A
female
age
30-35,
*ilon
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year.hes my first love i love him to bits and i really cant sit here and explain just how much i love him and before anything i will not ever leave him unless he cheats on me so please do not suggest that. He sadly very obviously does not have the same feelings for me.He forgot my birthday and didnt even try to make up for it by buying me something which thats fine its not the present i want it just shows you care.He has stopped telling me he loves me but he says he still does. i feel as though sometimes he does these things because he already knows i will never leave him Its absolutely my fault though for showering him with love and expensive gifts when really he has bought me two little gifts but pays for my food,tickets etc.how can i change this?? lastly valentines day is coming up and ill be devasatated if he doesnt get me anything. What can i get him too? and no i will not be direct about it i dont want him thinking im some gold digger.. if it makes a difference hes 7 years older than me im almost 19. he has a very good heart and one of the main reasons why he stands out to me is he's religious and in my culture i cant find that and its important to me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 February 2012):
 You're supposed to communicate your disappointment. I'm not telling you to leave him, but there needs to be consequences for an action. When he hurts you/neglects you/or disappoints you you need to make it obvious and clear to him, so that he can avoid doing it in the future.
Be understanding and forgiving, thats great. But in return he must also work on the relationship. If he breaks up with you if you communicate your disappointments then he wasn't ready for a relationship to begin with. A relationship needs communication. And a relationship will always have it's fight and problems. Which is why you need to communicate and work through things. Right now it seems you don't work on anything, when something happens you sit quiet and don't say a word.
A
female
reader, tilon +, writes (3 February 2012):
tilon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell its hard what am i supposed to do when im so in love and attached.. its not easy at all
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 February 2012):
 Please... WAKE UP!!!!! YOU told us the details of what goes on between you and this cad..... and we gave you opinions of where you are, where you are likely to go, and how and why YOU should avoid it.....
With your subsequent submittals, you pretty much ADMIT that you are aware of what's going on.... and YOU don't wish to protect yourself from this RAT!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, tilon +, writes (2 February 2012):
tilon is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni did not literally mean everything..what i meant was strictly the behavior that i had listed..not lying/abuse
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 February 2012):
Even if you think he'd never beat you you've basically given him permission to do it. Because you wont leave him no matter what, unless he cheats. Everything else is fine by you.
When you accept that he can do whatever he wants in the relationship without consequence then why are you complaining about the way he treats you? You're the one enabling this.
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A
female
reader, tilon +, writes (2 February 2012):
tilon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay okay u guys are a bit dramatic he would never beat me or anything of that nature ..he still DOES have respect for me..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): What can you do (if you won't leave him)? Nothing.So suck it up and get on with it. That's your only option.Don't trick yourself into believing it will get better either. As soon as he realises just how much of a doormat you are, you can expect things to get ten times worse. Be prepared to endure a relationship where little to no love is shown and your feelings are completely disregarded aka he doesn't give a ****.Also, not ALL religious people are perfect. And you'll miss the good ones as you'll still be desperately clinging onto a relationship with this guy. Until he leaves you, which he will sooner or later if he doesn't have overly strong feelings for you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 February 2012):
 “I will not ever leave him unless he cheats on me” So he’s allowed to lie to you? He’s allowed to verbally abuse you? He’s allowed to BEAT you? He’s allowed to mistreat you? Take advantage of you? Rape you? Disrespect you? Do you think THAT LITTLE OF YOURSELF????
He has stopped telling you he loves you but says he still does? How does that work? Doesn’t he have to say “I love you” to tell you? Or are you ASKING “do you love me” and he says “yeah”… UGH.
He ignored (and/or forgot) your birthday. Heck my birthday is written on the calendar there is no way my partner can miss it. Did you not remind him? Did you not discuss what you wanted to do to celebrate your birthday???
I am sure he mistreats you knowing you will take it. But why do you take it? Aren’t you worth more than that?
What will you do with your devastation on Valentine’s Day? Will you fight with him? Or will you roll over and take the ignoring it? Because he CANNOT forget Valentine’s Day…. That’s just not possible unless he lives in a cave….
YOU can’t make him treat you the way you want as long as you are willing to take his treatment.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): ". . .how can he be so selfish?"
Easy, he doesn't care about you and he knows he can get away with it because you're too much of a doormat to stand up for yourself, even to a cowardly punk like him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 February 2012):
I see two important details in your submittal:
1. A 26 year old guy who is dating a 19 year old girl is probably pretty cocky that YOU are more serious about HIM, than HE is about YOU..... just the course of nature. I predict that he will continue to behave as you've described..... And,
2. You say that you will not part ways with this man who you ADMIT doesn't seem to serious about your feelings. IF that's so... then it's YOUR CHOICE to endure his thoughlessness. DON'T expect much sympathy, later on, when you DO reach your breaking point and MUST part ways with him....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): My ex and I were together starting September 2010. He didn't get me anything for Valentines day or even wish me a happy birthday (2/16). That was 6 months into the relationship. He didn't put ANY effort into the relationship in general. I went over the top doing things, planning things, paying for things, making sure he was happy. NOTHING was enough for him. A guy this age knows better. Do not believe any sweet talk he may try on you--he's just using you. Leave now and find someone who knows how to GIVE in a relationship. Doesn't have to be perfect or even 50/50 all the time, but there needs to be a general reciprocity of giving, physically, emotionally, financially, barring any extreme circumstances. A care for eachother that is obvious to those looking from the outside.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 February 2012):
You wont leave him unless he cheats on you, so you'll take just about anything else he throws at you? Good grief, what happened to self respect and dignity? Raise the bar a tiny bit for your own sake. Love is never enough to carry a relationship, mutual respect, honesty, friendship and loyalty is needed as well.
You love him over the top, but you say he doesn't feel the same. So it's one sided love, and you're the one suffering through this. But of course, unless he cheats then you can take on endless amounts of pain, right?
There's a good chance that he's taking you for a ride seeing as he is older than you and you are young and naive and will stick to him no matter what. So why should he bother going the extra mile when he can take you for granted.
Stop spoiling him and reclaim your self respect. Fair enough that you don't want to leave him, but that doesn't mean you should sit quiet and just take things. Speak up. Express your anger and disappointment. Argue with him! If you don't express your feelings you'll just burry the relationship in resentment eventually.
Open up for communication and express yourself. Don't sit and take it. Tell him "you forgot my birthday! I was hurt. I expect to get some attention on my birthday, and I do expect a gift. It doesn't matter what it costs, but I want a thoughtful gift. I also expect us to do something nice on valentines, and if that isn't going to happen then you need to warn me so I will not be disappointed". Then stop spoiling him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): It is not necessary in a relationship that there should be any kind of give and take. forgoting your birthday is not the reason to take pessimistic view. You should simply give him a chance to show his love may be he has planned something great for you. But one at the same time try to control yourself never try to show him that you can't live without him for few days avoid him a bit if he loves you truly he will notice and will try to regain your faith by being honest with you and if his love is fake avoiding for days, months will ultimately help you to forget him.
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