A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Following divorce/kids I have met a fantastic woman. We have fallen in love and are making plans to spend our lives together.One problem is her work - she is a lap dancer. The job pays well and she has done it for several years. I have no problem with this but I shudder to think what friends/family would make of it. In fact she has forbid me to mention it.However, it does mean me being evasive when asked about her job and why we rarely go out on Friday or Saturday nights.I am internalising this issue at the moment but not sure how long I can do that for.Any advice ??
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 May 2014):
 I say, you have to take her as she is. If people question her job, you have to dismiss them with "I know and I want her that way". I bet someone among your acquaintances must have seen her before.
In my small neck in the woods, stories to cover such jobs always fail. I think you two have to decide what you're going to say when people naturally asks what she does for a living.
I'm kind of wondering how old she is and how old you are.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (9 May 2014):
 If this is HER secret, then it should be her headache.
I say keep it simple. Either SHE comes up with a believable cover story before your next conversation with your family or she'll have to live with you being honest about what she does. That or she should consider a new line of work.
It's not about being judgmental, it's about giving back to her what is hers. Why should she enjoy all the rewards from her line of work while you get nothing but headache and stress? This is the 'career' path she chose and the risk of other people's disapproval comes with the territory. She can either accept that or find something else to do.
Chances are, your family won't approve of what she does but they'll still treat her well and possibly even come to like her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2014): Chigirl has it spot on. Its her job and her secret, just ask her what she would prefer you to say.
No good you saying "Yes Tony my Girlfriend works as a builder" if she has already told him she works as a hair dresser.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 May 2014):
 If she asked you not to say anything then she also needs to tell you what to say when they ask. Because naturally people ask. You can avoid the entire thing also by saying you don't want to discuss her work because she doesn't like to talk about it. Or you can talk to her about maybe saying something, but not all: she works in the entertainment business or something...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2014): They deserve to know an outline of what she does. She's a "dancer" should cover it. Will they guess? Probably, but neither of you should be ashamed of it if she has the skills for a good plan b job should she no longer be in tip top condition in a few years. How old is she? Does she have children of her own? How long have you known her? If she's pleasant and you don't rush things, I think your family will accept her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2014): Depends on the family actually.
When I was 18yrs old I was down on my luck and was a stripper. I met my boyfriend at the time while at work (how is that for cliché) Anyway, strangely, all of his family and friends knew that was what I did and how he met me. No one ever had a problem with it and his family adored me nonetheless.
A year later I ended up quitting and we got married. So I really guess it depends on how open minded and accepting your friends/family are. And only you can really know that.
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