A
female
age
26-29,
*dro0
writes:Alright, so. My boyfriend and I are extremely close and open with each other. And recently we engaged-- or tried to -- in sex. He couldn't get hard enough. Now. I wasn't mad or anything, frustrated, or annoyed. He tried to play with himself, and with me to help... It did for a bit then stopped. He usually had masturbated a lot - everyday. But these past few days even in his own -- he couldn't get hard. He's been feeling like he wants to throw up (not when he tries to get hard) but just in general. So, I guess my question would be... What could be wrong? He's worried, and wants to go see a doctor about it... But , I, on the other hand... Just thinks its because he hasn't been eating a lot, and such... I mean he feels sick -- so could that just be it? I'm sure this is normal. And it happens...
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female
reader, jdro0 +, writes (4 August 2013):
jdro0 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs an update:
We tried again.
& he got hard this time. Not 100% but yeah. He hasn't had any real physical contact in years. He's 22. So yeah.
But -- all in all.... I do think it is just the psychological barrier and physical.. We talked about it and we are both more than Happy to keep trying until it is successful. I'm just overjoyed he is open with me about it all...
Thank you everyone.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 August 2013):
Just because he says he's not watching porn doesn't make it true.
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A
female
reader, jdro0 +, writes (2 August 2013):
jdro0 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, this isn't his first time having sex, and he hasn't watched porn in months. I'm more then sure he isn't gay.
Also, he doesn't feel nausea during the act... Just in general...
But thank you all for answering. I really appreciate it. I have mentioned to him that maybe it was because he's always masturbated and his body needed a break. But thank you all again!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): I think your boyfriend is having anxiety about engaging in the actual performance of the act of sex. He is freaking out.
He has to stop masturbating, for about a month or two; to reprogram his brain. His brain and penis are locked in fantasy-mode; and the transition to reality-mode will take awhile. The harder he tries, the more frustrated and anxious he becomes.
He has programmed himself to get his sexual pleasure from masturbation; and he hasn't had much practice at having actual sex with a person, if at all.
It takes time to rewire his brain to adjust to a new way of getting off. So he will be pretty frustrated; until he decides to give up porn and a palm, for a for real-life girl.
He should still see a doctor. Make sure he isn't hiding the possibility he may be gay, or just afraid of having sex for the first time.
Please continue to be kind and patient under all circumstances.
You can't switch the mind on and off like a light bulb. It's a process that takes time and effort. The penis just doesn't stay erect; unless it is getting the right signals from the brain; and a full delivery of blood-flow. He's very young, so the reason will something simple.
Ask him if his doctor has him on medication for anxiety or depression. They sometimes have sexual side-effects.
Nausea isn't a typical symptom of performance anxiety. That sounds related to something he finds repulsive. Just saying. Hopes he's being honest with you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 August 2013):
 I don't think there's anything seriously wrong, but if he doesn't find out what the problem is then he'll continue to not get it up... So, he should go see a doctor to get it sorted out so he can enjoy sex. What's the point in not going to see a doctor?
If he can't get it up, he should get checked out by the doc. Maybe he's just stressed, or not eating right, or maybe he's down with the flu. Who knows. But he needs to get checked because he's not a doctor himself, neither are you, so sitting here guessing is pointless.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 August 2013):
Too much porn and masturbation. He should stop and see if it helps. Also, he needs to try not to make a big deal out if it or it'll get worse.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 August 2013):
 Do you want to have sex when you feel like throwing up? I'd imagine he doesn't either! If he doesn't start feeling better in a few days he should call a doctor.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 August 2013):
 For a guy in your age group - I would say tell him to go see a doctor - it could be psychological or physiological.
Honestly, I have never heard of a young man not being able to get a hard on, even if he was starving.
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