A
female
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*o_Very_Confused
writes:Gang, I am MORTIFIED. I am not thrilled or happy about my divorce... it's a failure on my part and it is what it is. I don't need or WANT to shout from the rooftops I'm divorced (yet again).I just got a text from a friend of mine congratulating me (tongue in cheek) on my divorce... and she found out because my ex husband's fiancée posted a picture of our LEGAL divorce decree ON FACEBOOK and tagged him in it...so all of his friends and family can see it... I don't want to appear petty or childish and I know that ignoring it is the better thing to do but I have to admit it BOTHERS me...I'm open to advice on how to handle it....
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): Use "adblock" to block the image.
Oh, and keep giving out valuable advice. You're doing just fine.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 February 2012):
So_Very_Confused is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ciar, not my ex my fiance. he's under a lot of stress right now and knowing my ex posted the decree as his facebook picture is horrible.
Thank you all for the support and advice... many mutual friends of ours are coming to my support IRL as well.
I appreciate all the posts and virtual love!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Hi SVC.
When you say your ex would go nuts, do you mean he would be upset by what his fiance did or angry with you for confronting him about it? I'm guessing the former and that, in itself, reveals a great deal about the dynamics of their relationship.
This reeks of retroactive jealousy. That woman is constantly comparing herself to you and in her mind she falls short. You know everything she knows about your ex and more. You've known him longer. You knew him when he was younger. You had him before she did. You and he have memories she will never be part of. He probably still has property from when you were together and even if it means little to him, it's connection to you gives it greater meaning to her.
You've had an unconventional life (you know what I'm talking about) and if that part was with him, and if he wants to continue being unconventional she has even more reason to feel uncertain.
You are the ghost in his relationship she can't escape. And I'm guessing were it not for her, your ex wouldn't have been in such a hurry to follow through with the divorce. Not that he was holding out for you, but people often don't get around to finalizing these things until a new partner comes along.
Now EVERYONE knows how jealous and insecure she is and how important you are to her. And the beauty of all this is? She outted herself.
Certainly speak to your lawyer and perhaps contact Facebook to find out what steps should and would be taken ((without actually initiating anyaction).
If you're still on good terms with your ex and he would be upset by his fiances abuse of his Facebook account, then why not call him directly? Be pleasant and brief. Tell him aout the post and ask him if he'd be kind enough to take it down. The more reasonable and pleasant you are, the more unattractive she will look.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Contrary to other posters, I wouldn't put much hope in the law (and thus Facebook). A divorce is a direction of a court. Any member of the public can go into the court and read the direction, pay to have a copy made, and share that copy with the world.Your ex is being obnoxious. Particularly so by showing your current address to those without a need to know. He is demonstrating to the world one reason why your marriage failed. There's need to acknowledge or to contribute to such a demonstration.I'd suggest that the reason underlying your distress is that he is celebrating the end of your marriage. I think everyone would understand if you unfriended him on Facebook so that you are forced to share in that celebration."It's a failure on my part" -- you can beat yourself up too much. The end of a relationship always brings a lot of self reflection. In the long run the personal growth that reflection brings makes you a better person. But that doesn't mean that you need to take the entire relationships' failures upon your shoulders -- that's really just another way to avoid self-reflection. It's much better to be fair and objective about your own failings and behaviour and his failings and behaviour. You can then address your issues and leave him to sort his issues (or not address them, at least until his current floosie drops him).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Look at it this way: this stupid woman is CELEBRATING (in a very public way) the fact that the last time the man she is about to marry swore to cherish a woman till death did them part, HE DIDN'T KEEP THE VOW. How very shortsighted of her, don't you think?
It's like the women who date married or "taken" men, get them to leave their girlfriends or wives, and somehow are still shocked when the same men cheat on THEM somewhere down the road. I promise you, someday the picture he posts will be of his divorce with HER so he can chase the next new tail, and you will be the one laughing your a$$ off. Hold your head high, because their petty behavior is not worth your time...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Ignore it. It's a totally classless move on her part, so don't even acknowledge it. The act itself will speak volumes to the people that see that post about what a tacky person this woman is. By not taking the bait and reacting, you'll have made her look stupid by denying her the reaction she so obviously wants.
PS: she'd never in a million years make such a big deal of it if she wasn't jealous of you on some level ;)
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (2 February 2012):
I think you should just not do anything about it. This makes her (and him by association) look petty and childish. By ignoring it, you're showing that you have so many more important things to do and care about than them.
sooner or later all of his friends and family will know he got divorced, so posting your divorce papers online is stating the obvious anyway and all the more just makes her look foolish.
maybe she's doing this because their social circle think she's seeing a married man so she's trying to prove that she's not? if so, that's your ex's problem, and her problem, not yours.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 I don't think the legal thing will work... he's allowed to give somebody permission to post HIS copy of the divorce. It belongs to you both.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Dont react directly to the picture SVC, just get legal help. Also, I think you can write to FB saying that your privacy has been violated by your ex's account. I dont know how long they take to act upon it, but do everything you can. But most importantly, seek legal help ASAP. This man and his fiancee think they are too smart and can get away with anything.
