A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been with my boyfriend 1 year in march we were talking last night and he mentioned his ex which he does quite often so I asked him if he was still in love with her and he said yes he is now I'm so confused but my question is will he be thinking of his ex when we are having sex I would just like some opinions please thank you
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 You'll know, for sure, that he's thinking about his ex- when he calls you by her name when you are doing you-know-what.....
Good luck....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): I'd tell BF that, even though he was honest and thank you for that, the new revelation is now upsetting you and you are not overly keen on intimacy.
How do you love another and touch me? Here I thought you loved me?
Also note: there are degrees of love.
He may have a love for her, and more a memory than anything. But may not BE in love with her to the likes he is with you.
I have a love for my Exs, in that I want them to be happy and yes, I know them better than others would/do. But I am not in love with them. Its a tenderness or affection for them.
I love my children but it is not a romantic love.
I love my mother and it varies to that of my children.
For us women, we want, hope, desire to be the ONLY love that burns for the man we love. Most of us love with fidelity, our thoughts, our actions, our hearts, our dreams all star the Man we kiss and hold and turn to for our friendship- our Best Friend.
I say if you occup most of his thoughts and he thinks of you FIRST and ONLY when he is sad, happy, angry and wants to share- you are the one he loves.
So I say, as long as he does not contact her or have her number, or anything like that. Its a star burning out as your Beacon of Light Burns Brighter.
Hang in there.
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A
female
reader, tiamaria12 +, writes (31 January 2012):
Hi,
When your boyfriend says he still loves his ex try to understand that there are different kinds of ways to love people. For instance, you love your mother or you love your sister but its not the same kind of love that you have for your boyfriend. The fact you have been together for a year proves that he is committed to you and must love you, maybe when you both began your relationship 12 months ago sex comparisons were made between you and his ex girlfriend but its doubtful he is still doing that now. Don't ask your boyfriend about her forget her, leave all your thoughts about her in the past because thats what she is in your boyfriends past, move on with your lives and think only about the future and your lives together .
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (31 January 2012):
The bigger question is...Is He In Love With You? Does he treat you well? Are you happy in the relationship? These are questions that YOU must answer for yourself.
Everybody has a past & it does tend to "Come Up" during the course of a new relationship within reason.
When I seperated from my Ex....I had the tendency when talking to other men to say...."We" use to do this & "We" brought that. It wasn't until someone finally pointed out to me...."You need to turn that "We" into "Me". I didn't realize, that I talked about my ex as much as I did.
Now, there may need to be a conversation...without anger...to point out that he tends to talk about her a weeee bit to much for you & to clarify his statement. However, if he says...I don't want to be with her, but I do care about her. Ok....LEAVE IT ALONE! You can't change the way he feels, but don't allow insecurity to grab your heart. Don't let something in the past....have power over you & your relationship. She's an EX for a reason.
Now, step up your game! Become "Unforgettable"....Make sure you stay cute, fun to be around, nice lingerie. Keep your self esteem up. There is a great book that I would suggest to you....it will give you some power for this relationship & any other. "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry
Argrove. The name is a bit ranchy.....but trust me...it will help you avoid some common mistakes, we as women tend to make. Amazon has it for 3 bucks. Let me know how this turns out for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): "my question is will he be thinking of his ex when we are having sex"
My question is why are you even thinking of continuing to have sex with a "boyfriend" who flat-out admitted he is still in love with his "ex" which means he's just been using you all along?
He obviously has absolutely no respect for you, why don't you have one microgram of respect for yourself?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 You need to ask your boyfriend those questions. I understand this is frustrating and painful, but you need to ask him, he is the only one who can give you the answers you need.
But be careful with asking questions. Think about whether or not you actually want to hear the blunt truth. No matter how much we care for someone, there will always be something blunt and truthful that can hurt them, even if we wished it wasn't so. The difference is whether or not we tell the person how it is, how we feel for them at all aspects including the bad things, or if we keep it to ourselves.
No one can be 100 percent honest with their partner without that hurting the partner. Remember that. What I think you should ask him is not whether he thinks about her when you have sex or not (it is unlikely that he does). What I think you should ask him is this: "are you happy with me, and are you in love with me? Do you love me? Do you want to be with me?"
You could also ask to what he means by "in love", what it means when he says he is still in love with his ex. It could be he means that he still cares for her, which is normal, even if it's been years since they broke up. Caring for another human being is normal, a breakup doesn't have to be a bad one where the partners involved end up hating each other. But then again, if by being in love with her he means he still fancies her, would like to be with her etc, then he is a really stupid and selfish man to have lead you on for so long.
Ask him though. This demands a proper conversation. Just be careful to ask questions you might not want to hear the answer to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2012): what did youn say to him when he said he still loved her? I would have been like what the hell?? if he is in love with his ex then you have gotta ask yourself are you willing to be second best? it is very difficult to finish with someone you love but its more difficult to stay with someone that treats you like that!
If you was really with someone that was amazing and cared about you'd know and you would never go back to him, I have learned that. I mention on occasions my ex to my boyfriend but only to say how better he is than my ex not to say i still love him why would he want to hurt you like that.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (31 January 2012):
 You asked him, and he answered, he is still in love with this ex, but what type of love this is, only he knows.
Does he think about her when he is having sex... that's something you need to ask him.
If he talks about her all the time, then he isn't healing or moving on, and he isn't fair to you, you should be the only woman in his mind. This doesn't sound like he's your man, it sounds like he is hers.
Perhaps it's best if you separate, so he can clear his head and decide what he really wants.
Yes, you can love two people, yes you can love someone else and still be in a new relationship. But if he's talking about her, then he really isn't available to make a good relationship with you.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 January 2012):
 We cannot answer that question - we do not live inside your boyfriend's head so we cannot know what he is thinking about during sex. Try asking him and see what he says.
But let me just say this - you really should not remain in this relationship if he is in love with someone else. Do you really want to only take up a small part of his heart because he still wants someone else? You are basically sharing his love with his ex, because he cannot love two people properly, so you dont have him properly. And I bet if his ex came back on the scene and said she loved him too then he would dump you in a flash for her.
So dont lower yourself to sharing a man with another woman, you deserve a lot better. You deserve to have a man who loves you and only you - not longing for another woman.
Leave him, now. Before you get hurt any more.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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