A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If a man has had a vasectomy, when is he obligated to tell the woman he is dating or interested in dating?What I am wondering is, if one decided to disclose this immediately, how would one bring this up on a first date? "So, what are your interests?" "Well, not kids! I had a vasectomy!" Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): If a woman is infertile, when does she owe a man the truth about that?
I think most people would answer not right away, not before sex, and not at any specific time before she is ready to talk about it.
A
female
reader, Dawnielou  +, writes (30 July 2013):
You seem very young to have had a vasectomy. I would say there is no set time to tell a potential partner. It would be whenever the subject of children came up I suppose.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (30 July 2013):
 For your age group; it would be more likely that the woman would bring this subject up about children if she’s interested. She may well ask as could you; “do you have children?” So you won’t have to stress so much about saying anything, other than; unfortunately I’ve had a vasectomy…
After which you can elaborate on this subject as to your personal reasons for this choice and describe a potentially good future with you without having children.
For me, if a person is adamant about not having children, I would want a pretty good secure lifestyle as a substitute. In other words, what are you offering or able to provide in replacement of having children, grandchildren etc?
Take Care – CAA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): You tell her the moment you decide to be intimate, or the moment she brings up the discussion regarding having children.
You do not tell her for the purpose of having unprotected sex.
Vasectomies may prevent pregnancy, not the spread of HIV or STD's.
A vasectomy is nothing to hide; so you can pretty much tell her any time you want.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 July 2013):
 I would talk about it before exclusivity and before sex, in the same conversation about goals regarding children. If she says she's wanting to be a mom or wants kids, then is the time to respond saying that you made a decision not to have them, and had a vasectomy.
The reason I suggest it early on with the "children" discussion is because this weeds out those who think that a man's decision to not have kids is code for "haven't found the right woman". Talking about it upfront means that if the two of you are together, it truly means "never".
It should be before the sex starts.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 July 2013):
 I would talk about it when you two decide to become a "couple" - being exclusive. By then I would assume you two have discussed what you want in the future. Also I would perhaps bring it up early so she can decide if this is a deal-breaker (if she wants kids) or not.
Being with someone who wants kids, when YOU don't rarely works out.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 July 2013):
 You can disclose this early on by asking her what she wants for the future. Does she want marriage, kids, house and a dog? Is she a career woman who wants to climb high in her career, and take kids/marriage as it comes? What is she looking for? These are things you'd discuss even if you didn't have a vasectomy. And, as you discuss these things, you can tell her what your hopes and dreams for the future are. That you want this and that, but that you do not want children. You don't have to say you had a vasectomy, but you can say that you made up your mind about it long time ago, and you do not want children.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): 3rd or 4th date .... that way they have more of a vested interest in your private information. But i'd say tell them before any sexual relations because that may mean they are getting serious about you without all the facts disclosed to them.
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