A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What should i do? It's my mum's birthday tomorrow, and we are supposed to be going shopping in the afternoon, and the cinema at night, but this guy i am dating said he wants to meet tomorrow too. Should i go to the cinema with my mum in the afternoon instead, and forget about shopping, and meet the guy i am dating at night, or should i tell the guy i am dating to meet me another time? I don't really want to cancel tomorrow with him though as i don't want to put him off. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Your mum is for life. This guy you like may or may not work out. You do the math.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Didn't you tell your mom you already had plans then? The person you first made plans with should automatically come first. You could always ask your guy if you could meet him another time as your mom couldn't go to the cinema as planned, but in all fairness, your mom is the one who couldn't keep her part of the agreement. Which means your mom doesn't come first any longer as you've already made other plans.
However you could always call your date, explain the situation, and ask if it would be possible to meet him another day.
I'm just being picky on this because I had a guy cancel/rearrange the plans with me several times, when I made sacrifices to meet him. And then he casually asked if I couldn't see him another day, which means all my sacrifices just went out the window. I got pissed off. So I am low on patience these days when it comes to plans being re-arranged. If you have a good enough excuse to re-arrange the plans then sure. But if the excuse isn't good enough then you shouldn't even try.
As the situation is I'd rather ask your mom if she can't meet another time to go to the cinema as you already made plans. If she can't, then you can ask you guy. The thing is just that if he can't change the plans, then what? You'll need a backup plan in case he says no. You need to know what to do and who to pick, if they should both say they can't at another time. And you need to have decided on this before you ask them. But the rule of thumb is that the one you first made plans with comes first. In this case that'd be your date, as your mother was the one who cancelled the original plans and thus lost her place as first in line.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): Ok, i just want to say that at first, my mum and i were only supposed to be going shopping in the afternoon, and we were supposed to be going to the cinema yesterday.i told this guy that i would meet him before my mum said that she wants to go to the cinema tomorrow night, as at that time, i thought me and my mum were only going out in the afternoon.However, it turned out that my mum couldn't go to the cinema yesterday, so that's why there has been a mix up.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Look here: it's your mother's birthday for heavens sake! who would you rather disappoint: a man you've barely met, or your mother?
Call him and TELL him its her birthday and see if you can go out with you the day after her birthday! If he pouts then he's not worth bothering with - if he can't understand the proper priorities......
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (30 January 2012):
 If you knew it was your mom's birthday, why did you agree to meet him in the first place? Just because it's the first time he suggested, doesn't mean you have to agree to it! Do not cancel on your mom, that would be terrible.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 January 2012):
Why did you agree to meet your date when you knew you were busy that day? So what if he wants to meet that day, all you need to tell him is "sorry, it's my moms birthday so I have other plans, perhaps we can do it another day?".
Why on earth would you accept to meet your date when you KNOW you are busy that day? I don't get that part. Cancel your date, your plans with your mom came first. Don't double book yourself again, it shows a lack of respect for both people who you made plans with. Your date would be much happier if you just told him that you can meet him another day, rather than make plans with him only to "put him off" later.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 Honour the plans with your mum. Not only is she kin but it's her birthday. How you treat your family will influence how a suitor will treat you. If your family is very important and worth impressing, then by extension so are you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2012): I agree that a commitment to your Mother trumps a poorly planned one with the Meet but I say be honest about it with him. And ask him what he would have you do to make up this error.
If he is understanding and honest, he will work with you to compromise on a solution.
If he can do that, he's a keeper!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (30 January 2012):
 I agree. You had already made plans with your Mum. It is her birthday! He can see you any other time, but she only gets one birthday a year.
How do you think she would feel if you dumped her for the BF? Probably quite sad.
Tell your BF that you would love to see him, but you have already made plans to treat your mum to a birthday day out. If he throws a wobbly, then he is a selfish idiot.
If he is a decent chap he will understand. Talk to him. :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 January 2012):
 you cancel with him telling him you would love to but it's your mum's birthday and you've had plans with her to celebrate for a while and you don't want to cancel on her...
IF he blows a fit he's not worth it in the long run anyway.
Any man you date needs to respect you, and your mum.
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