Block your ex, the poisonous fiancee and any other people you dont ever want to see. Please dont EVER stoop down to their level, dont respond them, because that's just what they want. And if people try to get some fun out of this and ask you about it, just reply calmly that you're not aware of what is going on and neither do you wish to be. You have much better things to do in life, and thinking about a low down ex is not one of them.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (2 February 2012):
Sorry babes, but there is nothing you can do
Your pride in this situation is very important, so that's why I want you to do nothing, nothing at all.
Correct response is, "I'm to happy and busy to care... oh how desperate she is that she wastes her time with these things, it's like she's not sure if he'll marry her"
Anything else leaves you looking bitter, jealous or vengeful.
In this situation, you must not let them see that your bothered, you must pretend your really not interested in what they do with their time.
Sorry... go burn his pictures or something, go for a run, go to the gym, take out your anger where they can't see you and let her look like a silly desperate thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Hold your head up high and in the end, they will look like childish, bratty, foolish people.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Report the picture that was originally posted, and report his profile picture. Facebook will remove it and give action against the accounts in question. They take this VERY SERIOUSLY. It is considered harassment.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (2 February 2012):
 Oh how awful SVC! What a horrible childish thing to do! It would appear your ex's girlfriend is terribly insecure among many other substandard qualities! Remember that anyone who cares about you is not going to be amused, but disgusted so don't let what others think worry you. If this happened to me, I think I seriously would get legal advice. There's always the possibility that facebook will take it down too. Definitely block your ex, you don't need the drama. Just try to remain calm, hold your head high and don't let such childish behavior upset you. They aren't worth it. I am a believer in karma and boy oh boy when it comes back at you, its not pretty. Don't waste your time stooping to their level, they aren't worth it.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 It's supposedly illegal to publish someone's picture online without their consent, regardless of what sort of picture it is. Yet people do that all the time, but that doesn't mean you can't have it removed... the law is still there so I think you can report it. Talk to your lawyer about it first to make sure.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 February 2012):
So_Very_Confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh wait... tacky gets better... He's got it now as his facebook profile picture. I may puke...
thanks for the support guys... I will talk to a lawyer tomorrow as NOTHING is blacked out and it's very readable. I don't dare tell my fiance he will go NUTS.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 February 2012):
Don't go on facebook for a few days and block your ex husband on fb. If you need to contact him I am sure you have his number, other than that there is little need in keeping him on facebook. So block him, then you wont have to see what stupid things his new woman is doing.
I don't know though, is it even legal to post private information like that on fb? You could always report the picture and see if it gets removed. Or ask your ex to tell his girl to take it down because it is tactless.
Personally I think I might just block and delete him and her and have the problem removed, out of sight out of mind.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Stuff like that comes back to haunt people later. There are probably friends thinking "oh THAT'S a bit um.... classless!"
I think you need to get some stock, dismissive answer prepared.
Um. Let's think about this.
"Yes, I've heard Janet has gone a bit over the top on the whole tagging FB thing. I wish them well. Perhaps she'll have a little 'aha' moment at some point and take it down, there isn't anything I'm going to do or say about it."
I'll think about this a bit more and see if I can come up with something better.
What's your ultimate hope for this situation? That might help select the right words for your reaction.
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A
female
reader, Latti +, writes (1 February 2012):
I am recently divorced, so I know exactly how you feel!!! DON'T GIVE IN & STOOP TO HER LEVEL!!!
Divorce does not determine your self worth or who you are as a total person. It happens to the best of us. It did not workout....I had my flaws & he had his. I wasn't perfect & never will be, but we pick up the pieces & we learn the lesson(s) & we make every effort not to bring the same baggage into the next relationship.
Posting your decree on Facebook....REALLY??? How juvenile is that! Don't get into a tennis match with her....she's probably use to playing in the dirt. I know your hurt & no, its not right, but put your "Big Girl" pants on & keep looking straight ahead.
My divorce was quite bitter & my ex, did so many underhanded, low life things.....he had all the utilities turned off, lights, gas, phone & I have 2 kids under 3 in the house. Took thousands from our account & lied to most of MY friends & MY family. He borrowed money from MY grandmother! MY grandmother...thousands...& no one even told me about these things until months later. I felt like a fool because I NEVER SAID A WORD TO HIM....I felt like I didn't defend myself. I am a very outspoken, aggresive person, but I felt helpless & betrayed. But to my shagrin....the judge found him in default...he got nothing from the divorce settlement!
Stay encouraged! Keep your head up & remember...He does not determine the rest of your life. You are freed from that disaster....regardless of who was at fault. I would ignore the facebook garbage & when someone brings it up, reply. "Really...maybe I can get her to post my vacation photos, since she has so much time on her hands".... Ignore it & don't feed into it. I wish you well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): I'm sorry to be so cold, but this is the age of the internet and social media. Privacy is a thing of the past. What your ex-husband and his fiancée do on facebook isn't your concern, to be honest. You can't control him, or her. You'll drive yourself batty if you try.How do you handle it? You realize he's moved on, and you move on yourself. Completely. That means you don't worry about what he's up to, or his fiancée. Is what she did tacky? I think so, yes. However, I bet she's just very excited that he's a "free man" now and this is how she chose to express it. You can't do anything about it.
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