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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm in such emotional pain right now, because I think am so ugly. Nobody ever tells me I'm pretty, I am just really plain, and today I realized I'm deformed. I tried on several tight dresses, and my hips are just too big... if I fit into a dress around the hips, then my bust is too small. I'm not even fat, sure I'm not skinny, but I'm of normal, healthy weight. I feel so deformed!! I wear a 34A, but I have 39 inch hips! 39 inches of pure hips! Ugh! My waist is small in comparison, but who cares if I look like a giant, walking pear!And I never get "likes" in my Facebook pictures, like my friends do, despite doing exactly what they do: smiling, looking at the camera, showing a bit of skin... I guess it's just not enough, and the guy I liked is always liking my best friend's pictures, but not mine. Which only makes me feel uglier and undesirable.I mean, I'm smart, nice, talented, kind, cheerful and chatty, and even if it sounds like I'm conceited, people always tell me they're amazed at how humble I am. The only problem is I think I'm UGLY. When I was in high school people called me ugly, and even if now they don't call me ugly, my appearance hasn't changed, so...I am working out and eating better now in hopes that at least my hip situation is solved. But what makes me feel ugly is my thin hair, my eyes (both because of shape and color), my other features in general, the fact that my breasts are too small for my body... I would have to pay expensive bucks to fix all that, and all the solutions are fake, not natural (considering wigs/extensions, colored contacts, implants). I wouldn't be me, I'd feel like a fake!I know it's such a shallow issue to be suffering over... but I'm tired of it. I long to receive all the attention my friends get. I wish guys constantly told me I'm pretty, asked me to dance when we're out or bought me drinks. My friends sure enjoy the attention. I know love is blind and looks don't matter, but right now, I don't want to wait 10 (or more) years to find the love of my life, I just want to feel that I am as worthy as beautiful women, that I am a desirable. I know I'm just deluding myself, because that ain't gonna happen... sadly as humans we are a bit shallow, whether we want to or not :(So how can I deal with they way I look? I need practical measures... I don't want to try and emulate being beautiful because I never will be, I want to know how to effectively overcome this need for reassurance, or validation, I don't know how to call it.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 oh man f--- that lol getting likes on fb photos aint a thing doll. You sound like a nice girl definitely and outgoing. Stick with it and dont beat yourself up about your looks. I dated a girl with a 34B and big hips!! For some guys thats sexy. Eat better and exercise well... take some measures to improve your overall well being and thatll help your inner confidence. Its funny cause I lift with guys who are in much better shape than me and cut like all hell but I dont think anything of it... cause Im in the gym for my own benefit and not to compare myself to others. Forget what others may perceive you as physically. Its not worth your time or emotion.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 You are deformed? Because you can't fit into certain clothes? Exactly when did you give up on your own judgement of things and leave your trust to H&M and Chinese clothing producers? Just try on a different set of clothes, by heavens, not everything will fit everyone and it's got nothing to do with being deformed. You didn't land in acid you know, you aren't deformed. Snap back into reality.
So you're a pear. You're not alone. Pear shapes are very common, just like apples and sticks (women with no curves or hips at all). The hourglass is just another type, but remember, it is a type of body, NOT a measure of perfection.
If no one told you you are beautiful I guess it speaks for itself that YOU aren't telling yourself you are beautiful either. Once you start then others will follow. Or better yet, once you start calling yourself beautiful you wont need anyone else to tell you.
Getting "likes" on facebook says nothing about you or who you are or your pictures. I figured the "like" thing is just a fad. You have people who run around and "like" anything they see, and then they get distracted and start to "like" something else. Then there are people who don't "like" on facebook, without that meaning they are intentionally trying to "dislike" anything. Stop giving it so much meaning because it means nothing. It's not a measure of popularity either, it's just a measure of how many "like"-people you have on your friendlist. I once added a girl and she randomly went and "liked" everything I had, without point.
"I mean, I'm smart, nice, talented, kind, cheerful and chatty, and even if it sounds like I'm conceited, people always tell me they're amazed at how humble I am" Stop being humble then, if you've got so many great things going for you. If YOU aren't going to acknowledge yourself then why should anyone else.
