| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Should I raise this issue or just accept that my Boyfriend does more than his fair share, financially, for his divorced mother?
Q. Recently I have realised just how much my boyfriend does for his mother and their family but I don't want to point it out to him because I know it will do no good. My boyfriend is three years younger and he still lives at home. His rent covers ...
A. 10 May 2014: I sense a culture problem here. In many societies it is perfectly normal what your boyfriend does, and more so it is expected of him to do these things. If he didn't help out he'd be seen as selfish, egocentric and a bad person. So think twice ... (read in full...)
Will I be limiting my chances of having a Boyfriend considering that I don't like giving blow jobs?
Q. Will I have limited boyfriend chances unless I give blow jobs?? I don't mind hand jobs, but I'm not a person who feels comfortable with the idea of a penis in my mouth. I also don't particularly like the idea of a guy ejaculating on me, but I don't ...
A. 9 May 2014: You've not had much sex, have you? A guy doesn't have to come on you if you give him a handjob. The guy knows when he's coming, he can hold it in until you get a condom on, but the easiest option is just for him to come in his own hand, or to come ... (read in full...)
How long can I hide my girlfriend's job from my family and friends? We are planning a life together!
Q. Following divorce/kids I have met a fantastic woman. We have fallen in love and are making plans to spend our lives together. One problem is her work - she is a lap dancer. The job pays well and she has done it for several years. I have no...
A. 9 May 2014: If she asked you not to say anything then she also needs to tell you what to say when they ask. Because naturally people ask. You can avoid the entire thing also by saying you don't want to discuss her work because she doesn't like to talk about it. ... (read in full...)
Mum as wingman, good or bad idea?
Q. I hope this doesn't sound bad, but does anyone see anything wrong with going to places with your mother a lot ?. My mother and I have been to a lot of gigs together over the years. I am 30 and she is 55. I guess sometimes people can think that a ...
A. 9 May 2014: I don't see anything wrong with going out with your mother. I've done it on some occasions, and it's never been problematic in any way. People are different, she didn't tell the guy off because she's your mother... It's just what some people do. ... (read in full...)
I'm struggling with my job applications, what do I do?
Q. I'm struggling to apply for this voluntary job. What should I do ?. I have to do a voluntary job soon at a Youth Club. I am on Jobseeker's Allowance. However, I am struggling to apply for it. It says on the application form that you need two ...
A. 9 May 2014: Yes, it is normal to apply for more than one position. That's the only way to get a job, you need to apply to as many as you can.
And yes, if you only have one reference then write down that one reference. But think big, a reference doesn't ... (read in full...)
He just can't let go of my past
Q. Hello aunts, I'm having a dilemma with my current boyfriend. We have been dating for a little over a month now and we really enjoy each-other and fell in love and love spending time together when we can. We are almost one person and I've had pre...
A. 9 May 2014: No no no no no! This man is bad news. He comes off super charming, I am sure, but it's just been a month and the shine is already wearing off. Do not be gullible, do not be fooled. This man is a user and a controller and a manipulator.
Your ... (read in full...)
Am I suffering from some form of sex addiction?
Q. As I've mentioned previously on this site, I'm in the habit of frequenting brothels on a weekly basis. However, after soliciting the advice of some of the regular contributors here, I've decided to refrain from sleeping with sex workers while I wait ...
A. 8 May 2014: I don't think it's sex addiction. Because if that was the case, you'd probably see how it is far better, and more logical and healthy as well, to get a steady girlfriend whom you can have sex with on a daily basis without running the risk of an STI ... (read in full...)
Does the girl code mean I can't date my soon-to-be married best friend's ex?
Q. Would it be wrong of me to go out with my friend's ex, even though when they went out they were 17 and my friend is now actually getting married this winter? I have known my friend for almost 5 years, and she was the first friend I made when I mo...
A. 8 May 2014: He's on the market. It was back when they were 17 and she's getting married to someone else. So she doesn't get to call dibs on this guy.
But, just to be polite and a good friend, I would bring it up and talk to her about it BEFORE it becomes ... (read in full...)
