A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It's been 4 months since my partner broke up with me. We lived together for another 6 weeks until I was able to move back home. I didn't want the break up. He dumped me out of the blue and never gave me a clear reason, nor wanted to talk about it. But once I moved out he continued to text me everyday. So about a month ago I suggested that we call this a break instead and see where we stand. Last week he was texting me and wanted me to send pictures of myself (which I didn't) but when I flirt with him and tease him, he seems distant. Has anyone had any positive outcomes from getting back together with an ex, and guys is he just stringing me along/ trying not to hurt me?
View related questions:
a break, broke up, flirt, moved out, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wise-guy +, writes (1 May 2014):
As a guy, to me it seems like he doesn't know what he wants. Like he doesn't want to be in a relationship yet doesn't want to let go of the intimate connection that a relationship brings i.e. Sex...
As hard as it would be, seems to me like you need to try and forget this guy. I mean if he loved you why would he just randomly dump you?! I'm sure you're a lovely girl and if he cared he'd want to try, or at least talk it out with you as to why he wanted to end things.
You see, its guys like this that gives guys like me a bad name, people assume we are all unfeeling sex pests. We're not. There's an amazing loving guy out there for you. You'll find him and should settle for no less.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 He DUMPED you (without bothering to give you a reason or explanation) - yet continued to USE you for the GF experience even expecting you to send dirty pics to him.
YOU decided (because you didn't want the relationship to end) that IT was only a break.
YOU can not work out a relationship on your own. YOU can not resolve WHY it ended if he REFUSES to tell you.
YES, he is stringing you along. He broke up because he doesn't WANT to date you any more. BUT he keeps in contact because it makes him feel LESS guilty and it provides him with an EGO boost.
He has either MOVED on with another girl (which is why he is resisting the flirting & being distant) but still asking for the pictures because that is easier to hide then long flirty text conversations.
OR he is looking for greener grass and while he searches, YOU are conveniently there, providing the ego-rub.
I don't think you two will get back together. At least not until you have had a PROPER conversation (face-to-face - NOT over text) about WHY he dumped you. Otherwise WHAT is there to "fix"? If you "just" get back together you two will continue til NEXT time he decides to break up for "whatever" reason.
You want this to work so bad that you are letting him walk all over you.
If you WANT to try and make it work, TAKE that break which would mean 0 contact for x amount of time, then a good long heart to heart about WHAT went wrong and what can be done to fix it or avoid it in the future.
I don't think he WANTS you back as a GF though. It all seems more like he is hoping to rope you into some casual FWB at least til he finds someone else.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 May 2014):
 Someone once told me, that when a guy dumps you out of the blue and doesn't give any explanation, it is because he's been seeing another women/has feelings for someone else. And doesn't want to tell you about it for obvious reasons.
I'm not saying this is the truth in your case, but look at it this way. He's been staying in touch, you and wondering about a possible relationship again.. yet has he told you why he broke up with you yet? No?
You can't get back with an ex when you don't even know what caused the break-up. If there is to be a point in getting back together, I presume the point is to STAY together, not just have a fling. And if you want to STAY together, you need to work on the problems in the relationship, and move beyond those problems. There needs to be change, permanent change. But such a change is impossible when he keeps secrets and doesn't even want to tell you why he dumped you.
You were living with this guy. He dumps you out of the blue. You needed to move because of it. How much did that cost you, not just financially, but emotionally? Are you willing to go through that again, without as much as an explanation for why he dumped you in the first place? Because if he already dumped you once, with no reason, chances are high he will again, for no reason.
If you don't want to get dumped for no reason, or without being given an explanation, and be in a relationship where the other doesn't work on the relationship, but just gives up like that.. or worse, cheats and then dumps you... Well, if you want to AVOID such things then do not get back with your ex.
If you want to experience this heartache all over again, get back with him, sure. But you know what he's capable of, and you know he keeps secrets, and you know that suddenly, out of nowhere, you might be out on the streets again.
The only way to have a likelihood of a good relationship with an ex is if the reasons you broke up in the first place have been dealt with, worked on, and wont repeat themselves.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014): My husband and I had a break when we were in our twenties .. At his insistence I honestly think he thought I wouldn't be able to live without him at that time.. And though I very much loved him and still do, I put my chin up and I walked tall, and I said you want a break sure.. Just dont expect me to wait around until you figure you out .. And it was telephones not mobiles and he would call and I would say to him sorry got rush I'm on my way out and I was .. I expanded my hobbies, I walked our dog and actually started talking to a guy who walked his all to the dismay of my now hubby ..Anyway we worked it out lolNow you my dear, are going to have to do some of these things, is he stringing you along .. No one here can really say, maybe he feels guilty maybe he's missing the sex .. What you need to do is get your life together, look and feel confident .. Hey, it's his loss if he doesn't want you? ? So expand your hobbies, let friends know your available to go out .. Yes it's hard and yes you will miss him .. Stop the flirting it comes of as desperate, but being mysterious is so much better .. So when he texts reply with:Hey you , what you up too.. I'm just heading out the door ( don't say where) catching up with the girls and the goss haha and if you hear wailing that will be us singing haha . Have good night catch you tomorrow . Make the texting fun, witty but not flirty .. And start to separate yourself from him as the more you cling the more you will push him away.. Let him chase you a lil, to hell with it a lot .. I've been with my husband a total of 25 years since 14teen. I'm 39 . We have three kids and we work hard at being a family and partners and individuals .. Take care and you never know he might just come to his senses and if he doesn't well.. He'll mend him sweetie..
...............................
|
