A
male
age
,
*ngelluvr
writes:I need some imput. I have a new girlfriend and everything is good except for us not having sex yet. When we started to go out we both agreed that we were going to take things slow, and we have been to this point but Im a man that has needs and I havent had sex in going on 6 months. I got a room at a casino/hotel and hopefully it will be "The Night". What I need help with is...if the "hotel night" isnt the sex night, should I look else where or should I stay commited. Just in case you ask....I am very much in love with my girl.We have been dating for about 3 months. Everything has been great except for the lack of love making. Please help with some advise! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BRICKANDMORTOR +, writes (28 February 2022):
Let's interject some testosterone and bring balance back to the universe. How much is sex a part of a relationship? When a relationship falls apart and we are asked what happen? Historically we respond with, "We stop talking and having sex". Don't know what the percentage is but they both have an impact on our relationships. Have you asked her if she enjoys sex and does she see you and her in the future going to be intimate? This isn't the 1950's women who know what they want and who they want it with, be respectful, and treat them as equals. No matter what always be chivalrous.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 January 2012):
 How about talking to her about it?
Sounds simple to me.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 January 2012):
When I start dating a new guy I don't have sex right off the bat either. I want to make sure he's worth it first. It's been a failsafe strategy in protecting myself from players who just want to use me. 3 months is not a long time to get to know each other properly and if you really care for her you shouldn't be complaining about not having had sex for 6 months. It's not her fault you didn't sleep with someone in the 3 months before you met her.
It's selfish to pressure her and put "your needs" first. If you have an itch, go scratch. You have your own hands for that. If your sex drive is that high you should be rather proficient at getting yourself off.
This "sex--or I'll walk away" mindset is really unattractive and if I would be in her place I'd end it the second I got wind of it. What you're presenting is an ultimatum --whether you realize it or not-- and that never works. She will dump you for it and then you're still without a sex partner and on top of that you just lost someone who could have been a great match. Basically you can only lose this way.
So, like the others have said, now is the opportunity to get any communication issues sorted out. Your timeframe perception obviously differs from hers. So talk to her about it. Tell her you have been having a good time but that you've noticed a stall and that you're unsure what to think of it. If she asks what you mean, you can hint that you'd been hoping you two could take it to the next level. Whatever you do, be tactful about it. She may have been hurt in the past and use this strategy to protect herself, just like I have done. Think about that.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (31 January 2012):
 When we started to go out we both agreed that we were going to take things slow
"Taking it slow" in my book (and clearly in hers) doesn't mean having sex after 3 months. What did you expect when you heard "taking it slow"? 2-4 weeks? In either case, it doesn't matter when you want sex to happen because she is the one who holds the power. She will have sex with you when she is ready and comfortable, not when you want it.
You agreed with her decision to take it slow, so suck it up. You have only known her 3 months and you're moaning around as if you didn't have sex for years. If you love her, be patient and wait it out. It won't kill you.
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (31 January 2012):
Sir...you get 2 point for being a "Gentleman" & not rushing into a sexual relationship, but actually getting to know her & fall in love first!
Now...let's keep on the same path...& plan a day to sit down ( not hotel casino night either) & have "The Talk". Let her know, your in love with her, you think she's amazing & you'd like to go to the next level.
Don't destroy a potentially good relationship...because she didn't read your mind ( & most of us women can read minds, lol). Tell her & then listen to her feedback. I wish the 2 of u well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): Just because you haven't had sex in 6 months doesn't mean you should pressure your new girlfriend to have any. Let it come naturally.
You said you both agreed to take it slow, and that's exactly what's happening: Things are going slow.
In my opinion, the more you wait for sex the better it will be. Don't leave because you haven't had sex yet, slow down and enjoy the relationship instead.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 If you aren't having sex yet and you think it's about time then why aren't you talking to your woman about this? What happened to communication in a relationship if you come online to hear if you should "look elsewhere" when the solution is so simple: TALK TO HER.
Don't count on a hotel night to be "the night". Instead just talk to her about it, ask her how she feels, and say that you think you have taken things slow enough now, and that you would like to move on to the next step of a committed relationship, meaning having sex and staying over at each others places at nights.
May I ask how old is she? Is there a particular reason why you have been wanting to take things slow and there's no sex yet? Is she perhaps 20 years younger than you and a virgin or something?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 January 2012):
 have you asked her what her time frames are?
you can't just SPRING it on her and expect good results.
have you TALKED to her about it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): I can't believe you rationalize that not having sex for 6 months as being a legit reason to not date a woman let alone respect her enough to wait.You have needs. So does she. Just hers aren't motivated by sex.Not saying sex isn't important in a LOVING RELATIONSHIP but it should not be the MAIN DECIDING factor of a relationship.I think you need to grow up a bit here.If you are VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL, sex is something that you look forward to and will wait for. I know because men do this all the time for that one amazing woman. No other woman will do it for them.This you feel and claim to have for this woman; is not love.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 I am not surprised she hasn't rushed into sex with you and I applaud her for her decision. A lot of new relationships die because people have sex too soon and it is very often the man who goes 'off the boil' once he has gotten what he wants.
For all women, sex and deep emotions go hand in hand and it's natural to want to hold off from getting serious until she knows you are a keeper.
If you love her, you will wait until she is ready because that is the right thing to do. If you can't wait, then end things and go find someone willing to jump in the sack with you right away...you may live to regret that though.
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (31 January 2012):
 3 months to her may be way to soon to be having sex (is for me as well) ~ and making the location better isn't going to change her values. If you're thinking of leaving someone you 'love' just because they won't have sex with you yet, then that's rather a selfish attitude and you don't care how she feels, just how you can get yourelf satisfied. Just be patient and it will happen in time~ do other sexual things together maybe? they can be just as pleasuring as sex itself.
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