A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What are the chances of me finding a man who has never had a one night stand or casual sex? No offence to anyone here but I find that kind of behaviour revolting and it makes me see them as a lesser. I'm 26 now and this worries me. I was appalled to seeHow many men said they wanted a relationship on their profiles but were willing to have meaningless sex, they seemed really nice on their profiles as well it was scary.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): As a guy (22yo) who's never had a one night stand and dislikes the idea, I feel offended :P
You mentioned "profiles". I think that's part of the problem. You're looking in the wrong place. I'm not sure about other non-player guys, but I would NEVER look for a girlfriend on dating sites, social media, bars or anywhere public, as I consider these places full of - guess what - people looking for one night stands and relationships devoid of commitment. I'd rather search among the people I know (friends, classmates, colleagues, club members etc). But then, I'm an introvert, so that might partially explain it.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 I don't think it's impossible at all to find a guy who hasn't had a one night stand. Contrary to popular belief, not all guys want to sleep with anything that moves.
But OP, ask yourself if there is a difference between not having had a one night stand because of choice, or because the guy just couldn't "get lucky". There are a lot of guys who haven't had one night stands because they are shy and don't know how to approach a woman, but who would jump at it if the chance was given to them. They're not any better than a player, if you ask me. So think about it, and about what actually matters: morals, or the act alone.
Just the same, there are guys who have had a one night stand, to try it out. They found out it wasn't for them and never did it since... there's a difference between them and male whores. A man whore will just sleep with anything that moves. But I don't think everyone who's ever had a one night stand deserves to be grouped in with the male whores. So again, it comes down to whats important here, morals or the act alone.
Both can be found, out of 5 boyfriends only two of them had casual sex. The other three barely had any contact with girls, certainly not outside of a relationship, and wouldn't even dream of having a one night stand. They weren't even into the "fooling around" thing that most teenagers do at parties (just kissing). So yeah, there definitely are guys who wont have one night stands. They just don't flash it or brag about it.
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A
male
reader, adaminio +, writes (5 August 2013):
I've never had a one night stand, and the thought of it disgusts me too, sometimes I feel that I should of been born in the 50's . I am Like you trying to find a woman that hasn't slept about, or had flings up town. And I'm 25 so on the plus side yeah there are lads like that and good for to know there are women like but the chances of meeting these people are slim.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): I don't understand why so many people here are so pessimistic about the possibility of finding someone with the qualities you list. I have only ever had sex with the one girlfriend I have had in the past. I cannot imagine having a one-night stand or engaging in casual sex, because it sounds terribly unpleasant to me; why would I want to be that intimate with someone I just met and whom I might never see again?My sexual drive is quite strong, but I take care of those needs by touching myself. The needs I _can't_ take care of by myself are the needs for human touch, affection, and companionship with someone I care about. I cannot imagine that casual sex would help me fulfill those desires.I don't think I am alone, either.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 I would not be as pessimistic as the other posters, personally I know quite a few men who do not believe in casual sex and do not ever practice or pursue it NOW.
That does not mean that it has never ever happened in their past. Growing pains, you know- hormons and curiosity and peer pressure. But, you have got to make mistakes to learn from them, and you've got to try things to form your beliefs and find out what works for you and what does not.
So, it's quite possible that a " serious " guy who only wants sex within a relationship- there are,there are, they are not exctint like dynosaurs :) - is so serious precisely because he has felt the sense of emptyness and letdown and even disgust that a couple of " whatever " hook ups left him with.
Only, I doubt you'll find them online. Obviously : dating sites are a mean to sell a product : yourself. So you advertise yourself the best you can to attract as many buyers you can, - therefore you show yourself in the most flattering and favourable light that will impress potential buyers and get your product taken off the shelf. But not necessarily it is the truth, in fact advertisment , even when it's not downright false, is based on manipulation , omission, half truths...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): I would say, A LOT! Most of us guys brag about our one night stands and casual sex partners, just to hide the fact that we are alone and we can't get a girl. We have insecurities too, you know.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (5 August 2013):
 Most men would think there's nothing wrong with it. And presumably the women they slept with felt likewise.
Many of the people who "save themselves" for someone special do it for religious reasons.
If you don't follow a religion yourself, you'll just have to get to know people first to find out what their like and whether it's the sort of thing they would do.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 There is some chance that you will find such a creature.... much as there is some chance that the local ice cream truck will park outside your door, tomorrow, and hand out free samples all afternoon....
Just to hedge your bets, I suggest that you take out a subscription to "Spinster Monthly"
Good luck.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): There are a lot of these men out there. I am one of them and I know several more. Most of us are wishing we could find a woman like you.
