A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Long story short, I like my guy friend. We met through a campus organization and have known one another for a year. As I am preparing to enter the executive board of the club this year, we have gotten closer as he is already on board. He is a gentleman and everyone respects him. I have always had a feeling that he likes me. We always catch one another looking at each other but are mature about it. The way he talks to me is also different than when he talks to others. However, he has a girlfriend. Being the respectable guy he is, I know he would never make a move on me while he is in a relationship. And I respect that too, and him for it. With that said, how can I turn the situation in my favor without crossing the line or being obnoxious? I know there will be many people that tell me he is out of question. And if he were, I would not give it a shot. But giving our situation and my instincts, I know that being with him is a genuine possibility. I also feel that we are truly a better fit for one another. I would never want to ruin a "good" relationship - but they are not in the best situation so I do not feel guilty considering it. I have given it a lot of thought but I am not sure how to conduct things. Thank you for your advice!
View related questions:
has a girlfriend, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): I'm going to disagree with the other aunts here and encourage you to throw yourself at him.Flirt with him, dress sexy for him, heck tell him outright that you think you two are better matched than him and his girlfriend.If he says no, you'll have learned a valuable life lesson to respect other people's commitments.If he says yes, you are welcome to keep him. Although I do strongly suspect that relationship won't last long because - well if he REALLY was desperately in love with the idea of spending eternity with you, he'd have made a move on you already. If he does come to you now, it will be because you've flattered his ego by approaching him, not because he's losing sleep over you. Ofcourse he will tell you how he secretly desired you all this time and only felt confident leaving his girlfriend when he realised you felt the same. Ofcourse he'll tell you that. And ofcourse you can trust him, like his girlfriend trusts him now, that he doesn't suffer from the 'grass is greener on the other side' syndrome.So dear OP, have a go at it if that is what you truly wish. When you're humiliated or heart broken feel free to come back and seek some sympathy.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 April 2014):
 You "conduct things" by acting respectful of his relationship status. Be a class act. What will be will be.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 April 2014):
 You don't really respect his relationship one iota. And that is not going to win you any points.
If you start being "obnoxious" as you call it, you have a better chance at being someone he will avoid.
He HAS a GF and whether you think YOU are a better match DOESN'T matter - he OBVIOUSLY LOVE her, he is with her.
And I agree with Auntie Chigirl, you don't "love" him, you have a major crush.
I would RESPECT his relationship and look for a BF elsewhere.
If he was REALLY as keen on you as you think he is, he would be single soon.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 April 2014):
 You're quite arrogant. How would you know you are "better" for him than his current girlfriend? You don't know that. And you don't know anything about their relationship or what goes on there, you're just sitting here brain washing yourself into thinking that breaking up a relationship is a noble act, because you're so much better than her... Wow.
How to go about it? Well, if he actually liked you the same way back he would break up with his girlfriend without you having to interfere. If he felt the same way you do, that you and him would be a better match, he would end his current relationship on his own initiative, because if he's got a wandering eye and sits at home dreaming about you while with her, I am sure he will break up with her on his own.
You've just got a crush on him. And what happens is that when you're in love, you search for every possibility that your crush likes you back, and you automatically seek out any opportunity to get closer. But just because YOU are crushing on him, does not mean he feels the same way back... Again, like I said, if he actually felt that way about you he would break up with his girlfriend on his own initiative....
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 April 2014):
So you respect him because "he'd never make a move on you while in a relationship", so you want to know how you can get him out of that relationship? Is that different than cheating? To me it sounds like bending the rules.
The best you can do is to do what you can to make him think that you're a better option than his girlfriend.
But if he's a true gentleman than he won't allow you to do come between him and his gf. Anything less is emotional cheating.
...............................
A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (15 April 2014):
 It's not for you to say whether they are in a 'good' relationship or not. You need to respect the fact that he has a girlfriend. I'm sure he can tell by signals you've given that you are interested in him... so if he is just as interested in you, he will take care of things with his girlfriend and approach you.
Regardless of what your instincts tell you or how you feel there's a genuine possibility of you and the guy being a better fit for each other... he has a girlfriend. He may be acting friendly to you.. but there are no signs that he will be leaving his girlfriend anytime soon to be with you. You need to respect that.
If you really really like him, stick around and continue being his friend... IF things do end with him and his girlfriend, then you can approach him and let him know what you want. But until then... the only honorable thing to do is be his friend.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): As a guy with experience of falling in love with someone close to me, telling her I love her is harder than getting a different girlfriend. If she doesn't feel the same way, the relationship could never be the same. Since you said they are not in the best situation, he might be in the same situation that I was. Talk to him about his relationship with this other girl and if he does break up with her, you should tell him how you truthfully feel. I hope things work out well for and I wish you good luck.
...............................
|
