A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend almost seven months now. At the moment, I'm still very up and down about sexual things and doing sexual things with my boyfriend. This is the most comfortable I've ever been with a boy before, but I'm just not feeling right in myself at the moment and don't want anything sexual to happen.I've explained this to him and he understands, I'd rather be honest with him then lie to make him happy. It's almost as if he's a light switch and he can just turn himself on at anytime- 'a real talent', so he says. I'm just not a sexual person, does this make me boring? All I want is cuddles and stuff, I can't be bothered to do anything remotely sexual because it makes me feel uneasy and a bit indecent. I do love my boyfriend, I just wish that I'd feel normal about sexual activities and stuff.We have the house to ourselves today and I'm feeling a bit crappy to be honest, I don't want to start anything and I certainly don't want him to suggest anything of that nature, because I'll just end up turning him down. I'm not intentionally rejecting him, I just don't fancy anything like that.Please, I'd be grateful for people's opinions, thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2013): It's your body, your mind and YOUR life. Don't let ANYONE i.e society, friends dictate to you what makes you tic or how to live your life- it's not boring and perfectly normal to not have much of a sex drive. In honesty it sounds as though you're not sexually attracted to him- but even if you were, that youre also not mentally ready- and that's SO normal at your age. Regardless of your age anyway, Dont ever feel under pressure to do something that makes you uncomfortable and uneasy- especially when it's something that's a big deal- I.e. sex. You're on the verge of becoming an adult, and your friends may all be doing it but if you're not there, you're not there. For the record I don't have much sex drive, and found it a bit nasty at your age too :) sex is not a recreational necessity whatever people say. Live your life by your rules :) xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2013): I agree with chi girl that
1. You're likely not attracted to this guy
2. Everyone's sex drive is different and it's something that comes naturally, if you're not there yet, you're not there!
I'm 22, attractive, outgoing, have loads of friends, but im still a virgin, single and happy by myself. Not only this, I don't have much sex drive- but if something sparks my imagination, I give into natural urges, I'm not asexual! Haha! :) I like you think that living loosely is really icky and that sex should be more preserved. Not necessarily religious or after marriage but not so cheap and common, if ya see! Lol
It's your body, your mind and YOUR life. Don't let ANYONE dictate to you what makes you tic or how to live your life- it's not boring and perfectly normal to not have much of a sex drive. It really does sound as though you're not mentally or emotionally ready- and that's SO normal at your age.
We live in a mad world where pretty much everything and however much we want should be available. People take things for granted and cheapen things, the main example is sex- people are SO promiscuous these days, and see one night stands as recreational- when actually sex is a very special and intimate thing.
Xx
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A
female
reader, newbern +, writes (8 August 2013):
You'll do it when you feel naturally ready.
You're not boring, just don't let anyone pressurise you into doing things.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 August 2013):
 Forgot about your real question: no it doesn't make you boring, it just makes you a very normal 17 year old.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (8 August 2013):
" I can't be bothered to do anything remotely sexual because it makes me feel uneasy and a bit indecent"
That's not the sign of someone asexual, it sounds more like you're not just sexually attracted to him. This could be because you aren't at the stage in your life where you find anyone sexually attractive. Or it could be that your boyfriend just doesn't do it for you.
Do you like kissing him? Do you want it? Do you like hugging him? Do you like the idea of him taking off his shirt so you can see his bare skin? Not to have sex, but just to watch him and admire him? Do you look at his butt and think "yummy"?
These are the things that will tell you whether or not you're not ready for sex, or whether or not you just don't want sex with HIM in particular.
Do you find any man, for example a movie-star, "yummy" or "hot" or "gorgeous"? As in, you wouldn't mind at all if they took their shirt off? Or it'd give you goosebumps and fill you with excitement if they were to touch you, hug you, give you a kiss? Now that's sexual attraction.
My guess is, and no offense meant, that you aren't sexually attracted to your boyfriend. When I was 17 I didn't think boys looked good at all, or barely. I wasn't sexually attracted to them! Now that I am older I can find a man sexually attractive. Partly because I've matured, and partly because the boys have turned into men, and men are much more sexy than boys. I had a boyfriend too when I was 17, and I can honestly say that I wasn't sexually attracted to him at all. Not the slightest. I didn't even like kissing him, the thought of exchanging saliva made me go "yuck". Hugs were fine, but only when shirts were on, if you understand what I mean.
You may like to cuddle with him, but if it gives you the same pleasure as cuddling with a cat on your lap, then no... you're not attracted to him.
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