I am fed up of arguing about her wanting breast enlargement surgery!
Q. Hi everyone, I need some advice on a frustrating situation that I am in. About 7 months ago I had a breast enlargement. At 22 I was fed up of feeling self conscious, unhappy and miserable about my body. I never ever developed more than buddin...
A. 8 May 2014: I don't know the full story, of course. But from what you're writing it seems to me you've inspired your friend to go do something she's been wanting to do, yet haven't had the guts do to yet. You went ahead and was brave, and she talks about it so ... (read in full...)
Am I gay? Am I straight? How do I find out?
Q. I am a 30 year-old man confused about his sexual orientation. This is a looong question, but I request you, PLEASE do read it is entirity. MY GAY PHASE: As a kid I was a sissy. I used to always be scared of things, used to cry easily e...
A. 7 May 2014: From what I read at the beginning of your post you put a LOT of emphasis on what OTHERS believe you to be. Despite what you yourself feel like or who you yourself are attracted to.
What other people believe you to be, or get "vibes" off.... (read in full...)
Why is she taking birth control?
Q. I'm in a LDR, my girlfriend and I are in different countries due to school and we can see each other every three months or so. she is on the pill. why would a girl be on birth control if she is not supposed to be sexually active?...
A. 7 May 2014: Its not good for you to stop and start the pill every three months. That would ruin your cycle and would probably make you very uncomfortable. The pill is a hormonal birth control that affects the body. It's not like a condom that has ZERO effect on ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be a gay man.
Q. How do people accept being gay so easily? I'm starting to think I'm gay but I don't want to be. Sure I could pretend to be straight for the rest of my life but I'm not sure if that's what I want but I don't want to lead a gay lifestyle either. I ...
A. 7 May 2014: You're full of crap. There's no such thing as a "gay lifestyle" any more than there's a straight lifestyle. And I don't think I've ever heard of there being such a thing. And even if there was, who would FORCE you to live your life in any way you ... (read in full...)
My ex's mum messaged me and I'm not sure if or how I should respond!
Q. Today my ex's mother has facebook messaged me. It is the first time I have heard from her, and I was relatively close to his family, so am not sure whether to respond or how. The message was nice, she was sorry to hear about us breaking up, she ...
A. 7 May 2014: You're all adults here, so there's nothing wrong in messaging her back and being polite. You broke up with her son, not with her. It's her son who's not over you, not her. You were maybe friends while you and her son were a couple, or at least you ... (read in full...)
Girls are being inappropriate with my boyfriend!
Q. Hi, I need some help My boyfriend works at a big store and is good friends with most of his co workers. These co workers have friends that come up to their work sometimes and hang out during break/lunch time. Recently, there have been a fe...
A. 3 May 2014: Focus. Im so tired of girls letting out their frustration and anger at other women when it is their BOYFRIEND who is out of line. These girls have the right to flirt with whomever they want, they are single, and they're not in a relationship with ... (read in full...)
Has "nice guy" become a derogatory term?
Q. It seems like when you call someone a "nice guy" it seems as if it has some sort of negative connotation to it as if it is synonymous with loser, wimp, geek/nerd, pushover etc. basically anything that would be viewed as unattractive to the opposite ...
A. 3 May 2014: No, I don't think women see anything negative with calling someone a nice guy. But I think a lot of unsuccessful men are making up a term "nice guy" as an excuse for their failure with women. Example: I'm a nice guy, but all women want bad boys.
... (read in full...)
The information this man gave me about his past has made me uncomfortable. Should I keep dating him?
Q. Is this weird? I started dating a man, and we've been on a few dates, I'm still getting to know him. But during the last date he told me that he had been previously engaged to a woman he had dated for almost ten years since he met her in colle...
A. 3 May 2014: By the way, what right did his mother have to demand the ex did anything at HER wedding? The mom isn't the one to be married. I'd keep a careful eye at that mom. It could have been exactly like someone else said: that this was the mothers way to ... (read in full...)
The information this man gave me about his past has made me uncomfortable. Should I keep dating him?