"My breasts are too small for my body", now exactly what does that mean? Pardon me but that's just silly. Your breasts are just fine for your body, as they are the ones you were born with. It's whats natural. Since when did something natural become deformed or "too small for my body"? So you have smaller boobs and bigger hips, again, it's a body type and you need to start embracing who you are rather than try and be someone else.
I would suggest, since you asked for practical advice at the end, that you buy some fashion magazines and read up on pear-shapes either online or in womens magazines. Also read up fashion-tips for pear shapes. Learn to rock what you've got. If you want to stand out in a crowd I'm telling you it's all about hair, makeup and clothes. Nothing more. No need for divine intervention to look stunning or draw attention.
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A
female
reader, itcantjustbeme  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 The most gorgeous thing a girl can wear is confidence and a smile to go with it.
Smile, you're gorgeous!
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Ok, you know what, I'm going to answer this, and I'm going to be blunt, and it may be a little less soft than my usual post, but here goes:
YOU ARE NOT UGLY!
Ok, let me tell you something right now. From what you've described, we have similar body types.
I wear ALMOST AN A, not A, not B, no, ALMOST an A, so as you can tell, I'm flat chested.
And recently, my pants stopped fitting the way they used to, because my hips got wider.
If we have the same body type, and you say you're ugly, then wouldn't that make me ugly, as well?
Well I'm going to tell you right now, I know I'm not. Because I wear flattering clothes and hold my head high.
You probably dont have any confidence in yourself anymore, and so you percieve yourself as "ugly".
You are never going to find someone if your confidence and self-image are in a pit. You need to stop thinking about the negatives, and start thinking about the positives.
You have "ugly eyes"? What's so wrong with the shape and color? I have generic brown eyes, and the shape happens to be SMALL, but you know what, I've come to love my eyes, because, heck, I can use those brown orbs set in my skull, to see, I'm happy that I can see the world. So I'm kinda grateful for my eyes. You should start to think about your eyes. Would you rather have no eyes, and be blind? If you cant say you'd rather keep your eyes, I suggest you put on a blindfold for a day, and see how hard it is to be blind.
And your hair, tell me what's so ugly about it.
My hair is annoying, naturally a plain brown color, does absolutely nothing, but I've dyed it black, and with the right hairspray, and occasionally a hat, I like it. You need to experiment with styles and colors (if need be), and products, until you think your hair is not ugly!
Just dont think about all those negative things, because profile pictures on facebook. Likes? Dude, half, or more, of those people, you probably dont even talk to in real life!
Last comment I got on a pic of myself was talking about the way it was edited to be all shadowy, so I looked like a villan from a comic book.
Just, please, stop looking at your body as such a negative thing. Because I'm POSITIVE that if you held your head high, took care to wear clothes that look good on you, brushed your hair every day, put a smile on, and focused more on your GOOD QUALITIES, then you'll probably get more compliments.
I know this sounds harsh, and it's long, but I was like you, I thought I was ugly, but I learned from it, and that was almost before I got past the point of no return. I'm being as blunt as possible so you dont go through what I went through.
I swear it, once you start focusing on the positives, like "Hey, these shades look good on me!" or "my hair isn't THAT" bad, or just finding something awesome about yourself (for example, I realized that I have really pretty hands, soft skin, and a good complexion), then you will feel prettier, and you probably will get treated prettier.
Because, honestly, in this world, confidence is key.
And anyone who calls you rude things is just a rude person, and that's it. Rude people will get their just desserts someday, and you can laugh your ass off if you've been good.
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A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (1 February 2012):
 You're beautiful. Don't ever change! Stay natural, witty, smart, funny, and don't worry about what other people like on facebook. Kids are cruel, and everyone got called ugly at some point in school.
You're not deformed, you are being hard on yourself. Just because hollywood has put an image on how people are supposed to look doesn't mean that you won't be accepted and loved.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, we make ourselves beautiful by our actions, not our looks. Good looks are just a lure. It's whats in your heart that matters. Please don't be hard on yourself. Look around at some less fortunate people and count your blessings. I'm sure that you have way more going for you than a lot of people. And do not call yourself ugly. This will only hurt you more. Call yourself average, plain, or beautiful, but not ugly.
A lot of men prefer plain girls, I know I do. So keep your chin up, keep smiling, get a glow in your eyes, and feel good about yourself. Starting today, you are a pretty girl.
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