A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Let me start off I am currently going through a divorce and dating for the first time in years. My husband and I met in college and were married for 3 years before the separation. When I first started dating my husband he was drawn to me right away. He knew he wanted to marry me within a couple months maybe even less. Obviously it didn't work out. Every man I dated in high school or college was the same way. The list is pretty short but it seemed like I was the girl they wanted to marry. I don't consider this a bad thing. I guess I just display more confidence than I think I have or something.Since my separation I slowly started going out with friends again and eventually started meeting guys and starting conversations with them. I'm obviously not wanting anything serious right now. But I do want to go out and meet new people and maybe date a few people. Problem is for some reason I am having the same problem I had back in college every guy wants something serious. It like they start talking to me and they say I feel like I really connect with you and I can see a future together. All this when they know I am still married and not wanting anything serious. And these are guys saying this who have known me for one night. Not like guys who I have friendships with and have gotten to know. Do all guys want a serious relationship? Do all guys lie and say they want a serious relationship? Surely not every guy wants this. And the one that does why do you pick the married girl out of the crowd? I know that not every guy wants to go get married. So what is it about me that attracts these men?
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male
reader, honestman  +, writes (18 February 2012):
Oh, yeah,
and probably, most of those guys just want to have sex you, and use their words just to trick you into that.
Just watch out for those kind of guys.
A
male
reader, honestman +, writes (18 February 2012):
NO. Not all men want serious relationships. From my personal view, there are lots of guys who want casual relationships.
Now, my guess is that, some of these guys use the "I can see a future together" as a way for you not to reject them. They might think that all girls want a serious relationship, while they themselves really don't want it.
Here comes a fact: Some men will hit on everything, either married or single.
You could be straight forward with these guys, and tell the that you are not looking for a serious relationship right now. If they stick around, then they'll probably not interested in a serious relationship also.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Men will say what they think you want to hear to get in your pants. They say this to ALL women. Please don't take it to heart and NEVER take this seriously or you will get severely taken advantage of when you start dating again. Dating is much different at your age than it was when you were younger.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 I think we need to set a few things straight first. These men you meet are NOT nesters. By "nester" I mean someone who wants a serious relationship. These men who you have met are just talk. Several players pretend to be nesters to get girls attracted to them and sleep with them. They are all talk, and mean nothing of what they say.So that's one, these guys might be players. Next is a even more dangerous guy, the guy who is a user/mentally unstable. He will also pretend to be a nester, but is a very bad kind. He will try to act serious to get you to be serious with him, that way he has you trapped down and can neglect you, use you, or do whatever he wants and still have you hanging around. For example he will move in with you very quickly, too quickly, before you get to see the real him. Or he will try to get your pregnant. And he acts so nice when in fact he is often a control freak or manipulator or just wants you to pay his rent. Next there is the more harmless, but still not so great to bump into, the man who doesn't know himself. He is quickly swept off his feet due to no proper contact with the ground to begin with. He doesn't know what he wants, doesn't know what he is looking for, gets mesmerized by anything that sparkles, and as soon as he has you he will be distracted by the next shiny thing. He'll love and want to marry you, and then get to know you (because you know none of these guys KNOW who you are... which is the funny part). Once he actually gets to know you he figures you weren't what he wanted... So you get dumped, or worse, cheated on. Men who talk serious without being serious are men you need to stay away from. They aren't really nesters, they aren't really serious. The ones who ARE serious about a future with you will wait, get to know you, take things slow. He'll know himself, know what he wants and what he is looking for too. None of these guys you describe fit a description of a nester. So no.. none of these guys you mention are looking for a serious relationship. Instead I think you need to weed out the players, users/mentally unstable and the whimsy guys who don't know themselves. Then get down to the real guys who actually know what they want, be that a serious relationship or a casual relationship. Weed out those to jump too fast into discussing marriage etc, especially when you know they have no idea who you are and it's all just talk.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Yes, there are plenty of men that will spin these kinds of lines to get you into bed. "You're the One." "You're so different/special." "I want something serious". The whole you're so great, I want to be with you - it's standard, classic BS. So some men will fall into that camp and some really do see a relationship potential with you.The way you carry yourself, the way you dress and the way you project yourself draws in the more decent guys. There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe you have a great personality that people are drawn to, or you're really attractive, or both. I don't think this is a problem at all. No one is forcing you to date these people seriously. You can go on a few dates with them and let them know you're not looking for anything serious. It's better if someone wants something more than the alternative. It should be a great ego boost to know that people desire you as a person, not just as a body. Enjoy being wanted and have fun in the dating pool.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Bottom line, these guys that you are attracting are idiots.You want to find someone that is not going to be infatuated with you in five seconds, saying it from the very beginning. I am not looking for something serious. If that is something that stiill makes them want to have arelationship with you, then dump them as soon as they star saying stuff like i love you within a week, as that is idiotic. However, if they say, to themselves or once or twice, I bet you I can make you afll for me and it is in a relatively playful mood, then let them try. If they succeed they succceed. If they don't then they don't. However, I would love a woman 26-29 that is attractive that can hold a conversation that does not want something serious, but still wants sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Not every guy wants a serious relationship. I'm newly single after a failed 3 year relationship, and all I want to do is meet new people and not be tied down for a while. Keep looking, and take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, feeling  +, writes (2 February 2012):
Hi,
I suggest a book by Steve Harvey called Act like a lady think like a man also hes just not that into you by Greg Behrendt, I dont agree with everything in these books, but a lot of what these guys say about men in general is true, also men love calm confident women, also a lot of men will give you smooth lines just to have sex with you!! so if you can have sex with out having your heart broken go for it, but if you are a sensitive person make a guy wait for a while to see if he cares about you as a person. Quote" woman have sex with there hearts, men have sex because they can.
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