (and nor are you). If an accident were to happen this guy could be in your life for the rest of your life.
Remember, the longer you stay with this guy, the more lonely you are going to feel in the long run. Also the more time that goes by is less time you will not be with someone who truly desires to be 100% with you. In fact, you are wasting your attentions on a guy you aren't even attracted to...
There are plenty of eligible and good men out there. Don't let loneliness get the better of you. You deserve better.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): Of course he wants to meet you for sex and so other women as well. Just tell him the truth that you are not into casual sex long term, you played, and now it's time to go separate ways. Turn his desire to have casual sex with you against him. Show him that it's you who doesn't want him, because it's not what you expected.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): Just be honest about what you want and he should respect that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): Got to be honest because then you know what to expect and what not to expect. Believe me there is a saying that why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. Make him come to you and if he doesn't so be it. You don't just want anything
casual. The man will respect you more for loving yourself.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (30 July 2013):
Don't do it! You are forcing yourself to do an "act" that you are not comfortable with. That is foolish. That is embarrassing!
Just tell him you are not into that. You made a mistake when you agreed. You will look better in his eyes but more importantly you can smile at the image in the mirror!
Cheers!
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (30 July 2013):
 It's actually simple (though easier said than done). When he asks for the next hook up, you tell him "I thought about it and realised that I'm actually not into casual sex. I would like to find the right guy and have a relationship". (Not that you want a relationship with him). Don't apologise for giving him the wrong impression.
You didn't come on strong as far as I can tell, he just doesn't want a relationship. That's not about you. Don't feel rejected, didn't let your ego rule you and your feelings/ behaviour. How to regain your pride? Don't sleep with him again. Stick to your guns. And since you work in a bar, be careful not to drink anything other than water if he's there.
By not agreeing to casual sex, you will regain your pride and self respect. And don't feel embarrassed - millions of us have made similar mistakes. You should only feel embarrassed if you consent to casual sex fully knowing its not for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): You shouldn't feel embarrassed, he should. Be proud of the fact you want more than to meet a man for casual sex. Just tell him you had time to think & this isn't what you want. You don't owe him anything.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 July 2013):
 Why are you so embarrassed and feeling like a fool? It is a compliment to him that you like him. Doesn't matter if he doesn't like you back, thats his loss.
Be honest. You do NOT have anything to lose, and you will not lose face unless you yourself think so. If you stand with your back straight and just be honest, then no one will have anything to make you feel embarrassed about.
You get embarrassed too easily. You are NOT a fool for liking him and wanting more. However you were a bit naive to think you can have sex with a man to make him like you.
Tell him this: You like him. You wanted to enjoy the time together, and you would like to continue to see him. But after thinking about it, you realize you do not want more casual sex, you want something more. You want a man in your life as your boyfriend. You would be happy to date him, and see if he could be that man for you, but if he doesn't want to you will just end communications.
Dare to ask for what you want. He will respect you more if you do. And if he has respect for you, he might actually want to date you and make you his girlfriend, once he sees he can't get you that easily.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 July 2013):
 Just tell him you can't do casual sex with him, it's just not working for you and after that cut contact, when you meet him at the bar be polite and treat him as any other guest.
And learn from it, if you want more, then don't jump into bed too early.
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