Q. Is this weird? I started dating a man, and we've been on a few dates, I'm still getting to know him. But during the last date he told me that he had been previously engaged to a woman he had dated for almost ten years since he met her in colle...
A. 3 May 2014: Hahahaha! You know that story about the 10 year relationship and ending it didn't really bother me. People have pasts, whether he did the right thing or not, who knows. I wasn't there, I don't know what his mother asked of the girlfriend or what the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never invites me to his parties
Q. Hello all. Well, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and have known him well for about 7 years. Last year he decorated his backyard. I picked out the pool which is the staple of the backyard. I picked out most all of the furniture, ...
A. 3 May 2014: I'd feel dumb for putting out with it too. And now it's happened so many times you can't excuse it as him forgetting about it, or misunderstandings etc. You know that he deliberately leaves you out. He does not want you there. Listen to the unspoken ... (read in full...)
How to socialize while keeping family stuff private?
Q. I have a big problem separating my private life from my social life. And it is seriously effecting me now. I dint have social phobia in a classic way, but my family life is so full of pain and shame and grief, that basically I'm unable to meet with ...
A. 3 May 2014: PS. I just read the other posters response... And I want to tell you I think it's nonsense. Your children are not children, they are adults, and they are responsible for their own actions. You are not at "fault" for whatever they do as adults. If ... (read in full...)
How to socialize while keeping family stuff private?
Q. I have a big problem separating my private life from my social life. And it is seriously effecting me now. I dint have social phobia in a classic way, but my family life is so full of pain and shame and grief, that basically I'm unable to meet with ...
A. 3 May 2014: I know how you feel, I've encountered the same situation many times. Especially when people ask me about my father for example, whom I don't actually talk to and don't meet and don't really bother to know where lives or what he does. Yes, people do ... (read in full...)
Do women think the key to attracting men is to dress like sluts?
Q. Hi this question is not specific to one specific relationship but more on a general level, in my effort to meet someone. I'm curious about why when going out on say a Friday or Saturday night, young (and not so young) women feel the need to dress ...
A. 2 May 2014: The mentality is easy to understand. Same as with why do some guys like to take their shirts off when on the dance floor and flex their abs, haha! Or why do men take penis pictures and send to women... Because they themselves think it is hot, and ... (read in full...)
Is he just stringing me along or trying not to hurt me?
Q. It's been 4 months since my partner broke up with me. We lived together for another 6 weeks until I was able to move back home. I didn't want the break up. He dumped me out of the blue and never gave me a clear reason, nor wanted to talk about it...
A. 1 May 2014: Someone once told me, that when a guy dumps you out of the blue and doesn't give any explanation, it is because he's been seeing another women/has feelings for someone else. And doesn't want to tell you about it for obvious reasons.
I'm not sayi... (read in full...)
He has found himself a "girlfriend"!
Q. One of my best guy friends has been ignoring the usual gang since he found himself a "girlfriend". Lets call her J. They are not officially together because she has a boyfriend who is studying overseas but she is cheating on him (physically and ...
A. 15 April 2014: You sound more invested than a friend. If that was a female friend and not a male I would think your reaction would have been very different. I am sure his other friends don't like being stood up either, but the way its sounds is that for you this ... (read in full...)
I know that we'd be better together than he is with his current girlfriend, but how I do I handle this?
Q. Long story short, I like my guy friend. We met through a campus organization and have known one another for a year. As I am preparing to enter the executive board of the club this year, we have gotten closer as he is already on board. He is a g...
A. 15 April 2014: You're quite arrogant. How would you know you are "better" for him than his current girlfriend? You don't know that. And you don't know anything about their relationship or what goes on there, you're just sitting here brain washing yourself into ... (read in full...)
What's worse? Being in a relationship with a cheating coward or an arrogant know-it-all?
Q. What's worse? - Being in a relationshpip with a cheating coward or a arrogant know-it-all? Or are both types equally undesirable? Any related comments or thoughts would be very helpful. Thank you ...
