A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,So my friend and I have known each other for about 2 years now and we hang out a lot. Our relationship kinda swerves from being platonic to romantic(in a silly way)frequently but I never really thought much of it. Until last week when he suggested that we have sex. So now I'm kind of nervous and I'm not sure what I should do. I've been avoiding him ever since and I don't want to do something I regret but I don't wanna lose a friend. I hear about girls getting pressured into having sex all the time but I really just don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Sorry didn't see the age.. Of course if you are below the age of consent.. then the answer must be NO!
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 February 2012):
No pressure.. you've been friends for 2years but he finds you attractive.
I notice he didn't mention a relationship, so this isn't about love, dating and being your boyfriend, this is a friend saying he finds you sexy and wants to get intimate.
Your choice, no pressure here, if you can sleep with a guy and not fall in love and tomorrow act like nothing important happened, then you consider his request.
If you don't want to know how your friend looks naked, or want a proper boyfriend or have romantic feelings for him, or you don't do casual sex.. then you say no, just like when somebody asks you for a dance or asks you if you would like another cup of coffee. No problem, just "No, but thanks for asking". Then forget about it.
If of course, after saying No he asks again, then you have every right to tell him off for being deaf and having very bad manners.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): Welcome to being a grown woman. Men will want to sleep with you. You must choose for yourself when this will or won't occur if you don't want to be constantly taken advantage of.
Learn to handle this stuff now. These kinds of situations will only get more common in the next few years of your life.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 Just tell him no thanks. You're not interested, and you don't want to risk losing him as a friend by mixing friendship with sex. Because trust me, at your age and his, with little to no sexual experience, chances are 99% that it will ruin your friendship. With sex comes new and unfamiliar feelings and needs and thoughts. Without knowing if you are one of those few who can separate feelings and sex, it just isn't worth the shot. And most people really can't separate feelings and sex. Doesn't matter really if you can separate the two, he might not be able to, and then you will have come just as far.
Sex can't get mixed in with a friendship without that meaning the friendship is over. Most of the time.
So just tell him you don't think it's such a good idea and that you aren't ready for sex. I don't think this was meant as pressure though, just a friendly suggestion from someone who is, as most teenage boys, very curious about sex. He'll live if you tell him no.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 January 2012):
 You have to decide if you want to be FWB or not. Usually it doesn't work out because one or the other starts having feelings and the other doesn't.
If you don't WANT to have sex with him, tell him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 If you wanted to have sex with him you'd be all over this, so that is reason enough to decline.
Becoming intimate will affect the friendship and more importantly it will tell him that you're willing to give it away for free. What you have is very valuable so only share it with those who truly appreciate it. Someone asking for a bit of fun from a friend doesn't.
Something worth considering...if you haven't read posts here on retroactive jealousy, then I invite you to do so. All too often we hear from men upset by a woman's sexual history, and friends with benefits seems to top the list of peeves. Don't become one of those girlfriend's who never gets a moments peace from a jealous boyfriend, just so she can spare some other guy's feelings.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 January 2012):
 do you think that if you don't sleep with him he won't be your friend?
do you think that's a very good friend?
if you don't know what to do err on the side of better judgment and do nothing.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (31 January 2012):
 You shouldn't have sex with him because you're afraid you'll lose a friend. If he can't gracefully accept that you don't want to have sex, he's not a friend anymore at all.
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A
female
reader, lovelybuzz +, writes (31 January 2012):
 You should never do something that you don't want to ,especially sexually .Watch out for mixed signals ,don't be over affectionate it might trigger his physical desire for you .After all he's a guy .You should tell him how you feel or don't be over affectionate with him even if it's in a silly way,without noticing it you are really turning him on . he will probably want to be friends with benefit or even more .Boys will be boys .Just be his friend like any ,he should respect you ,understand you and if he does not approve of it ,he is not worth being your friend .* not
good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): You didn't say whether you want to have sex with him nor whether you're legally able to in your state.
OP my advice would be to tell him you don't have sex outside of relationships. If you have had sex outside of relationships before then just tell him you don't anymore, it's that simple. If he won't be your friend because you won't have sex with him then he's not worth having as a friend.
First off decide whether you want to have sex with him, second consider that it will ruin your friendship if you have sex with him, ask anyone, sex ruins friendships.
So the best chance of not losing him as a friend is to tell him straight up, you only have sex with boyfriends. Do not let him pressure you if this is not something you want to do and stop all the romantic cuddling stuff too, he's getting the wrong idea. If you want to be "just friends" with guys OP you have to treat them like you would a male cousin or your brother. You have to treat us guys like we treat our other guy friends, we wouldn't kiss and cuddle our guy friends and there's very good reason for that, that level of affection fucks with our heads and makes us get horny and confused. No kissing, no holding hands, no cuddling or romance at all. We guys are not girls OP in the sense that unless we're gay you pretty much can't get cozy with us without exciting us sexually and making us want you, so if that's not what you want stop the fooling around and just be his friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): So you'll have sex with him just to keep his friendship? It's a terrible idea to say the least, do you have any self esteem/respect? Do you actually want someone who pressures you into sex with emotional blackmail as a friend?
Have sex with him and you'll regret it big time. He just wants to get laid, there's nothing more to it than that for him. Just simply say "no thanks I'd prefer to remain friends and not complicate anything". If he refuses to be friends with you afterwards then he obviously didn't care about you one bit and wasn't/isn't worth having as a friend. Also if he continues to pressure you, I'd drop him as it's not respectful to you at all.
I honestly can't believe you even considered it.
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