But admitting to being a man who does not like casual sex is like admitting to being a promiscuous woman. There is way too much social pressure against being ourselves at all, let alone trying to find someone else like us. Other men don't really care much but women with a casual sex history act like we are calling them sluts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2013): If you are speaking of men above the age of 18? That will be quite rare, and I can't quite see what difference it will make.
I think there are a lot more important qualities and character traits that should be considered regarding a man as a whole. Not just his sexual history. Most men boast about having more than they've ever had, or less; depending on who's asking.
Being judgmental and prudish will keep you hunting for "Mr. Virtuous" (who could easily lie to you) until the cows come home.
Men don't have physical evidence to prove virginity; or that they don't like casual sex. Many will simply tell you what you want to hear. You'll have to subject them to a lie-detector test, if you really need to know.
I know you're trying to avoid pigs and trolls, and their associated STD's. You're a lady who knows what she wants and won't settle for less.
However; if you're relying on the internet, you will find an abundance of the most indiscreet, pompous, vile male creatures capable of standing on two legs.
It is a miracle of nature they have the mental-ability to form a sentence longer than three words. These creeps troll the internet for their female counterparts; which they find in equal abundance and infinite supply.
You didn't just arrive on this planet, have you?
You are kidding, right!?! Please tell me this is a joke!!!
I think you may want to focus more on how a guy treats a lady. His character, level of maturity, and his approach to life.
He may be very sensual, virile, and his sexual prowess may be on the higher scale. Yet his experience, class, and maturity will temper his animal urges. He would have the
decency and charm to treat a real woman (or gay man) with respect; and be on his best behavior at all times. If you haven't heard, this type of male is in high demand.
Some guys want a real lady, when they chose a girlfriend or wife. Not many women are clinging to their virginity these days. Nor do they have to. You must have self-respect, a sense of decency, and love for yourself. With these traits, we don't just let anybody get their hands on us.
I'm gay. I've met, and befriended, many heterosexual and gay men who keep their member on a leash; until they find the right partner to share it with. They know how to be monogamous, and maintain a long-term relationship. Many of my best friends, including myself, fall under this description.
I don't know any of them that haven't had a one-night stand. I think they might find such a question hilarious;
even if it just so happens that they haven't.
It's guy-thing.
Please, I'm not making fun of you. I'm out in the dating world; and girlfriend, I know your pain and frustration.
All men are not dogs that have had more than a few partners or have had casual sex. Some are just lucky.
I think if you study a guy's demeanor, listen to his opinions, study his body-language, and allow him to reveal his personality; you'll be able to distinguish the good guys from the tools. The internet is fishing in a barrel.
The worst types travel in schools, and you'll frequently fish in a barrel-full of bottom-dwellers. They swarm the internet.
I freelance. I seek men in their natural habitat. Jogging, art shows, ballgames, and lectures. I like brains and brawn. I use my intellect, good-nature, charm, and a healthy body to lure them in. Then I force them to prove they think with both heads; not just the smaller one. I appreciate a guy who can multitask.
I hope you don't mind my humorous approach to your question. I seek what you seek, as a gay man who has never had an STD in his life.
I have been unwittingly a one-night stand; but never sought anyone strictly for that purpose. It just happened.
I swear.
Look for the better traits in men, don't believe the profiles. They're bullshit.
Date a wide variety of men. Judge them by how they think, and behave with you. That's the way to do it.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 I think your last sentence is very telling. You see it as immoral behavior. Someone who hasn't done it but would if given the chance is just as bad as someone who has done it for real.
So, I think you're only hope is to find someone at a conservative church or church group who believe in waiting until marriage. There are probably tons of things like that in America but I have no idea how you would go about finding on in Britain.
But even if you do find someone who says he has never done that, as CMMP said you'll never know for sure.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 August 2013):
Even if a guy considers himself a gentleman and doesn't try and sleep with you right away, that doesn't mean it's never happened.
If you ask him he'll tell you what he thinks you want to hear.
Just treat everyone as if you're their first and don't spend too much time wondering what happened in the past, because you can never be sure. Let their actions do the talking.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 Lol judge me all you want. It was either what I did or continue to allow that beautiful western world continue to ridicule me. Ive had meaningless sex but ive proven im also committed... But in your eyes maybe committed to a mental health institute.
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A
male
reader, Anadin +, writes (5 August 2013):
 Unfortunatly those types of men are not very easy to find, i would try joining a club such as karate etc, i tend to find the sort of people you are looking for at those sorts of places. Its something i look for in a woman and unfortunatly thats deminishing quickly. Keep looking, someone will turn up.
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