A. 15 April 2014: Cheating is a deal breaker. If there's cheating, there simply isn't a relationship. Cheating is just a way for cowards to break up with you, without having to tell you they want out... They just start relationships with someone else while still with ... (read in full...)
Pregnant despite the pill -- how to tell the new b/f?
Q. Hi everyone I have a bit of a problem and could do with some help I have been with my boyfriend for 9 weeks now I am on the pill but have just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant I'm in total shock does anyone have any advice on how to break this news ...
A. 13 April 2014: Have you been to your doctor and gotten it confirmed? It is highly unusual to get pregnant when on the pill, and more so after just 5 weeks of dating.
Did you miss a pill or two, is that how you know you are 4 weeks pregnant? Or how do you know... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin. For how long should I expect sex to be uncomfortable?
Q. I am a 19 virgin and going to lose my virginity to my bf soon. Heard that will feel some stretching in vagina. Is this stretching only felt in first few time or will I still feel it after sexually active? Is the stretching painful? How it is like?...
A. 13 April 2014: If you're turned on then you wont feel any pain, most probably. But this varies so much from person to person. Some women are very tight down there, and then it doesn't matter how many times you have sex, it'll still hurt. I have a friend who never ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if I need to just be blunt, ask him his salary and then maybe nip it in the bud if it is too little money. Should I be honest?
Q. I'm in my early thirties, I have to think about starting a family. I barely make any money and would maybe prefer being a full time mom. I went out on one date with a sweet guy that seems interested. He told me his job.... I think he makes very ...
A. 13 April 2014:
If you want to be a stay at home mom you need to be married, or else you are royally screwed. People BREAK UP you know. If you just go ahead and have a kid with the first and best man you find, his income matters little. Because he can up and l... (read in full...)
Why would my ex boyfriend get mad about me being with someone else and then assume I would tell my boyfriend about him?
Q. Recently my ex boyfriend started calling and texting me. He found out I've been talking to another guy. The new guy is in the army. I'm happy being with the army guy. Its just that my ex boyfriend is acting like doesn't like me being with someone ...
A. 12 April 2014: This is what exes do. They don't want you, but they don't want anyone else to have you. It's all mind games. Stop texting him, he's not your friend. He's just trying to get you away from your new guy because he is miserable and wants you to be ... (read in full...)
Why is he pushing me to drink alcohol? Is there something weird about his actions?
Q. i have been seeing this guy for a little while now and we met at the club, and i was drinking a little and just being fun. ( no sexual stuff involved.) After that I've noticed that everytime we go out, and alcohol is present he pushes me to drink...
A. 8 April 2014: He might have a problem with alcohol, in which case he can't stop himself, and the only way to legitimize his excessive drinking is if he has someone joining him.
It's a red flag if he can't take no for an answer and pushes you to drink. ... (read in full...)
It's been two years -- will I bleed?
Q. It's going to sound odd and I am going to try and phrase it in not too much gruesome detail, the only time I have ever had sex was with my ex boyfriend, I bled a little when we first did it, it's almost 2 years ago that we broke up and I haven't had ...
A. 8 April 2014: Why would it hurt? If you're turned on then no, it wont hurt. And no, if you are turned on and he's doing it right, then you won't bleed either. You will only bleed if he is too rough and you're not wet enough.
Use lubricant if you're not turn... (read in full...)
How do I get a grip? I am in a jealous, blinded rage and don't know what to do about it
Q. This may be long, so sorry, but I am pouring myself out here. I had an earlier post about my husband talking about a younger female coworker (12 years younger than me) for a couple of years and then suddenly not talking about her. They work in the...
A. 7 April 2014: You know what? Like you said, it is a small rural town. So small things tends to escalate, they grow out of proportions, they become enormous.
A small hug. Maybe a glance that lasts too long. A questionable comment. Little things. Harmless... (read in full...)
Perfect girl, why cant I love her like she deserves?
Q. Hi all, For the whole of last year I was fighting cancer... It was horrid and took all my resources to beat it, but I got there! When the news of remission came in I was overjoyed, but also had a cold hard slap of reality and realised that my...
A. 7 April 2014: Is she the "perfect" girl that you just don't love, so you have sex with her instead, or is she a rapist who you try to fend off but who wont leave you alone?
You need to make up your mind about this. The no sex before a relationship is not my s... (read in full...)
Do people want their sexual fantasies to come true?
Q. I started dating a wonderful guy. We got along fantastically and we were amazing together in bed. By far, the best sex I have had in my life. We connected on very intimate levels, and I was like a magnet to him. He is the nicest guy I have ever ...
A. 6 April 2014: Your beginning was so refreshing to read! With all the troubled people who post here, it was great to read this! I am so happy for you that you have gotten to experience truly great sex, so many women go by without having a clue.
On to your que... (read in full...)
Threesome with a friend, should I do it?
Q. My best friend asked me to join her and a guy she is casually dating for a threesome. I am thinking about it because there are no feeling involved and maybe it could be a good idea to see what this is all about. Do you think I should do it? Would ...
A. 6 April 2014: I wouldn't do it if she's a close friend. Sex and friendship doesn't mix, it changes things. Even if you are straight. Actually it might just make things very awkward since you're not attracted to her in that way.
I've had a threesome wi... (read in full...)
Perfect girl, why cant I love her like she deserves?
Q. Hi all, For the whole of last year I was fighting cancer... It was horrid and took all my resources to beat it, but I got there! When the news of remission came in I was overjoyed, but also had a cold hard slap of reality and realised that my...
A. 6 April 2014: This woman is thinking she can buy a relationship with sex. She holds back her orgasm (or so she says) because she feels the need to hold back something.. anything. She's giving the milk away for free, so I really don't get the deal with holding ... (read in full...)
Can one person destroy an entire family?
Q. Can one child's actions wreck the whole entire family's life , for lifetime? It seems, my son first destroyed my life, than my whole family's life, and now he is wrecking his wife's life, and his young children's life. How one person can be so ...
A. 6 April 2014: If he went to treatment with a psychologist I am confident he did not speak the truth, and did not let the psychologist see him for who he truly is.
That is why he did not get a diagnosis.
But what is a diagnosis, anyway? You know he is not n... (read in full...)
I was put in an awkward position.
Q. I was put in an awkward position. I have a friend whom I've known for almost 10 years. About 4 years ago she got with this guy who to be honest I'm not that keen on. She has a child with him.He's very lazy - he doesn't work and doesn't help he...
A. 6 April 2014: This man is a manipulator. You said so yourself, in other words. He is lazy, he gets others to do his work, he's a free-riding moocher. Of course he will now try to squeeze you for money and make you out to be the bad guy if you don't. That's what ... (read in full...)
You shouldn't hide anything in a relationship, right?
Q. Hey everyone, Me and my boyfriend been dating for like 2 weeks I know it's still short but he thinks it's disrespectful to look through his phone... I don't have a problem with him going through my phone but he claims he doesn't go through my messa...
A. 5 April 2014: You're in a relationship but you are NOT one and the same person. Invading each others privacy, leaving no room to be individuals, is an unhealthy relationship. It's controlling, invasive, and your boyfriend is right: it is disrespectful.
You'r... (read in full...)
Job interview included working for a full day, for no pay!
Q. This isnt a relationship question but im hoping someone can help. My niece who is 19 and currently an office temp wants to get in to hairdressing. She saw that a well known salon in our town was looking to hire trainees so she applied - sent h...
A. 5 April 2014: Yes, this sounds like a scam in my ears too. I've never heard of such a thing before. Although, it's not a scam if your niece KNEW she was going to be there all day without being paid. Then she agreed to the terms, even if the terms are BS.
Next ... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to love my baby girl!
Q. Can someone help me with this but I honestly think I don't know how to love, I have a baby girl who is 15months, I take care of her as that is my human instincts to make sure she is ok andd has everything she needs, I have no problem doing all the ...
A. 4 April 2014: I wont go into a lengthy answer, sorry. But that's not to mean your problem is easy to answer. It just means that, I do not have the right words to help you. And honestly, I do not think words from others are what you need. I think you need to talk ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
